I Fought the Law

in 8th grade i was almost arested for selling fake pot at school to a kid and was kicked out of school for six weeks for selling some stuff i found on the ground

This is a story of when I first moved to Austria. I lived in the outer edge of town, and often walked just outside the boarder to catch a train back into the city because THAT was faster. The suburban area was really quiet at night and I felt really free when I'd be coming home at 3am or whatever, so I would often take little shortcuts and walk through places that weren't meant... Read More » for pedestrians. One night's morning, I'm unbelievably fucked up and I decide to walk on the tram tracks. 3am, no trams for a few more hours. Now, these tracks didn't share the road, so they were literally just tracks and I would practice my balance while listening to music. This one time I saw the classic police lights, which prompted me to look around to see what's going on. Sure enough, a police car was gently coasting along the road and the driver waived me over. He said, in dialect, "Are you bored?" but I didn't understand at the time, so I replied "Sorry, my German isn't so strong. What does that mean?". He replied with an Arnold Scharzenegger English, "In Austria, this is not allowed!" and he slammed the gas pedal and blew right through the next intersection - right through a red light. I walked on the sidewalk ever since. I'm also wondering if I should post this under "WTF".

When I was a junior in highschool randomly we would organize a fight club right after school. We would always get a huge crowd formed into a circle. One time the cops came and everyone ran off. I ran to a street a few blocks away with my friend. We thought we were in the clear, a cop drove up from behind and began talking to us. After a few minutes he messaged in on his radio "... Read More »I think I found the suspects". Me and my friend were extremly confused since we did nothing. He asked me to take off my jacket, I asked "why" he said "look kid we know you have the snake". I looked at my friend extremely confused. So I took off my jacket and he searched me, he than asked "wheres the snake" we were so confused. After he took all of our info down he let us go. It turns out the same time fightclub was going on two people robbed the pet store, they stole a snake. Apparentely we looked exactly like the suspects.

My friends and I bought a hookah around October, and being the fine, upstanding citizens that we are, we only smoke it outside, and not in our dorms, exactly twenty feet away from the door to our building. Now we, being college students, also love bud, and have been known to occasionally put some mary-j in our bowl along with the shisha. We've always gotten away with this, as... Read More » the fruity smell of the hookah tobacco covers up the weed stank. Now, our campus has "campus safety officers" that ride around campus at night on these weird-ass three wheeled segways, making sure that there is no wrong-doing on campus during the dark, cold hours here in Minnesota. One of these officers in particular, who shall henceforth be referred to as "Oaf," has nearly caught my friends and I smoking weed on multiple occasions. So a couple of nights ago, we decided to load up the hookah, and having no house parties to go to with it, are left outside in the cold Minnesota winter smoking the hookah. After about twenty minutes, the bowl is nice and rolling, and fruity clouds of smoke are drifting away from us on the chilling breeze; and as quickly as they are blowing away from us, a figure on a segway is rolling towards us. Oaf. We instantly know that we could very possibly land in some deeeep shit, but we decide to play it cool. "Evening boys. Isn't it a bit cold to be outside with that contraption?" "Well, uh, we don't think so. We kinda like it." "Y'know, when I was in college, I took a trip to Egypt over the summer, and I smoked one of those. Do you fellas mind if I take a draw?" Well, of course we minded! Oaf was going to catch us red-handed if he tasted weed in the bowl, and we would wind up in a heap of trouble. But, before we can say anything, Oaf grabs one of our hoses and takes a GIGANTIC draw. It has to have lasted at least ten seconds. After exhaling his smoke, he just tells us "Wow. That's a really nice, strong flavor. You guys have a good night now," and then he scooted away. I still can't believe we got away with it, and I'm sure Oaf had a fantastic rest of his evening, as we did ours.

