I Fought the Law

My friends and I took college humor's advice and dressed up as Harry Potter, Ron, Hermione and Ginny from the epilogue for Halloween this year. On our way to a party, we got pulled over for speeding, and as the cop walked up, I yell IMPERIO! The cop then came to the window, saw us dressed in our costumes, and said, "So sorry Mr. Potter, I had no idea it was you, please go right... Read More »right on ahead!" He started laughing and just drove off. I am a wizard.

I was sitting in a pizza pizza (a pizza and wing joint based in ontario) waiting for my food. I started playing angry birds and was getting frustrated. I yelled FUCK YOU PIGS and then to my horror realized a cop was standing in line. I apoligezed up and down and explained why i did that. He said he understood, but never to do it again

My buddies and I were in a parking lot that we sometimes use to blaze since there is never anyone around. We had been taking bong rips for a while and we were all so high that we didn't notice a car pull into the lot. I was in the middle of a fat rip when lights flashed on and the car pulled up next to us. Cops! We started panicking and trying to hide all of our weed and paraphernalia... Read More » even though it was pretty obvious the officers had seen what we were doing. I rolled down my window to speak with the officer, and he asked, "Are you boys alright?" I was terrified because I knew he had seen me taking the bong rip, so I simply replied, "Yes, we're fine. We were actually just about to leave." When I said this, the officer shook his head, "Oh no, I don't care about the pot. I just wanted to make sure you boys weren't in any trouble. Have a good night, guys." Then without saying anything else he turned his police cruiser around and drove off. I love Canada.

When I was 16, I was walking home one night from my girlfriend's (at the time) like any other night. Now, as a teen, I had a shaved head, but that's as far as it goes for me looking like "a bad ass". I was super straight edge. I got to the corner across the street from my apartment, and I was waiting patiently at the light to cross, when all of a sudden I hear the wailers and... Read More »ailers and see flashing lights coming in my direction. Two cops get out of their car, tell me to come over and proceed to start hassling me. Given where I lived (tantamount to gang territory) and the fact that I was a teen out past 11PM, this was annoying, but not a huge surprise. The first question they asked me was "where am I going?" I said home. They asked where home is, and I could point to my window from where I was standing. That wasn't good enough. They decided they were going to demand that I "empty my pockets on the hood of the car". I refused, at which point they accused me of having something to hide. But what they didn't know was that I was taking classes in Canadian law at my high school, and had already covered the section on statutes on search and seizure and probable cause. So I told them flat out: "Give me your badge number, and I'll empty my pockets. And, when you find nothing there, I'll be down at your station tomorrow with a lawyer and I won't leave until I have your job because I gave you no probable cause to stop me, let alone undergo a search and seizure of my personal belongings. And if you don't like it, fuck off". Needless to say, they got back in their car and told me to go home. And I did, smiling.

I was underage and at a party on campus with one of my Friends from Scotland when all of a sudden the cops show up and start asking everyone for IDs, I hand mine to them hoping they don't look too closely, unfortunately they do, and they proceed to ask me if I have been drinking, which I have. I say no, and then my Scottish friend and coolest guy in the world walks up and convinces... Read More » him that I'm his DD for the night. He tells them he doesn't have his foreign ID on him and that they have to go to his dorm to pick it up. He leaves the party with them, and I'm left home free. My friend was "of age" so I knew he wouldn't get ticketed, but what I didn't know was that he would lead them walking for 2 miles all over the campus till they eventually reached his dorm which was a two minute walk from the party. Apparently the cops never realized that you don't need a DD for walking less than 500 yards.

I got caught for speeding through a very effective speed trap. I decided to fight the ticket in court, since if you show up, they usually knock a few bucks off. But I researched my case and found out that the Department of Transportation didn't fill out the proper paperwork to establish the speed limit, so it was actually the City in the wrong. I presented that to the Judge,... Read More » who didn't know what to do... I was obviously in the right, but he didn't want to set a precedent. So he eliminated my fine but still found me guilty. I contacted the City Attorney to try and get it expunged from my record so my insurance didn't go up, but they ignored me. A few months later, and the City is looking at a class action suit from everyone who got caught in their illegal speed trap.

