Rants

For cereal Collegehumor, what have you done to uPICK? It has pretty much died since you put it under the more section and also rough love just isn't the same as "dating it's complicated". I loved those articles and I miss them a whole lot. I want dating it's complicated articles back even if they're just on a random schedule and not weekly. Rabble, rabble, rabble angry face >:(

About half way through the book, I looked up the author to see if she was a teenager. I really did because the characters are out of a 16 year old's fantasy. The main male character is a billionaire (not a millionaire but a billionaire) who speaks fluent French, is basically a concert level pianist, is a fully trained pilot, is athletic, drop dead gorgeous, tall, built perfectly... Read More » with an enormous penis, and the best lover on the planet. In addition, he's not only self made but is using his money to combat world hunger. Oh yeah, and all of this at the ripe old age of 26! And on top of that, he's never working. Every second is spent having sex or texting and emailing the female character. His billions seem to have just come about by magic. It seriously feels like 2 teenage girls got together and decided to create their "dream man" and came up with Christian Grey.

How the hell do you expect me to qualify for what's supposedly an entry-level job, when you put "5 years previous experience is required"? I'm fresh out of college with a Master's degree! What do you douches think that means? That I spent the last 6 years working on government projects dealing with the latest outbreak of the Marburg virus?! I have talked with family. I have talked... Read More » with friends. I have talked with family of friends. I have talked with friends of family. EVERY SINGLE ONE of them says I qualify for an entry-level job. So instead of trying to get people who recently lost their jobs for piss-poor amounts of money, either remove this ridiculous requirement, or hire the experienced people at the salary they deserve!

At what point in time did it become OK for kids to run around and do whatever the fuck they want without anyone stopping them? They're greedy, selfish, arrogant and largely stupid. Running around yelling at the top of their lungs on a whim and the parent won't take a stand beyond calm suggestions of quieting down. I'm not saying to beat your kids regularly because that causes... Read More » resentment, but god damn it do some fucking parenting. If a kid needs a slap to the head to get him to quit being an ass then give him one. All this coddling is breeding the self entitled douchebags infesting this country. And why is it that if someone elses kid is bothering me and no one is stopping him, I can't tell him to back the fuck off or shut the hell up without becoming the bad guy? At some point as the kid grows up he's going to piss off the wrong person, at that point he will get the shit kicked out of him. At their age young kids provide nothing to society and are nothing but a drain on resources. They don't have to stop acting like a kid, they just need to stop acting like pricks. Whether that comes from a personal choice or an outside influence is irrelevant.

This is the most upsetting show on the planet. Poor innocent girls are getting tricked by their gross moms into becoming disgusting beauty queen dolls and acting obnoxuous and oversexed. This show is everything that is wrong about our society.

Today I realized how good are girls at holding secrets... in groups of about 40.

Why does EVERYONE use Instagram now? Your pictures arent cooler just because you put a filter on them to make them look like theyre from the seventies. We still dont want to see whoever youre hanging out with or what kind of beer you are drinking. No one cares! So stop acting like you're a photographer.

People who make video rants suck. Nobody cares what you have to say.

So I was with a friend in an accessory store and we saw an entire section devoted to fake glasses. I wear glasses because I need them to see and can't wear contacts due to a scar on my cornea. I would never say that glasses are enjoyable or a pleasure to wear. It astounds me that enough people would want fake glasses for a store to deem it necessary to devote an entire section... Read More » of their store to them. Fucking hipsters.

I have never understood hipsters. Why would you stop liking something if it becomes popular? If you like something, shouldn't you be HAPPY when more people start enjoying it and sharing the love? If only you and a small group of people like something, that means it's either poorly advertised, a really small movement, and/or it's just plain s***.

Chimps are dicks. Anytime an environmentalist tells you humans are the only species that kills its own kind, they’re lying. Chimps do it all the time. Sometimes, they kill to overthrow the existing group leader. Other times, they kill and eat weak members of their society just because they can. In the animal kingdom, boredom is an acceptable justification for murder and cannibalism.... Read More » only thing chimps hate more than other chimps are humans. If you come within arm’s reach of a chimpanzee, it will do everything in its power to literally rip your face off. Chimps don’t even eat faces. They tear them off for the same reason we pop bubble wrap: It’s fun, and it makes a cool sound. There’s no such thing as a peaceful chimp; there are only chimps currently engaged in face ripping and chimps waiting for you to come a little closer.

So pretty much for the past two days my facebook feed has been nothing but posts of the softcore porn book fifty shades of grey. Apparently women will fucking read anything with hype and a love story. Even worse the main character has the same name as me meaning cougars and stupid ass young girl will be like "Oh your name is Christian like Christian Grey in fifty shades of im... Read More » a fucking retard." Which normally I would be like yeah baby except for the fact that when im twenty six im not going to be a generous billionaire with a giant cock. Fuck this book.

