Work Sucks

I work on a ferry that travels between the US and Canada. One day at work a lady came up to me and she was big, a solid 350 pounds. She told me she had dropped about $10 worth of loonies and toonies ($1 and $2 Canadian coin), quarters, and nickels in one of the women's restroom toliets and asks if we can get them out for her. While this already is kind of gross me and a co-worker... Read More » close the restroom so can go in. She points to the stall it happened in and then mentions to us that after they fell in she still did her business. We look and there is a truly massive, MASSIVE shit in the toliet. I looked at her and said there was no way she would be getting that money back. She then went to my boss and told him I had refused to do it and said I should be fired for refusing service to a passenger. He looked at her and said "He is about as likely to get fired for refusing to help you as you are to fitting in a size 6". I love my boss sometimes.

In high school I worked at a larger athletic shoe store in the mall. One day, this cute little 7ish year old boy comes up to me and asks when the new Jordan's are coming out. I tell him it's in two days and he starts jumping for joy, chanting "jor-dans-day jor-dans-day...," doing cartwheels, high fiving people around him, all kinds of silly stuff. I give him a high five and... Read More »h five and start to laugh as he keeps celebrating. Perfectly acceptable reaction, right? Apparently not. The kid's mom stomps over, screams at me to shut-up, BACKHANDS ME IN THE FACE, grabs the kid, and demands to see my manager. She tells my manager that I lied to the kid about the Jordan's release date to get him to cause a scene. She also says she's going to sue me and the company because I'm a racist and was telling other customers that he was "mentally handicapped, retarded, and black on top of that so they would judge him." Another customer I had been helping goes up to her, says he's a lawyer, he witnessed the whole thing, that nothing in her story happen, and that he'll gladly represent me in the case I have against her for the slap. She throws the boy over her shoulder and LITERALLY sprints out of the store. My manager gave me a pair of the Jordan's for free and let me go home early with pay.

In High School I worked at a fast food restaurant with my best friend. To give you some info my best friend, Steve, was a little guy (midget) and he really enjoyed making people laugh. So whenever we worked in the back and the business was slow, or cute girls were in the lobby, we'd have Steve put on a green top hat we got him and sprint as hard as he could out front and out of... Read More » the store. A couple seconds after I'd sprint after him and yell "STOP HIM!!!! HE STOLE ME LUCKY CHARMS!" Steve passed away last year and I miss him every day, but memories like these never fail to make me smile.

I have been an AP physics teacher for around six years. I thought I was a pretty good one at that. Almost none of my students failed, and I thought I was pretty nice. Until I found a facebook group specially made to hate me. Almost every student I have taught has joined the group. And to add more, the principal , and some other staff have joinqed it.

I used to work as a cashier at grocery store, and one day while I was working up near the entrance to the store, there was all this crazy noise outside. A glance out the front window revealed that the noise was in a fact several fully-automatic weapons being fired at a speeding SUV directly in front of the store. Needless to say, everyone freaked out and hit the deck, myself included.... Read More » After the shooting stopped, and I had called 911, I peeked out the window, only to see the slumped over body of the now-dead driver in his SUV, about 10 feet away. As I tried to figure how exactly to deal with the situation, a woman came over and yelled, "EXCUSE ME! I NEED TO PAY FOR THESE DAFFODILS!!". Sorry lady, I guess i got distracted by the bullet-ridden corpse...

I work as a Plumber in Indiana, we do a lot of service work so I get to meet a lot of interesting people and see into their homes and lives. While running a drain clean out for a fairly wealthy customer of ours I had to pull the lid on his septic tank. Upon pulling the lid I see a large amount of condoms floating at the surface of the tank, not an uncommon occurrence, but disgusting... Read More » none the less. The customer who is watching all this says that his neighbors must be flushing all that trash down their toilets, I explain to him that his septic system serves only his house. He then begins to ask if those condoms could have backed up from somewhere else, I again explain No your septic systems serves ONLY your house. He says this is impossible because he does not use condoms and it is only he and his wife who are in the house... After saying this a concerned look comes across his face, he becomes very quiet and says softly," I need to make a phone call, just leave the bill on the table." Poor Bastard.

