I bought a new winter jacket from this shop called Wonderman. The other day I was putting my phone in one of the jacket's pocket, but there was something there. I opened the pocket and there was a strechy wire. I took it and in the end of that wire was a napkin to clean glasses with. And on the corner of that napkin was written: Wonderman...
So yesterday a 4th grader put my tool in her ...
I'm a bike mechanic. I had a volunteer gig where we conducted what we called a bike rodeo. Our job was to do safety checks on bikes as the volunteer police officers showed elementary students how to safely and legally navigate their bike route. During our intermission (lunch time recess) an aloft looking young girl skipped up and stared at our tools that were lain out for the repairs. I figured she was curious and awkward so I start to name the tools for her. She randomly picks up a tool puts it in her mouth, puts it back down and skips off, while my coworker mechanic immediately starts texting to his wife that "a fourth grader just put Greg's(not my real name) tool in her mouth!" I was mortified as to what he was texting / saying out loud. Apparently he knew and his wife knew, since she taught autistic children, that the girl was autistic and the oral exploration thing was common and kinda normal. aaaaaand that is my story about the fourth grader who put my tool in her mouth. Please dont burn me in hell. Thanks, "Greg."
Not sure where my subconscious is going with this...
Last night I had a dream that a buddy and I tag-teamed Scarlett Johansson, and the entire dream was narrated to me by myself, like an episode of How I Met Your Mother.
#1
No-Nips
So this happened a few years ago to a friend of mine at camp. We were all Counselors In Training, and during swim time, the kids were roughhousing with us like they always do. My friend throws a kid off him, and we hear this ripping sound. Turns out, the kid was holding onto my friends nipple when he was thrown off. Sitting about five feet away was his floating nipple, and now... Read More »
#2
False Alarm
I'm an I.T. guy with a military background, so I know computers and I'm a security freak. As a result, I have a custom-made security system at home. One of the things that will trigger the alarm is loud noises. I set the threshold at 125dB, so things like gunshots and breaking glass will trigger it, but not watching TV and the like. I'm sitting at work and I get a notification... Read More »
#3
Counting Condoms
For some reason, my twelve year old brother is curious about my parents' sex life. Every day, he sneaks into my dad's bathroom and counts how many condoms are there. Yesterday, he barged into my room, shouting "Mom and Dad had sex last night!" Apparently one condom had gone missing. I honestly have no idea why he finds this so fascinating. Me? I really don't need to know about... Read More »
#4
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