I had just gotten my real license 3 weeks earlier (after 6 months of a learners permit) and was out driving to my friend's house. I was in a quiet residential area out of the way, so I figured it would be fine to break the speed limit by about 10-15 mph since there were surely no cops around. But sure enough, I blazed past a police car, all the while doing 40 in a 25. There go... Read More » the lights and the siren. Something impulsive spurred me to take evasive action, or perhaps knowing I would have to go to court for an under-18 speeding ticket, I decided to quickly take the next right onto a residential street. I pulled into some random driveway, turned off the car and the headlights, and slouched down in my seat. I had a decent lead on the police car and by the time it caught up, I just looked like another empty Honda sedan parked in white collar suburbia. The cruiser flew past me in pursuit of a nonexistent speeder, while I sat in some stranger's driveway and waited for the near-heart attack to subside.

"The cops don't forgive shit." - My mother at our recent family dinner

In the 9th grade I was at an enormous house party which got busted by the cops. We were all scattering, and I went out to the backyard and hopped a fence to the street. As soon as I hit the ground, I heard a deep, strong voice go "STOP." I thought it was a cop, but when I looked up, it was a really old man in a polo shirt and Dockers shots. I asked him if he was a cop and he said... Read More » no. I told him to go fuck himself and kept running.

My best friend and I had the idea of getting super baked one day, which wasn't that different from normal. So while she was biking to my house, I picked up about 5 gs of bud. On the way to me, some guy drove by and hit her and left. Her bike was trashed and she was hurt, but okay. I had to call her parents to let them know, and they insisted that we all go down to the police station... Read More » to report what had happened. We were sitting in an office with about seven police officers when an officer with a dog walks in to say something to another officer. My best friend and I just looked at each other and started laughing hysterically when we realized I had about 10 gs, my bowl, and a bottle of Xanax on me. Somehow after about an hour and a room that began to reek we made it out of there alive. We got home and toked up. Needless to say it was an interesting day.

When i was 13 me a 5 of my friends were arrested because we were seen running around the streets with loaded guns (a shotgun, sniper rifle, desert eagles etc.) little did everyone know that they were just bb guns. well i dont blame them for calling the cops since this all takes place in the Los Angeles ghetto. five minutes later were all being held at gun point there's an LAPD... Read More » helicopter around our house and officer gaytan (yeah that's his real name) is the one to arrest me well i have a bad case of asthma so as i was trying to breath he digs his knee more into my chest and yells at me to shut the F*ck up. needless to say i was so furious i wanted to go super saiyan on him. FAST FORWARD 6 YEARS LATER! Im now in the u.s air force, after a 24 hour drive to my parents apartment in los angeles im extremely jacked up on monsters and rockstars. as I'm making my way up my street in my car i see a cop cruiser, and guess who's driving? officer Gaytan. we both look each other dead in the eyes, there's an extreme amount of tension in that moment. he passes me and does a u-turn, by this time i know ITS ON. he turns on the lights & siren, i pull over in front of my house. this monumental spot is the exact same place i was arrested 6 years ago. He comes up to my car, id's me, has me step out. By this time his eyes widen, yep he just realized I'm a soldier, and I'm in full uniform. He begins to frisk me quite aggressively, and based on my officer perception; the magnitude of the force he used on me was exaggerated. so right as i began feeling pain i reverse his hand and put in on the small of his back. I took back my military ID and told him he'd be lucky if i didn't contact his immediate supervisor over the excessive use of force on an unarmed military member. it gets epic when 4 of the same friends i was arrested with were outside to see it all. Puberty & Air force training FTW!!!!

It was about 11:30pm and I was headed home from where I work which is 6 hours from home. I live out in the country and had just come through the last town before my house. Well in Texas the night time speed limit law was changed to where the speed limit is always the same. After coming through the town this cop pulls in behind me. On the four lane road he keeps speeding up and... Read More » passing me then slowing down. I'm doing 60 at the time just waiting for him to pass. Eventually I tire of it and proceed to speed up to 70 (the speed limit). As soon as I do he pulls in and pulls me over. He come up and ask me if I'm in a hurry. I explain that I was heading home and wanted to do the speed limit. He then tells me he clocked me at 70 and the speed limit is 65. I tell him no the speed limit is now 70 because of the new law. He says no that's not true. So I begin to yell telling him where the speed limit sign is and he needs to learn the law! I tell him where the sign was and even offered to get in his car and ride with him for him to show me where the 65 mph speed limit was! At that point he's pissed and takes my license and insurance and goes back to radio in. It takes him about 20 seconds before he comes back and hands me my papers and ask me to just slow it down. I tell him "Okay, I'm going to drive the speed limit."

