I'm stuck with these three girls are nicknamed the "herpes whores" in a suite style dorm. They are trashy, nasty girls with respect for other people's stuff. I begun to lose my sanity when they were using a shit ton of my expensive salon brand conditioner. The stuff doesn't won't even work on their fake, bone dried hair because it's for non damaged, natural hair ONLY, yet they... Read More »
I hate birds.
My roommate for the last 3 years of college was a good friend and we got along great most of the time. That being said he was probably one of the hardest people to live with ever created. He had a super hot girlfriend (still does miraculously) who went to another school, who was really cool too. He was such an egomaniac that despite his own gift of a gf he had to compete with me for every single girl that I was interested in. Not only would he do this but he would sleep with these girls for weeks in a row, starting these creepy psuedorelationships all the while trying to get me to keep his real gf a secret and in the dark about the whole thing. His real gf would visit on the weekends and he would have these girls over all week. To add insult to injury he and whatever gutter slut he was in bed with would wake up as soon as the son came up, and rather than morning sex which I could understand they would start this never ending chain of little high pitched kissing noises, like some fckd up birds. So once that started I would politely say shut up. Than I resorted to haing handful of change or paperclips or something, I wouldsiply grab a handfl of and whip across the room. That didn\'t even stop him, so I would wake up and leave the room but as I left say goodbye to him and if it was a weekday I would say goodbye to his GF knowing full well she wasn\'t in the bed. The first time this happened, he sat straight up out of bed and glared at me while the girl grabbed all her shit and left the room. The bird noises didn\'t stop though so that weekend when his gf was there I did the same thing just said the name of the girl he had been banging all week. He somehow talked his way out of getting dumped, but I never heard a bird noise again.
Brian P |
My friend and I always like to mess with each other. One day I had met this girl and things were going pretty well, but because I knew he used to be into her, I asked to see if it was ok. He promptly gave me the thumbs up, but, as part of our ongoing prank war, texted her asking her out for me, when we barely knew eachother. It quickly weirded her out and ruined my chances, but... Read More » I had to get him back. He thought he had a chance (he didn't) with a super hot girl at our school. When I offered him her number he took it. Secretly I gave him my other friend's #, who was pretending to be the girl. They texted and even set up plans. He had the awkwardest conversation the next day when, in person, he really did talk to the girl and asked "Why weren't you there?" She was so confused and it was always awkward between them.
Well, I know now that you talk MAJOR shit about me with literally everyone I know... You know I have to say I'm not that surprised because it seems to be all that you do, but I thought we were close friends. I mean, I was the one to help you when you were embarrassingly throwing up all over yourself and others at a party while your longterm "marriage potential" boyfriend didn't... Read More » help AT ALL and only held the umbrellas while I had to carry your drunk puke smelling heavy ass 7 blocks by myself? HA WELL ANYWAYS, so I know you're really into conditioning your hair since its curly and what not so I took the liberty of peeing in your fancy conditioner this morning when I took a shower. Sorry.
- Hey, Hoe. Remember how you dumped me, saying how I treated you wrong, despite doing whatever I humanly could to help you out? Well, I found out your dirty, little secrets. How you cheated on me multiple times and even said the reason we're dating is so when I graduate, I'll be making money. Well, while going through your room, grabbing whatever that's mine, I found your weed... Read More » stash. I took whatever you had, leaving just enough for you to smoke in your pipe. Why? Because I wiped my ass with it. Oh, and you work hat, too.
you ran over my dog left her their for 2 hours then called me a pussy when i cryed cus she had to be put down so it was me who shit on your bed stole 300 from you and i also called your mom and told about your weed and booze and got you cut off good luck dick
uPick is a new feature on CollegeHumor where YOU the user upload a story or picture to a category. You then vote up or down these stories as you see fit.