In high school I ended up going to a halloween party at my friend's house whose parents were out of town. All my friends were really into writing music at that point so everyone was too busy arguing about music theory and trying to show each other up on acoustic guitar to do anything else so I decided to leave. I called my mom and sat on the curb outside the house waiting for... Read More » her to come when a cop car pulled up. The officer came up to me and told me there had been a noise complaint at the house and asked me what was going on. I told him there was a party going on in the backyard and they were just playing music, and directed him to the side gate so he could go see for himself. He laughed and asked me if I wanted to give them a heads up first to hide the alcohol and I told him there was no need because the party was too lame. He walked into the backyard and came out a few minutes later and took a seat next to me on the curb. He told me the party was indeed totally lame and that he didn't feel right leaving me alone on the curb to wait for my mom at that time of night, so we hung out for about fifteen minutes swapping stories about high school parties. When my mom showed up she freaked out about the fact that I was with a cop, but he told her he was just waiting with me and not to worry because I was a good kid who only attended lame parties.

Last spring I went to a party at the end of the semester in an apartment complex; it was decently big, there were at least a hundred to a hundred and fifty people in and around the hosts' apartment, but everyone was doing a really good job of keeping the noise down. Around one in the morning a couple cops rolled up to the party and started looking for the guys who were renting... Read More » the apartment - apparently one of the neighbors thought we were being loud and irritating. However, when the cops found the hosts, all they said was, "Hey, we're looking for a loud and annoying party...have you seen one around here?", to which the hosts told them no, sorry, not here. The cops just nodded and said, "Alright, cool, we'll keep looking for it. Keep this awesome party going in the meantime."

Back in highschool my mother and stepfather would go away once a month for a vacation. They knew my brother and myself would have parties, so they just said, nothing broken, the house is to be spotless, and no one drinks and drives. They failed to mention dont let it get so crazy that the cops come. SO of course the cops would come break up the party often. One particular night... Read More » we had about 75 people raging. The cops show up and start asking the DD's to leave. They then take the taps off the kegs and say the party is over. Funny thing was they didnt make any of the girls leave. The cops pull a way and we are thinking about where to get new taps when the phone rings. It is the cop who took the taps.. He said we did you a favor by kicking all the dudes out, now do us a favor and dont make us come back tonight. Your taps are in your mailbox. Best police experience ever.

A few months ago my girlfriend at the time had a stomach virus. She asked me to go to Wawa (A local convenience store) at 3 AM because she couldnt sleep and needed ginger ale. Reluctantly, I took the trip. Outside the wawa, there were about 5 cruisers and 7 or 8 cops with nothing better to do at 3 AM. As I came out of the store with only 2 cans of soda, the cops looked at me... Read More » quizzically. One of them accused me of being high because I had red eyes from just waking up (And also because no one in their right mind would get soda at 3 AM). After explaining the situation, we had a good laugh and I was off. But it gets better, there is only one exit out of this parking lot, and is notorious for having a VERY long red light right outside of the exit. It just so happens that the 5 cruisers all followed me out, and saw that the light just turned red. I hear a click from the car behind me, and next thing I hear is the cop's loudspeaker, "Just RUN IT! This light SUCKS!". And preceded to do the same thing for at least 4 lights. I got there really fast!

So, back when I was in High School, I'm driving home one night from a friend's house when I get pulled over. The cop that pulls me over is the father of a girl I had hooked up with after a party a week before. Anyway, he's grilling me about why my eyes were "bloodshot". I knew him but he didn't know me, but he kept pushing it, asking me if I was high, if he made me pee in a... Read More »e pee in a cup would I pass, that sort of thing. So finally I say 'I'm pretty good friends with your daughter, she knows I don't do drugs". So he calls her right there and asks about me. I was sure I was doomed cuz I pretty much avoided her after that night, but she tells him I'm a great guy and he lets me off. I guess she enjoyed our one-nighter!