When I was 16, I had snuck over my friends house to stay the night. My mom knew I was there, but my friends parents didn't know and my mom didn't know that I wasn't allowed to be there. My friends parents didn't like me that much so if I wanted to go over there, I had to sneak in through her window. (Her parents weren't really the king and queen of supervision and never went in... Read More » her room.) Anyway, as her parents were waking up the next morning, I decided to sneak out and walk a few blocks and then call my mom to pick me up. It turns out my mom was out of town and couldn't be back to pick me up until 3 hours later. I had no other choice but to wait, so I sat on the side of the road, trying to keep myself busy smoking a joint and a few cigarettes. Literally as soon as I put the joint out, a cop shows up. Apparently one of the people who lived on that block thought I was a run-away or something and called the police. He asked me what I was doing and I pretty much told him the truth, leaving out a few details. He said he would give me a ride home, and although I was super scared and nervous that he might search me and find my weed and also my friends bottle of Adderall that she had given me, I couldn't really say no without seeming suspicious. Plus, I was sick of sitting on the side of the road. So I hopped in, (he didn't even search me) and started to drive away. Every bump in the road made the pill bottle in my pocket jingle and I was super high and extremely terrified the whole way home, although somehow I still found the courage to tell him that he wasn't wearing his seat belt and that that was a touch bit hypocritical of him, what with him being a cop and all.

So it was me and my girlfriend's first time; losing our virginity in the way all couples should, in the back of a Buick at 1 AM. After awhile we finished up and let the euphoria set in when suddenly a car pulled up next to us. The car flashes it's lights a couple times while I frantically get dressed, when I get out it's a cop staring at me with this look of pure rage. I ask him "... Read More »Is there a problem sir?" as any good citizen would "Don't you smart talk me" he responded in an intimidating tone "Is she decent?" he asked as he pointed to my girlfriend. I started apologizing for my "stupidity" as my girlfriend got out. "Ma'am are you here of your own freewill?" oh great, the cop thought I was a rapist "Yes he's been my boyfriend for two years" "Are you legal?" this was an oh shit moment as my girlfriend was 18 and I was not. She showed him her ID, he scolded us, and left without ever asking for my ID. The cop thought I was a rapist AND pedophile; maybe it was because of my long hair and scraggly beard and maybe it was because my girlfriend looks much younger than me but from that point on that man became known as "Officer Problem".

I got high the other day. I go to the Mcdonalds drive through. I was ordering when a cop pulls up behind me. I start fidgeting and he is staring at me. When I'm at the last window, he pulls next to me. Asks me how I'm doing. My car smells. He laughs and drives away.

There were some really unlikeable cops where I used to live. Yet, I have only gotten one ticket. An unreasonable sum for a single out headlight after the cop kept me for an hour. Apparently I made the mistake of accurately explaining why there was an advanced chemistry book in my car, and responded to his "You think you're better than me?" face with my "Well, duh," face. (Not... Read More » that I intended to.) Well, about a month later, I was eating at a sub shop near close. That same cop (too fat to not recognize) comes in, in uniform, and orders the same thing I had, only to find out I got the last of the appropriate meat. Well, I paid for my sandwich, and was going to walk out the door when the guy said, "Hey kid, give me that sandwich, I'll pay you." I politely said no, and left. Apparently there was no other crime going on, because the pig tried to tail me. I responded by driving perfectly, yet frustratingly slow. The tool just kept on. Well, I was closer to a friends house, and didn't really want this guy knowing where I live, so I pulled in to his... next door neighbors' house. I ate my sandwich and read a book until he left. Much later, I heard from my friend that his neighbors (whom I hated) had been deported. Apparently Officer Baldy had tried the 'stakeout my house on a slow day' strategy, and caught the Mexican Horde up to no good. Used like a ragged oil cloth, I think I'll stand by that "Well, duh," officer.

