Once, after really intense sex with a high school crush I had recently reconnected with, the first thing she said to me while we were both still trying to catch our breath was "You must hungry from doing all that work, want me to make you a sandwich?"......I almost proposed.
A couple of months ago my boyfriend wanted to have sex but I was tired, so I closed my legs and said, "You shall not pass." Last night at dinner my hand was moving over his leg and moved to his crotch. He grabbed my wrist and said, "One does not simply walk into Mordor." Touche, David, touche.
So my girlfriend has got into the habit of giving me oral whenever I get a important phone call in. She thinks it funny as I try to keep a solid tone of voice. Little does she know there is a fake call application that shows name of caller and everything and you can even schedule a time for it to call. Needless to say I have been having fake conversations with a app and get head... Read More »
In my last semester in college, my girlfriend at the time (we had been dating for five years) broke up with me because she was worried that I wasn't going anywhere and that I would amount to nothing in life and would bring her down with me. A week after she broke up with me, I won $50, 000 from the lottery and now have a job making $60,000 a year out of college with a degree in... Read More »
When I started dating my boyfriend, he was a virgin in every sense of the word. He had never even held hands with a girl. When we were making out for the first time, I licked his lower lip. His whole body trembled and he muttered "Oh dear god." It was so funny that I had to stop completely because I was laughing so hard. We're on month eight now.
One of my friends has a little brother in middle school. On valentines day, his little brother wrote 80 poems. One poem for every single girl in his year. He didn't miss any, and he didn't repeat any lines of poetry once. I have come to the sad realisation that there is a 12 year old right now with more sex appeal than me.
My ex-girlfriend and I had just started having sex recently. Her house was empty so we took advantage and we took the action to her parents room on the second floor. After 10 minutes or so, we hear the front door open, and her parents walk in. She shoves me out onto the patio where we both know they'll see me. Seeing no other option, I jumped off their balcony perfectly into the... Read More »
My girlfriend and I were watching movies when I started to get a bit frisky, grabbing at her lady parts. "Not so fast," she said, "you need to grind first." Confused, I told her that dry humping hurts me. "No I mean grind for experience points, you need to romance me a bit before you get access to those levels." I nearly fell off the couch laughing. She doesn't even play rpgs.... Read More »
My ex-girlfriend and her mum are of the same height, have the same hair-colour and really look strikingly similar from behind. I should have thought of that explanation immediately after I accidentally snuck up to her mum from behind and gave her boobs a firm squeeze. But I will never forget that look and the seemingly endless silence that followed...
After having sex with my boyfriend, the lady part down below was feeling weird so asked my boyfriend to take a picture with my iphone so I could see what it looked like. A week later I am sitting in physics class and I am really bored. So I decide to show my best friend sitting next to me vacation photos I had on my iphone. The 2 guys sitting next to us also wanted to see. The... Read More »
My boyfriend and I have a code name for masturbating, we call it "napping". On occasion though he can be quite dense and forgetful and not quite understand/realize that I'm flirting. One day while I was bored in class I texted him asking what he was doing, he replied "Taking a nap." I then asked him "All alone?" as to start up some flirting. He then replied again saying "No, I'm... Read More »