Roommate Confessions

You've done some bad stuff to your roommate. It's time to confess.

Roommate Confessions
uPick

"Do you flatulate on your face, or just your ...

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I didn't intend this revenge, wasn't even trying to be veangful. Last year I shared an apartment with three people, one of whom who was very, very brainy and enjoyed high culture. She constantly looked down on me for being "such a male." One time, I saw her carrying a loofa sponge to the shower (sorry, didn't know what it was), and asked, "Wtf is that?" She rolled her eyes and went on and on about how it was for exfoliating. Well, a month later she was going to give her senior speech in literature and politics, and surprise of all surprises, all of us roomies get an invite. I decide to actually go, as she isn't really mean and it seemed polite and I usually like the little foods they have at those things. It was at her department's classy lounge, all sorts of profs and Ph.D's and parents and family there, and somehow, I end up sitting next to her towards the front. It was awkward, as we didn't really talk much. So, trying to make conversation, I turn to her, in a normal voice, and ask, "So, are you still exfoliating?" only I didn't get the word right--I asked, "So are you still flatulating?" The people immediately around us fall silent, and she looks at me and goes, "Um, what?" To which I respond, "I said are you still flatulating? You know, with that special sponge." At this point, other people have fallen silent, and she looks at me in horror and whispers, "What the hell are you talking about?" Still not cluing in, I say, "You know, flatulating, you said you liked to flatulate in the shower because it made your skin smooth." "You mean exfoliating!" she hissed at me, but it was too late. Half the room had heard and had started giggling . . . my other roomies told me later my mistake. Sorry . . . kind of. ;)

Bryce M. |

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