I Fought the Law

One time I went to use the restroom at Walmart, and when I got up from the toilet there was literally poop all over my jeans. Someone had pooped on the side of the toilet where your legs would hit, do not ask me how. After cleaning the shit off of myself, I decided to steal as much merchandise as I could. So I put a bunch of makeup and stuff in my hands and covered it with a bunch... Read More » of clothes, and covered those clothes with clothes on hangers so it only looked like I had five hangers worth of clothes. I took all the tags off and used super glue I had in my pocket to super glue all of the tags to the mirror and walls of the changing stall and smeared the remains of feces I had on my jeans on the wall. I stole about $500 in merchandise and never got caught. I continue to visit and rip off this Walmart. I really hate Walmart.

in 8th grade i was almost arested for selling fake pot at school to a kid and was kicked out of school for six weeks for selling some stuff i found on the ground

One time I was with a few friends and we were off to go smoke a joint. We went onto this trail in the woods that had the occasional jogger or dog walker but nothing to bad. We smoke the first joint but see someone walking a dog farther down the path coming towards us so we bail. Later we cant decide wether or not to come back but end up making a huge loop and returning to the... Read More » same spot as before. The girl we were with began to roll a joint and I see what appears to be 2 older men farther down the path. (The path had a bend that you could not see around, you could only see people if they were very far down the winding path or if they were 5 feet in front of you nothing in between) I tell my group about these 2 old guys but we figure that we should just finnish up and then leave. As the turn the bend however my heart stops as it is 2 police officers in full uniform walking towards us. They begin to ask us our names and where we live and such and we thought we were done for. That was until the game changer, the police man begins to tell us a stolen iphone had been tracked to our location! After questioning us and asking to search are bags where my friend had over 10 grams they decided to let me and my friends go except for the one who stole the phone. We practically sprinted after we turned the bend and it was the scariest experience of out lives.

This is a story of when I first moved to Austria. I lived in the outer edge of town, and often walked just outside the boarder to catch a train back into the city because THAT was faster. The suburban area was really quiet at night and I felt really free when I'd be coming home at 3am or whatever, so I would often take little shortcuts and walk through places that weren't meant... Read More » for pedestrians. One night's morning, I'm unbelievably fucked up and I decide to walk on the tram tracks. 3am, no trams for a few more hours. Now, these tracks didn't share the road, so they were literally just tracks and I would practice my balance while listening to music. This one time I saw the classic police lights, which prompted me to look around to see what's going on. Sure enough, a police car was gently coasting along the road and the driver waived me over. He said, in dialect, "Are you bored?" but I didn't understand at the time, so I replied "Sorry, my German isn't so strong. What does that mean?". He replied with an Arnold Scharzenegger English, "In Austria, this is not allowed!" and he slammed the gas pedal and blew right through the next intersection - right through a red light. I walked on the sidewalk ever since. I'm also wondering if I should post this under "WTF".

When I was a junior in highschool randomly we would organize a fight club right after school. We would always get a huge crowd formed into a circle. One time the cops came and everyone ran off. I ran to a street a few blocks away with my friend. We thought we were in the clear, a cop drove up from behind and began talking to us. After a few minutes he messaged in on his radio "... Read More »I think I found the suspects". Me and my friend were extremly confused since we did nothing. He asked me to take off my jacket, I asked "why" he said "look kid we know you have the snake". I looked at my friend extremely confused. So I took off my jacket and he searched me, he than asked "wheres the snake" we were so confused. After he took all of our info down he let us go. It turns out the same time fightclub was going on two people robbed the pet store, they stole a snake. Apparentely we looked exactly like the suspects.

After getting 9 sheets to the wind drunk and stoned our last night in the Bahamas I puked, like "Exorcist" style, off of our balcony facing the road. Next morning the cab comes, we drag ass in and the cabby goes, "So who was puking last night?" I look around and finally go, "Uh, that was me. How did you know that?" He replied with, "I work the night shift as a police officer.... Read More » I saw you, stopped, then realized you wern't causing any more trouble." Hell yeah being that wasted got me OUT of trouble.

