1. The chicken dinner option was overcooked

2. The maid of honor's toast went on for freaking ever!

...]]> /article/6813245 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6813245/things-im-probably-better-at-than-ryan-lochte Thu, 16 Aug 2012 17:18:41 -0400 Everyone's talking about this Ryan Lochte guy. Full disclosure: I have zero idea who this clown is, but he doesn't sound so great to me. Why, here are some random activities I can probably school him in lol! ;-)

• Making the perfect grilled cheese sandwich

• Most card games

• NBA Jam for Se...]]> /article/6774368 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6774368/collegehumor-staffs-favorite-internet-video-pat-cassels Thu, 24 May 2012 16:16:31 -0400 Mega Punch

  With a build-up that feels like it goes on forever, "Mega Punch!" tenses you to levels usually reserved for Mamet plays before concluding with a punchline that's far more satisfying than what you think it's going to be. Also, the title marks the introduction of the "misleading caption," an inside joke introduced by Amir Blumenfe...]]> /article/6712811 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6712811/founding-fathers Tue, 21 Feb 2012 15:22:03 -0500

  
  I know it's Presidents Day, but the truth is America's in rough shape. If only our Founding Fathers were around, their political genius could restore our great nation.

  -With the help of scientists, George Washington arrives in 2012. He finds the nearest functioning computer and watches Internet porn.

  -With the help of scientists, John Adams arrives in 2012. He finds the nearest functioning computer and watches Internet porn, nodding at Washington at the next computer.

  -With the help of scientists, Thomas Jefferson arrives in 2012. He finds the nearest computer and watches Internet porn. The scientists approach Jefferson and ask if he can help restore our great nation. "For sure, one sec," Jefferson says, not really looking up. The scientists wait but Jefferson never moves.

  -With the help of scientists, Alexander Hamilton arrives in 2012. "Let's get to work restoring this great nation," he says. The scientists thank Hamilton for not wanting to watch Internet porn. "Oh shoot, that," Hamilton says and finds the nearest computer and watches Internet porn.

  -With the help of scientists who have hidden all the remaining computers in the White House, James Madison arrives in 2012. He goes for a walk in the Rose Garden to mentally prepare a speech. Six hours later the scientists find Madison naked in the broom closet watching Internet porn on seven different computers. The scientists resolve to find a better hiding space next time.

  -With the help of scientists, Benjamin Franklin arrives in 2012, already watching Internet porn on a crude laptop he invented.

  -With the help of scientists, Martha Washington arrives in 2012. The scientists ask if she can get her husband to stop watching Internet porn "just for like a day." She approaches her husband. "Wow," she says, "that's, uh, some hardcore stuff you're watching." Her eyes glaze over and she points to the screen. "Click that one."

  -With the help of Martha Washington, the entire Continental Congress arrives in 2012 and watches Internet porn.
  ...]]> /article/6702776 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6702776/star-trek-unforeseen-consequences Thu, 02 Feb 2012 05:12:26 -0500

  

  ---

  Like this? Follow Caldwell on Twitter and/or /article/6500480 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6500480/interviews-with-people-interviewed-in-every-ken-burns-documentary-ever Thu, 05 May 2011 17:50:39 -0400
  
  Nostalgaic Guy from Brooklyn

  Ya gotta understand, for a kid who grew up in Brooklyn, in the 1950s, being a talking head in a documentary is, just, wow! Who would've thought, ya know? I was just a street kid back then, playing stickball, causing trouble, now here I am on TV. Ya gotta understand, I add a bit of blue collar — what's the word – ah, integrity to the proceedings. Sure, I'm educated — City College, class of '67, as a matter of fact — but next to these stuffy intellectual types, I'm a welcome dose of relatability. Waxin' intellectual in a Ken Burns documentary, ya gotta understand, it's like… like being Elvis or being Frankie Valley, if you're a kid who grew up in Brooklyn, in the 1950's. Did I mention that I lived just down the street from Dodger great Gil Hodges? True story.

  ...]]> /article/6186019 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6186019/cobra-kai-vs-the-new-karate-kid Tue, 22 Jun 2010 02:04:21 -0400

  

  A locker room at a karate tournament. Outside, a cheering crowd. Inside, Sensei Kreese paces in front of the students of his evil Cobra Kai dojo, now grown up.
  ...]]> /article/6104953 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6104953/americas-war-on-terror-2001-2010-as-told-through-toby-keith-singles Thu, 27 May 2010 15:05:12 -0400

  

  

  ...]]> /article/6066754 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6066754/on-demands-movie-description-writer-gets-bored-and-changes-channels-after-the-first-5-minutes Mon, 10 May 2010 16:17:30 -0400

  

  

  ]]> /article/6040117 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6040117/memos-to-the-battlestar-galactica Mon, 19 Apr 2010 16:10:00 -0400

  

  

  ...]]> /article/5949768 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5949768/avatar-coming-soon-to-home-video-though-not-like-this Thu, 25 Feb 2010 16:49:56 -0500

  

  

  ...]]> /article/5924154 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5924154/a-valentines-day-confrontation-between-a-mother-and-her-7-year-old-daughter Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:52:57 -0500

  

  MOTHER: Welcome home, sweetheart. How was school?
  
  
  DAUGHTER: Fun! We played Simon Says, then we traded Valentine's Day cards! Look, Michael DeSotto gave me one.
  ...]]> /article/5875370 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5875370/collegehumors-simpsons-roundtable-with-john-ortved Thu, 14 Jan 2010 15:25:46 -0500

  

  
  
  Amir, Jeff, and I are Simpsons nerds. Many times at parties we've sequestered ourselves and just started quoting Simpsons lines back and forth until everyone else is annoyed with us. So when we heard author John Ortved had written a comprehensive oral history of the show, The Simpsons: An Uncensored, Unauthorized History, we invited him over to talk about the's show's 20-year history, how Springfield has changed over the decaded, and of course our favorite characters. —Pat Cassels
  ...]]> /article/5826487 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5826487/china-lifts-twitter-ban-sort-of Wed, 16 Dec 2009 16:50:24 -0500

  

  

  ...]]> /article/5832131 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5832131/the-problem-with-santas-naughty-list Mon, 21 Dec 2009 14:24:20 -0500

  

  

  ...]]> /video/5833156 http://www.collegehumor.com/video/5833156/macgyverrrr Tue, 22 Dec 2009 10:25:10 -0500 /article/5822961 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5822961/patrickss-favorite-bt-shirts Mon, 14 Dec 2009 14:33:52 -0500

  Patrick's Favorite Shirts

  ...]]> /article/5776059 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5776059/the-wisdom-of-king-solomon Mon, 16 Nov 2009 16:25:57 -0500

  

  KING SOLOMON: We will cut the baby in half!
  
  
  MOTHER: No, don't harm the child! I'd rather lose it than see the baby killed.
  ...]]> /article/5782648 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5782648/the-second-thanksgiving Sat, 21 Nov 2009 14:47:23 -0500

  

  Every American knows the story of the First Thanksgiving, when the Wampanoag Indians saved the Pilgrims from starvation and the two peoples celebrated with a feast. Lesser known is the "Second Thanksgiving." Like most Holidays, there was a lot of aggression..
  ...]]> /article/5778497 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5778497/every-part-of-the-buffalo Wed, 18 Nov 2009 09:28:56 -0500

  

  

  
  

  Artwork by Caldwell Tanner
  ...]]>