Fail

I may be stupid for looking for any sort of logic in a zombie show but, it drives me crazy that the severed zombie heads keep growling and moaning... Pretty sure you need lungs for that.

I live in an apartment with my mom and she likes to burn incents alot. Today when I came home the smoke had gotten so thick that when it got through the doorway it caused the whole apartment building's fire alarm to go off. When my mom saw the fire trucks arriving she snuck out of the apartment and just sat in the car while I had to try and explain myself to the cops. The cop... Read More » told me to quit smoking indoors and stop blaming it on my mom.

My friend and I were at a party one night and found this really, REALLY hot chick. We kind of chilled for a little bit, and enough time passed for my friend to get higher than Doug Benson in "Super High Me". The problem is that when he's high, he gets extremely paranoid....I dunno why. Anyway, being the cool wingman, I told the hot chick to go over and say hi to my "high as Lucy... Read More » in the Sky with Diamonds" friend. So she did. She tapped him on the shoulder, to which she promptly got a hard, loud cracking slap to the cheek. Smooth move, Ex-lax.

I was with the grocery store with my racist stepmom when she looked at me and said "I bet you know how much this would cost you Chinese people are good at math, right?" I'm half-Japanese.

My fiance and I were just at a restaurant and overheard our waitress taking payment from the table next to us. It was two guys and two girls. The two guys gave the waitress two credit cards and she asked how they would like the bill split between the cards. Their bill was $51 and some change. The two guys said they wanted it split in half and one goes "Yeah, $25 on one and $25... Read More » on the other." It took all of mine & my fiance's strength not to laugh at them. The poor waitress had to explain that wouldn't cover the bill and guys looked at her like she was stupid. We tipped her well because we felt bad.

I went to post office to send a package to a cousin in Canada. When I gave the lady my package and told her it was going to Canada she said there would be an extra fee. I asked her what for and she said, "There is an extra fee for shipping it overseas." She should not be dealing with any sort of mailing service. Ever.

Today in my 9th grade algebra class our teacher asked us what 100 minus 15 was. Nearly half the class answered 75.

So the other day it was my school's graduation party. Here in argentina that means getting piss drunk and renting a club for the night. When I entered the club, Shania Twain's "Man, I feel like woman." was playing. Being the a yank and intoxicated, I jumped on top of this platform reserved for the graduating class and started singing along with the lyrics at the top of my lungs.... Read More » Suddenly, Shania says "man..." and without missing a beat, I scream out "I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN." To my horror, the DJ had for some reason stopped the song right at "man..." so my sudden declaration of femininity was heard by literally every single person in that club. Even the bouncers we're laughing.....