This is rediculous! I've been sitting at my table for two hours and the waiter still hasn't taken my order! I'm never coming to McDonalds again!

An elderly woman had three cats that she was very close to. One day, one of the three cats died. She hated to part with any of them so she buried the first one in her back yard. Later on, the second one died. She buired that one near her back steps. A few years later, the third one died. She refused to bury the third one so she put it in a small satchel and carried it around... Read More » with her wherever she would go. One very hot summer day she got on a bus and told the bus driver; " I have my dear pet cat in this satchel, it it starts to smell, let me know and I well get off the bus". A little later, the bus driver yelled out; "Would the woman with the stinking pussy, please get off the bus!" Eight women got up and got off the bus.

If I owned a Great Dane I would name it Peeve. That way I could introduce him to people as my biggest pet, Peeve.

The worst part about accidently rubbing deodorant into your eye is that it won't let you have any tears to cry it out.

There's a Ramen Noodle flavor for each level of depression.

Every walk is the walk of shame when you're wearing Crocs.