I've been reading stories on College Humor since I was, well, in college. Now I sit here reading "I Fought the Law" on the computer in my squad car, and I think they're hilarious.

One of my favorite stories my dad tells, is about the day mom was giving birth to my brother. Back then, my parents lived quite a ways from the city, so it was a long drive to the hospital that could handle childbirths. Mom's in labor, so dad's got her in the the car, and is speeding down the highway doing a good 40-50KPH over the limit at least, blowing through the tiny communities... Read More » and pit stops on the way. Soon enough, there's an RCMP officer behind him, lights, sirens, the whole works. Dad decides to not stop, and for a good 20 minutes this cop is on his tail. He finally reaches the hospital, pulls in, and jumps out of the car. The cop does too, screaming at him to stop, and demanding to know what the hell he was doing. As my dad is opening the passenger door for my mom, he looks to the cop and screams "My wife's having a baby! Gimme a hand here!", to which the cop stops in his tracks, throws his arms up and yells "Have a nice day sir!" and promptly gets into his car and leaves.

A couple of years ago my teammates and I were coming back from a ski training camp at Mt.Hood. We were about to cross the border back into Canada when my friend starts to have a panic attack; He left his passport somewhere not in the van. Trying to find it along hours of highway was not an option, so one of my teammates came up with a creative and uncomfortable solution. We pulled... Read More » over, out of sight of the border and removed the skis from the largest ski bag on the roof. The passportless teammate then proceeded to hide inside said ski bag while we passed through the border. I guess everyone is too focused on giant walls on the southern border to notice anything on the northern one

One night at a party at this place we lovingly called "The Crack Shack", a kid from a separate party down stairs came to my friends room and informed us that one of his friends was selling chocolate covered shrooms. having been awhile since id done it i decided it was a good idea to go check it out. when i got down stairs it was about 20 or so kids smoking blunts, taking bong... Read More »aking bong rips, and all shrooming out more or less. The chef pulled out a full school bag to "pick my poison" as it were and about a k in cash to make change. As im putting the shrooms in my pocket. i thought to my self "man, if a cop came in here right now im screwed". 2 secs later a knock on the door.. course some hippy kid in lala land opens the door not even thinking and its a Local PD Detective flashing his badge. He take one look around, a quick sniff and states (im not kidding this is the actual quote) " i dont give a fuck about this pot party, did you see two Puerto ricans run by?" i walked outside and there was about 7 patrol cars and cops everywhere going though dumpsters and looking for these two guys. us being all white college kids weren't the suspect and as such weren't a problem to them, i proceed to make my way nonchalantly to my friends room and hall ass out of there. down the street we saw a car with its driver window shot out, so god only knows what happen.

I'm a voluntary fireman and got bleeped one night because of a major fire at a factory. So I got in my car and rushed to the station to get my kit on and get going. I was almost there when a cop car showed up behind me, flashing its lights. I didn't think too much of it because I was just about half a mile from the station and I was sure they would let me go without a ticket as... Read More » soon as they saw me pulling onto the driveway (hey, this was a genuine emergency). Anyway, the cops followed me all the way and when I got out of the car, they jumped out of theirs and ordered me to halt and put my hands up. So while they were doing their ‘do you know why we pulled you over blah blah blah’ routine, the captain shows up and goes ‘What’s going on here? We have to get moving, you d****heads.’ That didn’t sit too well with the cops and so they decided to take both of us to the police station, me for ‘reckless driving’ and the captain for ‘insulting a police officer’. They got onto their radio and signalled to the police station that they had picked up suspects at the fire station. They lady on the other end replied ‘Uhmmm, are they firemen?’ The cop asked us if we were, we said yes and he repeated it over the radio. All we heard was ‘Well you better let them go then because they need every man at the fire.’ The cop’s face was priceless. I love being a fireman.

