User

Alex Schmidt

Alex Schmidt

CH Staff
About Me

Writer, editor, GIF-maker, stand-up comic, Internet prompt filler-outer.

Member Since

January 8th, 2007

Website

http://alexschmidty.com

Notes Of The First People Who Ever Took Drugs Article Notes Of The First People Who Ever Took Drugs
Your bipolar neighbor can save a lot of people a lot of trouble now. Picture Your bipolar neighbor can save a lot of people a lot of trouble now.
That guy just kept staring out at the lake until spring came. Picture That guy just kept staring out at the lake until spring came.
The pothole got so big they made it an underground parking garage. Picture The pothole got so big they made it an underground parking garage.
Can't blame the haircuts on the sun though. Picture Can't blame the haircuts on the sun though.
Bird: "Tell me about your childhood." Picture Bird: "Tell me about your childhood."
With the next victim, he held his beating rainbow in front of his eyes. Picture With the next victim, he held his beating rainbow in front of his eyes.
The Keg Twitter Feed Article The Keg Twitter Feed
I hope he's wrong about Saturday at 12PM. At least, I hope I'm not around. Picture I hope he's wrong about Saturday at 12PM. At least, I hope I'm not around.
"I love you, you love me, right? You love me now. Ok good." Picture "I love you, you love me, right? You love me now. Ok good."
Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low. As in, went to hell. Picture Shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low. As in, went to hell.
I mean it was already happening, so let's get it out in the open. Picture I mean it was already happening, so let's get it out in the open.
Wait, that's not Spanish for "caution". Picture Wait, that's not Spanish for "caution".
Two seconds later she unhinges her jaw, python-style. Picture Two seconds later she unhinges her jaw, python-style.
Hey, at least it caters itself. Picture Hey, at least it caters itself.
If the alarm went off when they made the sign, it works. Picture If the alarm went off when they made the sign, it works.
"Yarn aerobics just wears me out." Picture "Yarn aerobics just wears me out."
The biography on the back just says "Douchebag with a personal brand of sausages." Picture The biography on the back just says "Douchebag with a personal brand of sausages."
The tech support guy is too confused to be helpful...if only there were another term for what literally happened to my computer. Picture The tech support guy is too confused to be helpful...if only there were another term for what literally happened to my computer.
He was given the tattoo at birth, and forty years later it had trimmed its way out. Picture He was given the tattoo at birth, and forty years later it had trimmed its way out.
Sudden puberty is just around the corner. Picture Sudden puberty is just around the corner.
Wow, that show has been on forever. Picture Wow, that show has been on forever.
"Okay, when I said 'now do a crazy one', I meant the fun-crazy." Picture "Okay, when I said 'now do a crazy one', I meant the fun-crazy."
He originally wanted "Mom", but she wouldn't consent to having that tattooed on her forehead. Picture He originally wanted "Mom", but she wouldn't consent to having that tattooed on her forehead.
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