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uPick

My sister-in-law burned Easy Mac.

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My sister-in-law burned Easy Mac.

There need to be safeguards in place to prevent an incident like this from ever happening again. If you manage to destroy a microwave with a bowl of Easy Mac, you should be required by law to put that on your résumé. It’s the kind of information prospective employers deserve to know: “Your degree in astrophysics is impressive, but you also nearly burned down your apartment complex with instant macaroni. I think we’ll look elsewhere for someone to operate our $10 million telescope.” There should also be a licensing system in place to govern the use of dangerous household appliances. Without the proper certifications, Alice might accidentally unleash a swarm of killer bees the next time she tries to make ice cubes. There’s been a sharp rise in kitchen fatalities ever since high schools started cutting home economics courses in favor of frivolous subjects like math and science. Mandatory kitchen safety certification programs would reverse that trend, just like God intended.

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