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uPick

Toques

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If it’s not the middle of winter, and you’re not outside shivering in the sub-freezing temperatures, take that stupid toque off your head! Hear that rappers? That’s right, I’m talking to you!! If you’re starring in a music video, covered in bling, and sitting around a pool in sunny California surrounded by all your bitches and ho’s, that toque you’re wearing is completely unnecessary, and just looks foolish. There’s nothing cool about a toque. A toque is something your grandmother knitted for you to wear to school when you were a kid, and if you recall, you’d take it off and throw it in your backpack the moment you were far enough away that your mother couldn’t see you anymore. But no, toques have somehow managed to find their way into mainstream urban attire, which means in the middle of August whenever I go to the mall, I’ve got to look at a group of 14 year old white boys with their pants hanging around their ankles wearing toques and Raiders jackets, and over-using the word “Yo”. If I had a kid that dressed like that, I’d pull the toque over his face so that nobody could tell who he was, kind of like that tall skinny kid in the Fat Albert cartoons.

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