What? What? Oh look at this fag, showing off in front of his girlfriend, calling me "Chief" cuz he thinks it makes him cool. Well guess what, fag, I'm not Indian! Yeah, here's your stupid Corona Light, you stupid sh*t. Oh, I forgot the lime? Well, guess what, you're not getting a lime! Why? Cuz we're out of limes! I forgot to cut them at the beginning of my shift cuz I was too busy looking at how good I look this shirt but I'm not about to tell YOU that! Still think you're better than me? Guess where this shirt is from. Just guess. Give up? Express Men's! That place isn't cheap, but I can afford it… sometimes. They have good sales.
...]]> /article/1018745 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1018745/skanky-girls-weekend-itinerary Mon, 07 May 2007 11:11:09 -0400

This is an email confiscated from some girl's computer regarding her plans for this past weekend…

...]]> /article/981712 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/981712/haikus-for-hitler Sat, 28 Apr 2007 18:59:15 -0400 April 30th is the anniversary of Hitler's death. In remembrance of this day, CH asked a few celebrities to write poems…



A rabbit sunrise.

I once was in a movie.

Hitler wasn’t nice.

- Billy Baldwin



So like who’s Hitler?

Why am I in this office?

...]]> /article/886414 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/886414/the-college-humor-guide-to-the-age-of-19 Wed, 11 Apr 2007 15:20:00 -0400

19 sucks. It's a year of your life that you will inevitably piss away. So here’s a weekly planner for how to successfully do just that.



Week 1. Resist using water until someone of the opposite sex mentions it

Week 2. Teach a toddler a swear word

Week 3. Make a sandcastle in the backseat of your dads car
...]]> /article/719582 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/719582/syllabus-from-a-very-insecure-professor Mon, 05 Mar 2007 16:12:00 -0500

We've all had a "cool" professor…

...]]> /article/700902 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/700902/a-list-of-drinking-games-invented-in-ireland-during-the-potato-famine Thu, 01 Mar 2007 13:33:04 -0500

Drink Yourself Unhungry

• Edward Empty Hands

• Take a Shot of Dad's Watered Down Whiskey and Pray We Don't Get Dysentery

• "Crop Failure" – Down a pint for every potato you lost

• 'Quarters" – Except nobody had any quarters so they just used rocks. And nobody had any shot glasses to bounce the rocks into so they used their hands.
  ...]]> /article/519188 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/519188/alexander-hamilton-and-aaron-burr---first-year-college-roommates Tue, 30 Jan 2007 09:30:33 -0500

  Letters between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr were recently discovered.
  
  

  ...]]> /article/399762 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/399762/lindsay-lohans-progress-report Thu, 18 Jan 2007 23:43:22 -0500

  ...]]> /article/241074 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/241074/how-to-hit-on-your-psychology-professor Mon, 08 Jan 2007 11:26:07 -0500

  ...]]> /article/187568 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/187568/future-books-from-oj Tue, 21 Nov 2006 15:29:38 -0500 OJ's book has been canceled, but there's hope for people who are eager to get a taste of his writing. The following book deals are still in the works…

  

  If I Cooked It
  ...]]> /article/180968 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/180968/k-feds-next-career-move Wed, 15 Nov 2006 11:21:57 -0500 He's lost his sugar mama and his album tanked but he still has to get those limited edition kicks somehow. Who knows, maybe he'll get a job…
  
  
  
  Receptionist at Quest Diagnostic Center
  
  ...]]> /article/151447 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/151447/subjects-to-avoid-in-college-essays Fri, 27 Oct 2006 15:41:39 -0400 1. That particular day in high school when you and your friend Dylan shot and killed an "assload of stupid fucking people," which frankly should be considered community service and NOT a federal crime.

  2. How you want to go to Harvard because Natalie Portman went there, she's so fucking hot you could cum just thinking about her, and if you got...]]>