SO I was driving around downtown Halifax one day and decided I wanted a nice root beer, now the root beer I buy is somewhat fancy and comes in a brown glass bottle like that of an actual beer and is made by Propeller a local beer brand. Anyhow I pull up to a red light and a cop pulls beside me, making eye contact I smile and nod and without thinking take a swig out of my brown "... Read More »root" beer bottle. The cop immediately thinks I am plastered and throws on the lights and siren to pull me over which makes me go into tears laughing so he thought I was crazy drunk and he called backup. When the cops finally came to the window (one with his hands on his gun the other with peperspray out) I showed him the bottle and they laughed at the rookie cop who pulled me over. I was let go and asked not to drink them anymore while driving.

I was going through customs in Detroit by myself, after returning from a European adventure with some friends. Being that I was young college kid traveling alone, and had just flown in from Amsterdam I knew I was likely to get stopped, and then searched. As soon as I step up to the counter there were two large customs agents waiting to escort me away. Once we get in a glass holding... Read More » area with a big metal table they start asking me all types of questions. Mainly, did I smoke weed in Amsterdam and did I bring any back. I told them that i did in fact smoke(why else go), but did not bring any back. They didn't believe me, especially when I opened my bag and had everything in vacuum compressed bags. They offered to go talk to their supervisor and get my fine taken down from 5Gs to $500, but only if I confessed before they had to go through my stuff. I refused because i had nothing, and was forced to dump out all of my clothes, bag by bag. While doing this it comes out that I was going to a very prestigious college and after would be getting my law degree. One of the agents looks at me with a snide look on his face, and says "if you're going to be a lawyer then you should know it's illegal and should not be smoking it!" I replied, "in America maybe, in Amsterdam it is legal". The other agent looks at me funny, then looks at the first agent and says "Yeah dumbass that is why he is going to be a lawyer and you're not." With that remark the first agent looked at me ashamed, said sorry and walked away with his head down. Once he walked away, the other agent glanced over at my pile of clothes on the table and without ever touching it or searching it told me I was free to go.

I was once pulled over for driving on the carpool lane by myself, but the cop didn't know I was receiving road-head from my girlfriend and he asked where she came from. I looked him in the eyes gave him somewhat of a signal and there was an awkward pause. He stepped back and said "Drive safely now."

Back when I was underage, I was at an apartment party down the hall from where I lived. After two or three noise complaints, the cops showed up. Upon seeing them, despite my significant intoxication, I cunningly went into the kitchen and stuffed my 5'4 body into a little cabinet. I then proceeded to pass out. I awoke to a throbbing pain in my back and legs from being squished... Read More » for so long, and, despite hearing the cops presence still lingering in the apartment, I crawled out of my hiding spot. An officer saw me and asked for my ID. Luckily for me, I left my ID in my next-door apartment and had given my keys to a friend who passed out a few hours before, accidently locking the door on his way in. After knocking on my door-with no response from my passed out friend- the officer told me to walk down the hall and wait with another cop who was issuing citations. As I walked down the hall towards him, I saw the cop telling three hysterically upset girls they could go home, but he'd see them in court the next week. As I approached, I told him that one of the hysterical girls was my girlfriend (lie) and that I really wanted to walk her home (lie- she was fugly), and that I gave the officer standing outside my door my identification and information (lie). The three second pause he took to contemplate the authenticity of my story made my heart stop; I was only 18 years old and didn't want more charges caused by lying to an officer piled on top of my underage drinking charge. He flagged the officer who took me to my apartment over, but he was preoccupied and didn't notice. I offered to walk down the hall and bring over the officer to validate that he had my information. This offer seemed to convince him I was being honest. Luck was with me this night and I was one of two that escaped that underage party. In the end 23 underage students were arrested and 5 of age students who supplied the party were arrested. The officers never realized I slipped away.