My friends and I bought a hookah around October, and being the fine, upstanding citizens that we are, we only smoke it outside, and not in our dorms, exactly twenty feet away from the door to our building. Now we, being college students, also love bud, and have been known to occasionally put some mary-j in our bowl along with the shisha. We've always gotten away with this, as... Read More » the fruity smell of the hookah tobacco covers up the weed stank. Now, our campus has "campus safety officers" that ride around campus at night on these weird-ass three wheeled segways, making sure that there is no wrong-doing on campus during the dark, cold hours here in Minnesota. One of these officers in particular, who shall henceforth be referred to as "Oaf," has nearly caught my friends and I smoking weed on multiple occasions. So a couple of nights ago, we decided to load up the hookah, and having no house parties to go to with it, are left outside in the cold Minnesota winter smoking the hookah. After about twenty minutes, the bowl is nice and rolling, and fruity clouds of smoke are drifting away from us on the chilling breeze; and as quickly as they are blowing away from us, a figure on a segway is rolling towards us. Oaf. We instantly know that we could very possibly land in some deeeep shit, but we decide to play it cool. "Evening boys. Isn't it a bit cold to be outside with that contraption?" "Well, uh, we don't think so. We kinda like it." "Y'know, when I was in college, I took a trip to Egypt over the summer, and I smoked one of those. Do you fellas mind if I take a draw?" Well, of course we minded! Oaf was going to catch us red-handed if he tasted weed in the bowl, and we would wind up in a heap of trouble. But, before we can say anything, Oaf grabs one of our hoses and takes a GIGANTIC draw. It has to have lasted at least ten seconds. After exhaling his smoke, he just tells us "Wow. That's a really nice, strong flavor. You guys have a good night now," and then he scooted away. I still can't believe we got away with it, and I'm sure Oaf had a fantastic rest of his evening, as we did ours.

True story. This chick was out one night at the bars and she gets really toasted. So she's driving home along a three-lane roadway where the center lane is for people making left turns. She pulls into the left turn lane but at that exact same time, in the very same spot, a truck coming from the other direction sideswiped her car! She thought; "Oh no! I'm going to get a DUI charge!"... Read More » She got out of the car in a panic and the people in the truck stagger out. They're totally hammered drunk! She grabs her cell phone, calls 911, and tells them she was hit by a drunk driver! Chomping as much gum as possiblt to mask the alcohol smell, the cops came and she made a beeline for them and said; "Look how DRUNK they are!" The police arrested the people in the truck but let her go but she was nearly as drunk as them!

I had just gotten my real license 3 weeks earlier (after 6 months of a learners permit) and was out driving to my friend's house. I was in a quiet residential area out of the way, so I figured it would be fine to break the speed limit by about 10-15 mph since there were surely no cops around. But sure enough, I blazed past a police car, all the while doing 40 in a 25. There go... Read More » the lights and the siren. Something impulsive spurred me to take evasive action, or perhaps knowing I would have to go to court for an under-18 speeding ticket, I decided to quickly take the next right onto a residential street. I pulled into some random driveway, turned off the car and the headlights, and slouched down in my seat. I had a decent lead on the police car and by the time it caught up, I just looked like another empty Honda sedan parked in white collar suburbia. The cruiser flew past me in pursuit of a nonexistent speeder, while I sat in some stranger's driveway and waited for the near-heart attack to subside.

"The cops don't forgive shit." - My mother at our recent family dinner

Every Halloween, my friends and I make it a point to go out and break things in the neighborhood. This year was no different. After we all got drunk we started our rampage on the town. One of my friends decides to trump us all and smash a pumpkin against the side of a house. In about ten minutes we see the lights of a cop car flashing in the distance, but instead of looking for... Read More » us, the car decided to stop on the road and wait. We start going the other way when a second cop car starts coming towards us. We bolted behind the houses but there's a big pond blocking our path. With the cops blocking us in, our only option was across the pond. We start panicking but turn around to see my friend jumping in a canoe he stole from the backyard. Since it was small, we had to make trips in twos and on the last trip we see the police running towards the shore we just left. I give them a wave as we paddle across the pond.

In the 9th grade I was at an enormous house party which got busted by the cops. We were all scattering, and I went out to the backyard and hopped a fence to the street. As soon as I hit the ground, I heard a deep, strong voice go "STOP." I thought it was a cop, but when I looked up, it was a really old man in a polo shirt and Dockers shots. I asked him if he was a cop and he said... Read More » no. I told him to go fuck himself and kept running.

I live in Canada. One St. Pattys day after the bar at two in the morning me and two other friends go to McDonalds (we were quite drunk). We had already ordered our food and were sitting down. One of my friends goes to the counter to ask for something when this aboriginal guy says "WTF buddy". In response my buddies says "just asking for something". The other guy, who is with four... Read More » other guys then proceeds to start fighting him. So me and my other buddy jump in and in little we have them on the ground. Little did we know, there was a cop car in the drive through who was alerted by staff. Those cops came in, pushed us out of the way and arrested those guys and we got off free

So my friend lives in these houses on the edge of town so there surrounded by fields and dirt roads. One day we're out there token it up in my truck and decide to drive back to his house. As we get off the dirt road and into the neighborhood we see this SUV going really slow behind us and it ends up being a cop. So we pull into his drive way and get out, the cop comes by and... Read More » asks if we have an ID so i give it to him and he gets out of the car and calls for back up and two police Chargers show up with there lights and everything on. They keep asking to search the car but i say no and hes shining the light in my friends face and i look at him and he looks so stoned i couldn't help but laugh. Anyways they ended up not finding anything and let us go and we went inside and were so high on weed and adrenaline we passed out playing Mass Effect 3.