I use to work at a Military Rec. Center in the boat rental. The rules were easy 1.first come first serve, 2.rank does not matter, 3.and have a military id, will travel; they could rent boats and go fishing or partying. 6 months prior to graduating boot camp a group of marines reserved the "party barge" (BIG a$$ pontoon) this also happened to be Memorial Weekend. Soo, the fresh... Read More » the fresh little newbie's have loaded up the party barge with beer and what not and this Navy Admiral walks up without reservations and orders them to "Disembark and relinquish" the boat. All the new marines snap to attention and start unloading. The admiral than orders them to leave there fishing equipment and beer to save him time and expense. Seeing this I walk up and inform the Admiral "no reservations, no boat, your sol." Admiral orders to see my boss (I am the boss) and say "go to the big white house in DC and file your complaint there" Admiral "What's your name and rank! I'll have you marshaled!" Me "my name is ___" having no rank because I'm a civilian I stick my butt out and while pointing to my posterior "my rank is kiss this." Mr. Admiral d!ck wad storms off mumbling something about MPs and I help the marines out of the dock and with them a happy party. I do so love p!ssing of military officers.

I work at McDonalds, and we have recently started selling "McBites" (it's popcorn chicken) We sell chicken nuggets and chicken selects by the number (4 piece, 10 piece etc) but since bites are so small, we don't count them out, we just scoop them into what ever size box you pick. One day we were particularly busy and I had an especially long line, a man wanted to order some of... Read More »er some of the bites. He asked how many pieces came in the largest box. I stupidly replied "I don't know the exact amount sir" to which he insulted me asking how we could have a new product and I know nothing about it. I responded "We don't actually count the pieces since they are bite sized sir, we sell these by weight not by how many bites are in the box" This reply infuriated him, to which he exploded angrily, further insulted my intelligence, and then stormed out. I pity this man, buying cereal must be total hell for him.

I work at a chain restaurant and, like all other chain restaurants it is shitty work. And it's the type of place that attracts trash. But, I really love the people I work with, so I put up with the crap customers and the bullshit management. One evening I was having a particularly rough night, getting stiffed on tips left and right. But I decided it wouldn't help anyone to pull... Read More » out my super bitch attitude, so I stayed really positive. A woman came in with her baby waiting for her husband, and immediately her baby takes the salt shaker and starts pouring it everywhere. I was annoyed but still stayed positive and continued being nice to her. Throughout the night they were very needy, yet polite, saying "Thank you" to absolutely everything I did for them. By the end of their meal I didn't even care if they tipped me, it was just nice to be treated like a human being for once. The guy ends up leaving me almost 50% and when I waved goodbye to them as they were leaving he calls me over and offers me a job. Turns out he owns this really cool diner/coffee shop/art gallery. My first day was today, and it's fantastic! I'm an art student so this place fits me perfectly. He even gives his staff a section of wall to paint whatever they want on. I'm starting to really believe in Karma...

We have a maintenance guy at work who is one of the nicest people you could meet. Whatever he is asked to do, it gets done. I was going to go to lunch with him one day but he tells me he can't go. His boss called him and said he needed to be a pallbearer around noon. Of course I said how sorry I was and asked who died. His job as a "pallbearer" meant that he had to go dig... Read More » to go dig a hole and bury his boss's daughter's dog. He just shrugged it off and did what he needed to do. Great guy.

My raise over the past two years has been a total of 11 cents.

I work in IT. A part of my job is to configure and ship laptops to our remote agencies. I got a call from an officer manager in the next state saying that she had received a laptop, but couldn't get into it due to an encryption screen asking for a password that she did not have. We're supposed to setup the local user on the laptop, THEN install the encryption software. That way... Read More » the software will use the person's local user password as it's password. The tech that sent it out installed the encryption software without setting up a local user account. The only option was to give out the administrative password to the encryption software, which we obviously hate doing, but had little choice. I emailed the manager asking that she call me because we "had to resort to Plan B." Fast Forward to the end of the week and my boss calls me into his office. He has HR on the phone. The manager had submitted a complaint about me because she is catholic and my use of the phrase "plan B" was "insenstive" to her and her beliefs about contraception.

I used to work at a family restaurant that also had a take out/ice cream bar side. I was working at the ice cream bar one day when an elderly man comes in. He looks at me for a second, really surprised, and asks me if women are allowed to work in the food industry now. I try to be as polite as possible and answer that yes, I'm pretty sure that's been true for a while. He then... Read More » asks me if I'm called a fountain workeress or a fountainess. I reply that I've always just been called a fountain worker. Surprised, he looks around and sees the kitchen (in plain view from where he's standing). He asks when they started allowing black men to work with white people's food. I say that the restaurant was founded in the thirties in the North, so probably since the beginning. Then he finally orders his milkshake, which comes to four dollar and change. He pulls out a five and offers it. I tried to take it, but he was holding on to it, really tight. I ask if there's a problem and he says, no, no, just take it, so I yank it out of his hand. Then he says that that was just to prove the point that women are grabby with money. I smile and fake laugh as I hand him his milkshake. He then asks if I can pack his milkshake up to go, as he wants to bring it to his wife in the hospital. The customer behind him, who's been waiting very patiently the whole time asks if she attempted suicide. As the old man leaves, I tell the next customer that his food is on the house.

