This is rediculous! I've been sitting at my table for two hours and the waiter still hasn't taken my order! I'm never coming to McDonalds again!
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The Canadian Thermometer: +70 degrees: Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear. People in Canada go swimming in the Lakes. +60 degrees: North Carolinians try to turn on the heat. People in Canada plant gardens. +50 degrees: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Canada sunbathe. +40 degrees: Italian & English cars won't start. People in Canada drive with the windows down. +32 degrees: Distilled water freezes. Lake Superior's water gets thicker. +20 degrees: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and woolly hats. People in Canada throw on a flannel shirt. +15 degrees: Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Canada have the last cookout before it gets cold. 0 degrees: People in Miami all die... Canadians lick the flagpole. 20 below: Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Canada get out their winter coats. 40 below: Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Canada are selling cookies door to door. 60 below: Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough. 80 below: Mt. St. Helens freezes. People in Canada rent some videos. 100 below: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadians get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg. 297 below: Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products. Cows in Canada complain about farmers with cold hands. 460 below: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale). People in Canada start saying, "Eh, Cold 'nuff for ya?" 500 below: Hell freezes over. The Leafs win the Stanley Cup
Ski The Powder |
An elderly woman had three cats that she was very close to. One day, one of the three cats died. She hated to part with any of them so she buried the first one in her back yard. Later on, the second one died. She buired that one near her back steps. A few years later, the third one died. She refused to bury the third one so she put it in a small satchel and carried it around... Read More » with her wherever she would go. One very hot summer day she got on a bus and told the bus driver; " I have my dear pet cat in this satchel, it it starts to smell, let me know and I well get off the bus". A little later, the bus driver yelled out; "Would the woman with the stinking pussy, please get off the bus!" Eight women got up and got off the bus.
John Tracy |
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