I happen to be chronically ill, since i was about 17. Last time i visited my specialist, and i complained about being SO tired all the time and that it depressed me, he told me, i should view my disease and myself differently. He said: "Having Crohns disease, is like being an athlete, it's top sport for the body to deal with it, it's natural for you to be so tired,...it's the... Read More »
Party in the back...
I work as a hair stylist at a chain salon. I've heard some crazy stories from clients in the past, but one guy a few weeks ago took the cake. He came in with ginger hair that had grown out into a mullet, he was dirty, and he reeked of BO. Two little kids followed him in that were just as dirty and smelly, a boy and a girl. They started running around screaming when I started his haircut, so he gave them $30 to go get burgers. $30. He told me he took them out of school for 3 months to drive around Cali going to theme parks. He was back home now running his business, which "dealt mostly with cash," and the banks would no longer serve him because they "thought he was, like, dealing drugs.. or something.." I politely agreed with him that the notion was absurd. I asked about the kids. He said he had custody because his ex-wife was in jail for attempted murder for stabbing him in the stomach when she was addicted to painkillers. He happily pulled up his shirt and said, "See? The hospital said I'm one of 200 people to survive a stab wound like that in 40 years." It was an inch thick grey line from his chest down past the top of his pants. I said, to change the subject, something about the younger kid being lucky to have an older brother. He looked confused and said "he doesn't have an older brother..." Apparently it was a girl. I floundered and generally made an ass of myself trying to cover my mistake. He then tipped me a giant heap of dirty dollar bills from his pocket. Biggest tip I've ever gotten.
Several years ago I worked with a overnight delivery company. It wasn't unusual to run into all sorts of dogs when you made a delivery (including nasty ones.) One day, I walked up to a lady's house where the front door was open. As soon as I rang the bell, I heard the jingle of dog tags & realized I was too far away from the vehicle to get back there in time, so I braced myself.... Read More » of the door run 4 GREAT DANES, who start to circle me & are growling. The lady comes out, signs for the package, & walks back in the house, leaving her pack circling me, snapping at me & growling. I yell out "Ma'am, would you please come get your dogs", to which she replies "Oh, they won't hurt you." It was about this time they got more aggressive & nipped at my legs. Finally after yelling at her that her dogs were starting to bite me, she comes out, tells to dogs to go inside, looks at me & says "Oh you poor frightened boy...you're just not a dog person are you?" Needless to say, anytime someones front door was open after that, I just honked the horn.
Dieter Wolfjager |
I work at Wal-Mart as a Wireless Sales Associate (basically electronics), and we have this one reoccurring older African-American customer who comes in with the assumption that we are some type of IT or Geek Squad. Well anyways, he comes in about a week ago, and brings his laptop. The laptop that he has is a Compact with Windows XP (a bit outdated I must say). Anyways, he pulls... Read More » it out, and opens up some program that is similar to PowerPoint (I guess, the XP version?) and tells me that some guy is stealing his credit and plagiarizing the trademark "Civil Rights", which baffled my mind. He wanted me to save a copy of his document, that he opened up on his mind you, so he can sue him for copyright infringement. I just looked at him confused, and literally had to listen to him rant for half an hour (before dumping him onto another associate for another hour) about how he stole his thunder and how computers are confusing. The next day, he calls the store, and begins asking me as to why his keys aren't working, I just let out a sigh and told him to call Compact (basically dumping him onto them). Moral of the story, please learn how to use a computer and don't bring it to a retail store and expect them to fix it.
Gerry Torres |
I work private security, we have lately been having a lot of issues with access control and breaches (people not allowed to be there, being there.) so we have one officer who is in charge of training all of the officers in proper breach control. During his breach test, he failed and got a slap on the wrist. During mine, I passed but I missed a minor detail and got written up and... Read More » was told I was a step from being fired... the fuck?
Alec Fleming |
uPick is a new feature on CollegeHumor where YOU the user upload a story or picture to a category. You then vote up or down these stories as you see fit.