I purchased my wife a Garmin watch that had GPS and heart rate monitor etc. Most importantly for her it shows how many calories she's burned. So one week after doing a lot of running and biking she starts talking about how many more calories she burned when she does exercises that keep her heart rate up above 80% her max. To which I leaned in and whispered in her ear that maybe... Read More »
Whether you're dating, in love, or just Facebook stalking, relationships are weird.
Don't invite me to the wedding.
A few months ago I asked out this girl. We knew each other pretty well, and I kind of expected a "sure, how about this weekend?" Instead I got the whole "You're a great guy but I don't want a relationship right now...Still friends though, right?" treatment. I was led to believe that I still had a shot, and that she truly did not want a relationship. I was just going to wait until she did. That was not the case however. Before two weeks were up, she was back together with some failed relationship from a couple years before. A few nights ago she texted me at 4 A.M. wanting to complain about him and how they've been fighting a lot lately, and she's just upset and wants to talk to someone. I was polite and everything, just like usual, because I still didn't want to burn any bridges. I thought "YES! Maybe she's come to her senses!!" Wrong again, mother fucker!! Today, she announced that she is engaged to this same asshole, and still thinks she did not screw me over. There is no funny moral, no punchline, and no revenge. I simply wanted to let everyone know that Josephine ________ is a poor excuse for a human being, and never deserved me anyway. I'm gone forever. Don't even invite me to the wedding, even if you do stay with him that long. Fuck you.
One night me and a girl i had been dating were watching a movie when things started to get hot. This resulted in her giving me head and when I came it somehow found its way out her nose. Bit of an awkward moment, but one of our favorite stories.
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