Everyone has an iPhone nowadays, and it seems that it's becoming the most popular. I don't really like them, and people will negate this post simply because I don't like them. Does it really matter that much? Who fucking likes Apple enough to change ALL of their equipment to Apple crap anyway?

I was at the mall the other day, trolling and hunting for the best sales as any broke college student does, and I saw something that blew my mind and sent me into a deep, inner rage. A girl, no older than fourteen (and weighed no more than 90 lbs soaking wet) dressed in lemon yellow cut-offs in which her microscopic ass was about to fell out. On top she wore a gray and black mess... Read More » of a tank top with her hot pink training bra straps showing. She was a baby skank. Not dressed slutty or like a hooker just like a skank. Messy and showing WAY too much of her barely-through-puberty body. To this girl I say PUT SOME EFFING CLOTHES ON NO ONE FINDS YOU SEXY OR TRENDY YOU LOOK LIKE A HOMELESS METH ADDICT WEARING A FOUR YEAR OLD'S CLOTHES YOU FOUND IN THE DUMPSTER. AND DON'T LET ME CATCH YOU IN H&M AGAIN OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL STRANGLE YOU WITH A NAVY BLUE BLAZER

I'm so sick of people who complain about people who complain about being in the "friend zone." There seems to be some misconceptions about the friend zone and who gets put it in. Typically it seems that the woman puts the man in the friend zone and while that has been true for me many times, I have also put a few women there. There's another misconception the the "friend" only... Read More » wants the sexual part of "taking things to the next level," probably from people who believe that the only difference between a casual friendship and a relationship is sex and not the new kind of love and feelings that you can explore with each other in a committed relationship. Finally, I keep seeing people defining the friend zone as the guy that won't make a move and therefore has no right to complain. I have known others (as well as myself) who have expressed his feelings only to be given the, "oh, well, I've only ever seen you as a friend" speech. It's alright if people want to try to just be friends, but if you can tell that some dude likes you, don't keep going on about how douchie all the guys you go out with are and how you wish they could be more like him. THAT is what guys complain about when they mention "the friend zone."

Excuse me, but when did being an atheist start making you a genius by default? I'm not a religious person either but I don't think that it makes me a fucking genius. Oh, you know about Darwin's theory of evolution? So does most of the world! good job! So do I! That doesn't mean that you can talk down to me when I mention that I don't disregard the idea of a higher power all together.... Read More » It also definitely does NOT mean that you can start treating me like you're my superior, or like I'm a child, or like I don't know anything. I get it, you like classical music, and art, and prefer tea over coffee. Also just because I enjoy having fun and paying video games does not me that I'm an immature child. Yes I still play my N64. Yes, I like pulling pranks. No I'm not a child. You work for my family and when my mother, who is your boss, tells me to tell you to not sit on the counter, do NOT FUCKING ARGUE WITH ME! I have been working there longer, and I do a better job of keeping the store clean.

You are a roomate, not my fucking husband. We are not having sex. I owe you nothing. So why the hell would you assume that the food that I bought, prepared and cooked is for you?! And why do we have to have this conversation every fucking week?! Are you mentally retarded?! If I wasn't cooking your meals 2 months ago, why the hell would I start now? Go microwave your pathetic... Read More » frozen dinner. Better yet, go get yourself a pathetic wife, who you can guilt into cooking dinner. You are lazy, fat, and too stupid to convince me to give you free food. Thank god I am moving out in 2 months.

Albuquerque is hot as fuck. We're talking 90+ degrees most days during the summer. Even winters aren't bad. So, why the fuck does every single character in Breaking Bad wear long pants and a coat all the time, even outside? I would get a heat stroke if I did such a thing. I have watched it all, and have not seen a single person in shorts ONCE. That's some serious bullshit

Why is it that ninety percent of females on Halloween dress up as slutty cats. Creativity is dead. I'd personally love to see some go above and beyond. For example, a slutty Stephen Hawking.

I feel bad for guys who think that being an atheist means I hate God. I don't believe in him, ergo I can't hate him. Whatever you're preconceived notion of what Atheism is about is wrong. I do not hate you or think you're stupid for believing in something bigger than everything else. I just don't think you are right. I blame the internet for this. With a lot of the "free-thinking"... Read More » rampant on the web, people preach atheism to others, starting mundane debates that will not convince anybody on either side. All of it is just a waste of data and bandwidth. Being an atheist is not supposed to be cool, It's not a religion.