Idiotech

The other day me and my friend wanted to find out movie times for that night. We got on to his family's computer and pulled up google, and the last search was still up. My friends chubby little brother has been looking up cheat codes for Wii Fit.

My Grandma calls Mozilla Firefox 'Godzilla Flamewolf'. I'm not correcting her.

My parents, unlike most, are ridiculously protective of the movies I am allowed to watch and the games I am allowed to play. This Christmas, after months of pleading, my parents finally gave in and let me buy Skyrim, which is rated 15 here in the UK. I was so happy and have played it non-stop until about 2 days ago, when disaster struck! During one of Skyrim's many plotlines,... Read More » the character is able to purchase a torture room in which large quantities of money can be extorted from the victims. However, the room is also very effective if you want to level up fast, as you can practice your spells on the victims without them fighting back. It should also be noted that, for a fairly dubiously explained reason, each victim is clothed in only their underwear. Imagine my mum's surprise when she walks in on me practicing spells (an animation that looks incredibly like squeezing) on a blonde woman in a bikini who also happens to be strung up on chains. For being such a "perverted little freak", I have been banned from the XBOX and am due to see a therapist in about a week. I think I'll go back to playing Sonic...

My parents still pay for email.

Our Internet connection was dead for almost a day. My dad asks me if we can buy an "Internet tank" to store up Internet. That way, whenever the connection goes down, we can just use the reserve Internet we've stored up in the tank.

While discussing the whole SOPA/PIPA blackout today, I showed my mom a video on youtube of a cat dancing to thriller with the music in the background. She then noticed the related videos and had me show her one for wild foxes jumping on a trampoline. Then she asked, "are there more funny animal videos on this youtube?" ... O crap...

My mother bought a new gateway computer years ago and it she spent about 3 hours trying to hook it up. She finally gave up, and left the room. So I came in and did it in 15 minutes. She came back and asked how I did it. I told her it was because the wires were color coded. In all that time she couldn't figure it out. I was five.

The other day, I was showing my mother some pictures on my laptop. Now, I like to use a wireless mouse with my notebook because the touchpad drives me nuts sometimes. As I shifted through the photos with the mouse on my knee, my mother apparently couldn't put two and two together and she asked how I was working the laptop without touching it. I told her it was mind-control.

my dad gave me a free phone and got himself a droid. Every few days he gets mad and throws it because it take more than one button to make a phone call. Ive seen it hit the walls, concrete, etc. Girls in school have iPhones that dont last 1 day. They fall off a desk and explode. My dad tries to break his droid and it doesnt even get scratched. Suck on that Apple.

My mom claims to be an expert at building websites. She's always telling people that she made her own website from scratch and is constantly offering to help other people make theirs. My mom knows nothing about building a website. She is, however, an expert at registering on blogspot.

My mom opened an e-mail in her junk mail from the "IRS" and it contained a virus that wiped out the entire computer. We don't even have IRS in Canada.

My mother is convinced that if my real name goes on any account but my facebook and email, someone will hunt me down and do some form of physical harm to me. Her solution? Use my cousin's name.

My dad wanted to hire somebody for his business who knew how to use powerpoint. And pay them $100,000 a year just for making powerpoint presentations, because "not just anybody could do it."

My dad recently bought a laptop and asked me if I'd teach him how to "do the internet". I get daily calls from him telling me that his email is "really broken" because he keeps putting his email address into his Bing search bar. He then decided that he hates Bing and demanded to use "Gooble" because that's what his friends use. The last time I visited home I walked in on him... Read More »isited home I walked in on him compiling all of his banking information because he got an email saying he needed a credit check. When I asked him who the email was from he said "I don't know, someone named Mike. He's probably from eBay." I'm not counting on any sort of inheritance.

Just after watching a movie with my mom that I had rented from iTunes, she reminded me to make sure to rewind for the next person.

A few months ago, I went to visit my Nana. She had purchased an iPod touch, and asked me to help her set it up. Later that day, she asked me why she couldn't get on the internet. I told her that it was because she didn't have a wireless router, and that she needed to purchase one. She then explained that she didn't want one, because "people could give me viruses". I told her how... Read More »ld her how that wasn't true, how she could set up a password, and so on, but she didn't care. So, she said, "This thing is too damn complicated anyway, you want it?" I happily took it, and thanked her profusely. Fast forward to this month, and my Nana has purchased an iPad, and wants help setting it up. So I set it up. Later that day, she asked me why she couldn't get on the internet. I told her that it was because she didn't have a wireless router, and that she needed to purchase one. She then explained that she didn't want one, because "people could give me viruses". I told her how that wasn't true, how she coud set up a password, and so on, but she din't care. So, she said, "This thing is too damn complicated anyway, you want it?" I happily took it, and thanked her. Today, I was told that she bought a new Ford Edge. I can't wait to visit to help set up her radio presets!

My grandparents recently got their first computer which also came with a printer. Within two days they started calling me because they thought they were running out of ink in the printer. I asked them how much they were printing. Their response: We have sent over 30 e-mails." So I had to drive down to their appartement and explain to them in detail that it does not take up ink... Read More »p ink to write something on the screen.

I got yelled at over Christmas break for changing the voice on the GPS because my mom thinks that changes the directions it gives you, explaining why we kept getting lost on our road trip...

I used to work for a chinese computer company that no longer exists; one Christmas Eve a man comes into the store right as we are closing and counting money and insists that we start up the Point of Sale system again and sell him the video card he reserved online. We tell him that the computers have been shut down and all the transactions of the day batched and sent to the credit... Read More » card vendor. He keeps telling us that it's already paid for etc. and we keep telling him we can't process any more transactions until the morning of Dec. 26th. He then takes out a revolver and makes us lay on the floor while he steals the cash drawers and takes off. Turns out he had in fact reserved the video card online and his full name, address and phone number were in the system along with his email address; i bet his New Year sucked.

My stepdad asked me to help him fix his computer because he said something strange had happened to it and didn't know how to fix it. When I saw the computer the screen saver was on, so I moved the mouse and it disappeared. My stepdad said "so how did you just fix it?"!!!!