Rants

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Rants
uPick

Justin Bieber

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As I watched the Much Music Video Awards this past Sunday evening, I looked forward to watching Canada’s pride and joy come home for a special performance. While not necessarily a fan, I do find the kid’s journey to success very fascinating, and as one Canadian to another, wish him all the best with his career. However, I couldn’t help but shake my head in disbelief as I witnessed what is surely to become “the next big thing” in urban teenage attire. It is claimed by many that Justin Bieber is all grown up, yet there he was bouncing around on my television screen wearing what appeared to be his baby pants. While I applaud the fact that the pants did actually come up to his proper waistline, the crotch section of his pants drooped down well below his knees, creating a web-like feature between his thighs every time he spread his legs. Believe me, I’m not any more comfortable talking about Justin Bieber’s crotch and thighs than you are reading about it, but seeing as this is “the next big thing”, we’ve got to fight through the awkwardness if we hope to put a stop to this soon-to-be blossoming fashion trend. Just when I thought (MC) Hammer-pants were gone for good, there was the Biebs, dancing around the stage in those ridiculous elastic pants with the nearly non-existent inseam, leaving barely enough room for a newborn Chihuahua puppy to run between his legs had one been in his vicinity at the time. Yet millions of screaming girls around the world are in love with this guy, which means millions of teenage boys will soon be flocking to the malls to trade in their toques and Raiders jackets for these stupid droopy elastic pants. Heed this warning though. Regardless of the seemingly elastic nature of these pants, your range of motion will undoubtedly be compromised, proving not to be the least bit beneficial as you come to the realization that the man standing across from you in the darkened alley is none other than one angry Chuck Norris. Maybe when you re-gain consciousness, you can use that extra crotch fabric to mop up your blood, girly man.

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