I'm stuck with these three girls are nicknamed the "herpes whores" in a suite style dorm. They are trashy, nasty girls with respect for other people's stuff. I begun to lose my sanity when they were using a shit ton of my expensive salon brand conditioner. The stuff doesn't won't even work on their fake, bone dried hair because it's for non damaged, natural hair ONLY, yet they... Read More »
We fucked. Every night.
After graduating Wyo-Tech a group of us were accepted into Carrier's Program in Athens, GA. It was great, paid tuition, apartment, hell they even gave us PT jobs at the plant. I knew all the guys accepted which was great except I was put in an apartment with the doucher of the group. He was this goody goody Mormon who was married and had brought his hot wife with him (the only perk to living with the guy). About 2 weeks in, she finds out she's preggo, and to start saving for the kid she gets a late night job at K-Mart, which forced me to spend far too much time at the pool getting baked watching all the UGA hotties or over at Cross Thread's place just getting baked. Some inconvenience huh. Well, I'm kind of a lazy bitch and never having been to the sourth before I really grew to appreciate the blessing of A/C. I digress. Anyway due to this fuckers "strict religious belief" or whatever the fuck, he was always in bed by 10, leaving his wife to depend on one of her co-workers, or myself to give her a ride home. I'd usually be watching Howard Stern when she got home and figuring she was of the same religious belief turned it off before she got back until one night she came home early and "caught" me. That was when we started talking and I found out that she had married into Moronism and did not share all of the same beliefs. It soon became a ritual of watching Howard Stern when she got home, until one night she asked me if I had any porn. I introduced her to FOX magazine. She soon confided in me that as much as she loved her husband he didn't do it for her sexually. So on a nightly basis I would fuck my roommate's wife either in the living room, my bedroom, or on the balcony.
My friend and I always like to mess with each other. One day I had met this girl and things were going pretty well, but because I knew he used to be into her, I asked to see if it was ok. He promptly gave me the thumbs up, but, as part of our ongoing prank war, texted her asking her out for me, when we barely knew eachother. It quickly weirded her out and ruined my chances, but... Read More » I had to get him back. He thought he had a chance (he didn't) with a super hot girl at our school. When I offered him her number he took it. Secretly I gave him my other friend's #, who was pretending to be the girl. They texted and even set up plans. He had the awkwardest conversation the next day when, in person, he really did talk to the girl and asked "Why weren't you there?" She was so confused and it was always awkward between them.
Well, I know now that you talk MAJOR shit about me with literally everyone I know... You know I have to say I'm not that surprised because it seems to be all that you do, but I thought we were close friends. I mean, I was the one to help you when you were embarrassingly throwing up all over yourself and others at a party while your longterm "marriage potential" boyfriend didn't... Read More » help AT ALL and only held the umbrellas while I had to carry your drunk puke smelling heavy ass 7 blocks by myself? HA WELL ANYWAYS, so I know you're really into conditioning your hair since its curly and what not so I took the liberty of peeing in your fancy conditioner this morning when I took a shower. Sorry.
- Hey, Hoe. Remember how you dumped me, saying how I treated you wrong, despite doing whatever I humanly could to help you out? Well, I found out your dirty, little secrets. How you cheated on me multiple times and even said the reason we're dating is so when I graduate, I'll be making money. Well, while going through your room, grabbing whatever that's mine, I found your weed... Read More » stash. I took whatever you had, leaving just enough for you to smoke in your pipe. Why? Because I wiped my ass with it. Oh, and you work hat, too.
you ran over my dog left her their for 2 hours then called me a pussy when i cryed cus she had to be put down so it was me who shit on your bed stole 300 from you and i also called your mom and told about your weed and booze and got you cut off good luck dick
uPick is a new feature on CollegeHumor where YOU the user upload a story or picture to a category. You then vote up or down these stories as you see fit.