My best friend and I had the idea of getting super baked one day, which wasn't that different from normal. So while she was biking to my house, I picked up about 5 gs of bud. On the way to me, some guy drove by and hit her and left. Her bike was trashed and she was hurt, but okay. I had to call her parents to let them know, and they insisted that we all go down to the police station... Read More » to report what had happened. We were sitting in an office with about seven police officers when an officer with a dog walks in to say something to another officer. My best friend and I just looked at each other and started laughing hysterically when we realized I had about 10 gs, my bowl, and a bottle of Xanax on me. Somehow after about an hour and a room that began to reek we made it out of there alive. We got home and toked up. Needless to say it was an interesting day.

When I was 17 I ended up in a police car chase while visiting my friend overseas. I went to New Zealand from Australia to stay with my best friend. Who I learned now lived with her druggo brother. Another story. So this one night everyone was over at my friend’s house and they decided to get drunk. I jumped in this one guy's car, and my friend rode with the other car. It was... Read More »t him and I and we led the way, first to the store to get the booze, then back to his place. At the top of his street he slowed down, waiting for the cavalcade to catch up and see him turn. We were at the crest of a hill, so it was all down hill. In the dark of night I could make out silhouettes at the bottom, but didn't know what it was. So the guy floors it, and we take off. First thought was contempt for the new friends my friend had made. The blue and red flash at the bottom and the guy slows down, as if to stop. The cop is on a corner, so still slowing he rounds the corner, then takes off. I was in shock for a few seconds, not really believing what was happening. I see a line of cars parked on the street, and the houses on both sides, it’s the worst place for a chase. He starts apologising, and not wanting to waste energy on conversation I tell him to just focus on driving. I was praying no one would step out from behind a car. Then he turns his lights off. That's the final straw and I'm about to let loose for him to stop when he turns up into a drive way and shoots into a garage. But too late the cops follow us up the drive. I hear them yelling and swearing for him to get out. They come to the door and pull him out. The car is still idling. They don't see me. I sit there quietly; very glad he's getting served. Then one of them comes back to turn the car off. He sticks his head in, but I must be invisible because he doesn't even see me and he's like 2 feet from me. I think, “I better make myself known, or it could be bad for me”. So I give a loud sigh. He gets a big shock and roughly tells me to get out too. I walk out and my friends and her mates are walking up the drive. I walk over to her and say, "Your friends are idiots." They bitch and moan about their night being ruined. And I harshly remind them that no one died, at least. The cops didn't even end up talking to me about it. I think he got his license revoked or something. I didn't tell my parents until a couple years ago.

When i was 13 me a 5 of my friends were arrested because we were seen running around the streets with loaded guns (a shotgun, sniper rifle, desert eagles etc.) little did everyone know that they were just bb guns. well i dont blame them for calling the cops since this all takes place in the Los Angeles ghetto. five minutes later were all being held at gun point there's an LAPD... Read More » helicopter around our house and officer gaytan (yeah that's his real name) is the one to arrest me well i have a bad case of asthma so as i was trying to breath he digs his knee more into my chest and yells at me to shut the F*ck up. needless to say i was so furious i wanted to go super saiyan on him. FAST FORWARD 6 YEARS LATER! Im now in the u.s air force, after a 24 hour drive to my parents apartment in los angeles im extremely jacked up on monsters and rockstars. as I'm making my way up my street in my car i see a cop cruiser, and guess who's driving? officer Gaytan. we both look each other dead in the eyes, there's an extreme amount of tension in that moment. he passes me and does a u-turn, by this time i know ITS ON. he turns on the lights & siren, i pull over in front of my house. this monumental spot is the exact same place i was arrested 6 years ago. He comes up to my car, id's me, has me step out. By this time his eyes widen, yep he just realized I'm a soldier, and I'm in full uniform. He begins to frisk me quite aggressively, and based on my officer perception; the magnitude of the force he used on me was exaggerated. so right as i began feeling pain i reverse his hand and put in on the small of his back. I took back my military ID and told him he'd be lucky if i didn't contact his immediate supervisor over the excessive use of force on an unarmed military member. it gets epic when 4 of the same friends i was arrested with were outside to see it all. Puberty & Air force training FTW!!!!