Roommate Confessions

You've done some bad stuff to your roommate. It's time to confess.

Roommate Confessions
uPick

You almost killed me.

Up -7 Down

n college I had this full blown redneck, gun-totin republican douche of a roommate that would constantly sit around and get drunk by himself because nobody wanted to hang out with him. This guy would just sit on the couch in the living room, which just happened to be right underneath my room, and watch t.v. and drink whiskey all night. Well one night at about 3am I was awokenn by a loud bang and what felt like water sprinkling across my face. Turns out, this prick was sitting on the couch drunk and checking the action of his new rifle when it went off. The bullet went through the ceiling of the living room, missed my bed that I was sleeping in by two feet, went through my closet doors and out through the roof. The light sprinkling that I felt on my face was actually shatter glass from my mirrored covered closet doors being scattered all over my room. But, ya know, it's okay that you almost killed me in my sleep because you where drunk and playing with a loaded gun. It is I who will have the last laugh. Remember Dave how I was in pharmacy school and thus knew a lot about all the medications you were taking? Well good news, I am also the one who told you it was totally okay to take all that Tylenol whenever you had a headache and that it was also okay to take it even when you were drinking. Turns out, your abdominal pain and the yellowing of your skin isn't because you drink too much; it's actually because you are experiencing liver failure from the alcohol induced Tylenol toxicity. Maybe next time listen to your parents when they tell you not to play with guns.

|

Comments ()