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Do you have what it takes to do standup? Of course not, so post your jokes here instead.
If I owned a Great Dane I would name it Peeve. That way I could introduce him to people as my biggest pet, Peeve.
John Nalley | April 11, 2013
Every walk is the walk of shame when you're wearing Crocs.
Tracy M. | April 1, 2013
Do Transformers get car or life insurance?
Sonicfan88 | March 26, 2013
My wife is a sex opossum. Every time I bring up the topic she drops to the floor and plays dead.
Brian Eggenberger | March 14, 2013
I have auto-correct for my voice... its called my wife.
@NatesDumbJokes | February 27, 2013
I'm sure that if there is a heaven, Billy May's is partying like it's $19.99!
Baisez Vous | February 25, 2013
Just opened my Electric bill and my Water bill at the same time and was completely shocked.
@NatesDumbJokes | February 22, 2013
If I had a nickel for every time I ingested a dangerous amount of dish soap, I'm pretty sure I would have a nickel right now.
Luke Mones | February 22, 2013
Sometimes my wife tries to tickle me while I'm on the toilet. You know, just for shits and giggles
@NatesDumbJokes | February 15, 2013
I have a multiple personality disorder.. It's called my family.
@NatesDumbJokes | February 14, 2013
Old man: "Martha!, what's the name of that damn German guy who keeps hiding my things?!"
Old woman: "Alzheimer, Frank, Alzheimer..."
Althure | February 12, 2013
Two transcendentalists are playing softball. One tosses the ball to the other, who catches it and says, "Hey, nice Thoreau!"
Grace | February 11, 2013
I have sex like weathermen make snowstorm predictions: I'll tell you you're getting 12 inches, but you'll just end up with a coating on you.
@NatesDumbJokes | February 8, 2013
"Thank you, I'll be here all week!" -Comedians and also the homeless guy outside my building
February 8, 2013
Went to a free lunch seminar on "How to be Thrifty". Left after the free lunch....The student has become the master.
If I ever become a porn star, I'm stuck on 2 names I would go by. Either John Croft: Womb Raider or Scott Free. That way any female I'm in a scene with could say she gets off Scott Free.
John Nalley | February 4, 2013
Three nuns are sitting on a park bench when I flasher walks up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke... the second nun then has a stroke... the third nun couldn't reach.
Lewis Lips | February 1, 2013
Judge: So you say you want to divorce your wife because she's crazy.
Mickey Mouse: No, I said I wanted to divorce her because she's fucking goofy!
Ed Zhu | January 30, 2013
I don't know much about mirrors, but I'll look into it.
@NatesDumbJokes | January 29, 2013
Hey, how about we just stop keeping needles and haystacks in such close proximity.
Joe Porter | January 28, 2013
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