I work for Comcast as an installer, one of my duties is disconnecting cable. I disconnected a guy on Superbowl Sunday right before the game, I could see his living room with a flat screen set up and cars lining the street for a party. A minute before kick off, I pulled the wire, before I could get down the pole, the guy comes out with a gun shooting at me. I got the hell out... Read More » of there and called the cops.

I work at a restaurant where we pass out pagers when your food is ready. A mother and young boy ordered their food and the boy kept reaching up. The mother handed him the pager and said "He always enjoys playing with my vibrator". My eyes got wide as I tried not to laugh. Then she said " uh I mean buzzer thingy" and made a bee line for the drink station.

I worked at this Korean self-serve frozen yogurt shop for about a year and a half. The owner, manager, and kitchen workers were all family, and spoke very limited english. The job was fairly sketchy considering i never signed any sort of form to work there, and was paid in blank envelopes of cash that was clearly not taxed by any sort of entity. also men in suits would consistently... Read More » walk into the back room with briefcases and i would just hear my boss yelling korean at them. Im not certain, but im fairly sure i worked at a front for the Korean mob.

Awhile back i was a cashier at a small mall on Long Island. and besides the various stupid customers that came in, occasionally i'd get the REALLY stupid customers. like this one lady. She pays for her items and when i ring it up, i give her back her change, a few pennies. She gets halfway out the store, looking at the change in her hand, when she suddenly gets this angry look... Read More » on her face and comes back to the counter. She then loudly starts to rant and rave that I'm trying to give her counterfeit money and that i should be arrested. I ask her what is she talking about, and she shows me one of the pennies. It's one of the new ones with the shield on the back instead of the memorial. I try telling her about the shield and the fact that they changed the penny design recently but it wasn't sinking in and said that she was gonna call the police if she didnt give her "real" money. She also made the comment "The least you could have done was gotten the design on the back right." Not wanting to have a counterfeiting accusation on my record, I proceed to put the register on standby and walk down the mall with her to a citibank and showed the penny to the teller and asked her to tell the lady about the coin redesign. The teller gave me a funny look but she explained to the lady about the change in the coin design. the lady apparently accepts this, but then says as she leaves "Alright well i guess you're off the hook, but if i find out later that this is a game token or something I'm coming back with the police."

When I was like 16 I worked at Dairy Queen. We had a really half-ass boss who was never around so there'd pretty much always just be one of two chill 19 year old guys in charge. Anyways, we closed at 9:30 but were supposed to stop answering the phone at 9:00 for some reason. So for about six months every time someone called after 9:00 and I was working I would answer and pretend... Read More » they had reached "The Rock Church," which was a real "alternative" church right down the street. I got so good at this I had believable 20-30+ minute conversations with people trying to find out if they were "interested in God but not religion?" and had the address and everything down. It was a favorite of all my co-workers who would watch and listen and try not to laugh too loud. I like to think I helped people find God, from a Dairy Queen.

I went in for a job interview. After an hour and some of filling out questioners and another twenty minutes of questioning as the HR manage fiddled with the results, I asked him "How did I do?" "Well," he said "it's says you either highly honest or highly criminal." Sso I looked him the eye with a straight face and said "So I'm either a hard worker or a serial killer, either... Read More »d worker or a serial killer, either way you should want to hire me right?" Long story short I start Monday.

I worked at a prison as a corrections officer (prison guard) and there was a particular inmate there who always complained about everything. For three months I endured his rants on how the lights were too bright, the rooms too hot, the blankets too scratchy, and so on. Obviously this is prison and no one gets luxury accommodations. I reached the end of my rope one morning when... Read More » I had to go down the run and wake him up at 7 AM for transport somewhere else in the state for a medical procedure. The guy is all grumpy, complaining about how I'm getting him up at the "ass crack of dawn." He demanded to be allowed time to take a shower, heat and drink some coffee and have a smoke. The van taking him away was already waiting for him and I knew for a fact that he'd taken a shower before going to bed the night before. I told him there wasn't time for any of that, he just had to get dressed and get to the van. He begins swearing and ranting about how inhumanely we were treating him and after months of his complaints I couldn't hold it in anymore. "I know, it sucks how early you have to get up to get your free medical care, huh?" I told him. He was immediately silent . He got dressed and left in a huff. I later found out how he wrote a grievance to the warden about my comment. Inmate complaints are occasionally reason for worry, so I was nervous when the warden called me in to his office. It turned out he just thought my comment was hilarious and told me to keep up the good work.