So, me and a couple Cross Country guys went for a run through a neighborhood in the middle of winter. We got the idea to Ding Dong Ditch while we went. The day was pretty clean, except the last house we hit, we hid behind his big pine tree. The guy comes out, and starts rambling about how he can hear us, then we hear his footsteps coming towards us. So we take off up the hill,... Read More » and me and 2 other guys line up behind a tree so he can't see us. The 4th guy hid behind a bush, mind you its winter, so there are no leaves on the bush. The guy is ranting about how he wants my friend to come face him like a man and let him stick his foot up his ass. Eventually we decide to flee after listening to this guy go on . We take off, but notice one of the guys is behind, we turn around and he's mooning our poor victim. He gets in his car and chases after us, so we duck into the woods.We finally get back to our starting point(our high school) and thinking we got away clean. As we get closer to the door, we notice a cop and the guy walking towards us. The guy says it was us who were bothering him and we're all shitting bricks. Not knowing what else to do, I stick my hand out and apologize to him, he accepts my apology and says that he just wanted to drink a beer and set up Christmas lights. And then we got off clean. I guess a heartfelt apology goes a long way.

I went to visit a friend in Key West and ended up getting so drunk I ran off and ended up passing out in the bushes of a Burger King drive-thu. I was awoken by 6 cops that didn't seem too happy. One of the cops asked if I had taken any drugs or alcohol that evening. My response was "Sir, I won't lie I haven't taken any drugs but I'm fucking wasted." All of the cops started laughing... Read More » and eventually drove me back to my friend's apartment. I found out later they took photos of me while I was passed out and managed to send them to my friend.

The other day I was incredibly pissed off and decided to drive very fast to take out some of my agression (I live in a rural area with many open roads). It was 10:30 at night and pitch black out, and I'm going 125 mph on a two lane highway with a speed limit of 50. As I'm approaching my turn I back it down by jamming on the brakes and my car starts swerving all over the road.... Read More » I make it around the turn and start going up the hill normally when I see a car behind me that wasn't there before. Naturally, the county sheriff flips his lights on and I pull over. All I could think about was how completely fucked I was the entire time he was walking up to the car (I'm 17 and never had a ticket before). The cop walks up and says nothing other than "hi there, you ever whacked a deer before?" I tell him no and he kind of nods, then takes my papers back to his car. Now I'm thinking that I'm definitely fucked and how I'm gonna explain this to my parents. He comes back and gives me my papers back and pretty much just says I could've hit something driving the way I was driving and he didn't want me to get hurt. Then he said "I wasn't really sure what to do about this, I was gonna call your parents and write you the ticket, but I didn't." He said he didn't want to have to pull me and my friend out of a wrecked car, and went on to say he was young once and didn't give a shit and understood how it was easy to get going fast on that road, but it was important to be careful. He let me off without even a formal warning. Oh yeah, and he never mentioned anything about the fact that I was also driving over the line, had no front license plate, had an illegal tinted cover on my back license plate, and my insurance was out of state.

I was briefly a mailman and I worked in a neighborhood that was really tough. It was at the time the most dangerious in the state. Everyday the postmaster who was a nice older guy, drove through my route on his lunch hour just to make sure we were all ok. One day a cop car pulled him over right in front of me. I tried to explain to the cop who he was and that he did nothing wrong.... Read More » The cop pulled his weapon. After several minutes and finally satisfied we were not dangerious I said "what is this all about". the cop says "We had a report of auto theft that matched this vehicle". My boss drove a twenty year old toyota with a coat hanger for an antenna.

Speeding through New York state with foreign friends we were pulled over by the cops. My buddy gave his drivers license and registration to the cop. The license was foreign with no picture. This angered the cop, who then demanded a passport. He then wanted everyones passport. I didn't have one. He then says to me directly "Give me your passport". I then say, "I was born in Indiana... Read More » and they don't issue passports".