Fail

I may be stupid for looking for any sort of logic in a zombie show but, it drives me crazy that the severed zombie heads keep growling and moaning... Pretty sure you need lungs for that.

So I told my dad I got robbed today. He simply responded, "at least you didn't get shot" before changing the subject to talk about my younger sister.

So there was this boy who was dating a girl from Israel, and he was telling us about her and one of my friends goes "oh, so she's asian then". We started laughing histerically, I even rolled on the floor, and we made fun of him the entire night for being such a moron. When I returned home I went on my laptop and looked for Israel on Wikipedia (just to be sure, you know) only to... Read More » find out that Israel was an asian country after all. Never told anybody about this and never will.

I live in an apartment with my mom and she likes to burn incents alot. Today when I came home the smoke had gotten so thick that when it got through the doorway it caused the whole apartment building's fire alarm to go off. When my mom saw the fire trucks arriving she snuck out of the apartment and just sat in the car while I had to try and explain myself to the cops. The cop... Read More » told me to quit smoking indoors and stop blaming it on my mom.

Everyone gives me weird stares. It's like they know! I guess it doesn't help I have my zipper down usually.

My friend and I were at a party one night and found this really, REALLY hot chick. We kind of chilled for a little bit, and enough time passed for my friend to get higher than Doug Benson in "Super High Me". The problem is that when he's high, he gets extremely paranoid....I dunno why. Anyway, being the cool wingman, I told the hot chick to go over and say hi to my "high as Lucy... Read More » in the Sky with Diamonds" friend. So she did. She tapped him on the shoulder, to which she promptly got a hard, loud cracking slap to the cheek. Smooth move, Ex-lax.

I was with the grocery store with my racist stepmom when she looked at me and said "I bet you know how much this would cost you Chinese people are good at math, right?" I'm half-Japanese.

My fiance and I were just at a restaurant and overheard our waitress taking payment from the table next to us. It was two guys and two girls. The two guys gave the waitress two credit cards and she asked how they would like the bill split between the cards. Their bill was $51 and some change. The two guys said they wanted it split in half and one goes "Yeah, $25 on one and $25... Read More » on the other." It took all of mine & my fiance's strength not to laugh at them. The poor waitress had to explain that wouldn't cover the bill and guys looked at her like she was stupid. We tipped her well because we felt bad.