Life is pretty confusing, but there are three things I know for sure: the world is round, whiskey is delicious, and sharks are bad ass. “Hey Colin, those first two seem obvious, but why the comment about the sharks?” Well dear reader, that is because everything in the ocean is scared of sharks. Hell, humans are scared of sharks and we don't even live in the water.

The separation between man and shark lends itself to a sense of curiosity. The Discovery Channel knows this, hence the creation of Shark Week. It's not hard to enjoy it, but there are ways to make it better.
...]]> /article/5990062 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5990062/staying-sharp-with-colin-sharp-tips-for-being-a-pet-owner Wed, 24 Mar 2010 02:09:24 -0400 I love pets. Wait, I think I messed up the wording of that. Let me it again. I love other people's pets. Ah, there it is, that's what I was going for. Other people's pets are wonderful. It's great to rub your hand up and down a cat's soft fur, throw around a ball of yarn, and then leave. It's a great situation, because I don't want to be put in a situation where I have to take care of something that can't make a sandwich for itself when push comes to shove. But other people's pets aren't perfect. Damn, I messed up the wording again. I'll take a mulligan. Other people that own pets aren't perfect. As great as their pet may be, they're probably doing something to try and counteract all inherent excellence present in the pet. If you own a pet take note and people will like you more. Or maybe they'll only not-hate you…I'm not sure yet, so I'll try and get back to you.

1. Your pet's gender does not matter

Pump your brakes pet owners. A random passer-by on the street should not be made to feel like they are an asshole for calling your female dog “boy”. Would I be less of an asshole if I double-checked by pulling out a mechanics roller and sliding under your dog to examine their business? Your dog doesn't have a transmission, so I'm not doing that.

2. Interesting animal does not mean interesting person.
...]]> /article/5914639 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5914639/staying-sharp-with-colin-sharp-tips-for-disguising-your-identity Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:32:32 -0500 It's time to focus. As someone who is constantly spitting in the face of the legal system, you need to find away to avoid being apprehended. You know those people that are always chasing after you? They are commonly known as 'police'. Though if you listen to hip-hop music you may know them by one of their many street names such as '5-0', 'po-po', or 'chie...]]> /picture/5910054 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/5910054/the-patron-saint-of-talk-shows Fri, 29 Jan 2010 03:18:33 -0500 /article/5899439 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5899439/staying-sharp-with-colin-sharp-tips-for-becoming-a-gentleman Tue, 26 Jan 2010 04:33:40 -0500 Welcome to Staying Sharp With Colin Sharp, a column focused on helping you improve your life. What better way to help you out than to provide you with expert tips on a bevy of subjects. Let us begin with one of the most basic ways to better yourself: becoming a gentleman. Read up, and hopefully you too can one day be as classy as I am.

1. Smoke Fine Cigars. As an easy s...]]>