User

Alex Schmidt

Alex Schmidt

CH Staff
About Me

Writer, editor, GIF-maker, stand-up comic, Internet prompt filler-outer.

Member Since

January 8th, 2007

Website

http://alexschmidty.com

You know, the drink you give that guy at your party who keeps hitting on your girlfriend. Picture You know, the drink you give that guy at your party who keeps hitting on your girlfriend.
Distressing Facebook Quiz Results Article Distressing Facebook Quiz Results
For being a sign that helps the handicapped, it's not too interested in anybody else. Picture For being a sign that helps the handicapped, it's not too interested in anybody else.
I just hate it when somebody wears the same shoes as me. Picture I just hate it when somebody wears the same shoes as me.
Truck Norris doesn't sleep; he waits. Also, he's a massive decal on a truck. Picture Truck Norris doesn't sleep; he waits. Also, he's a massive decal on a truck.
Hey, we let them pick the cast color. Picture Hey, we let them pick the cast color.
The Mona Lisa, if her boyfriend took an embarrassing camera phone picture of her. Picture The Mona Lisa, if her boyfriend took an embarrassing camera phone picture of her.
This is how the ancient Egyptians put it. Picture This is how the ancient Egyptians put it.
The really cool thing is she got it with her hands. Picture The really cool thing is she got it with her hands.
"No thanks, waitress at Denny's. I don't need a menu to point at what I want." Picture "No thanks, waitress at Denny's. I don't need a menu to point at what I want."
He paints his cat once a day every year. The cat's 15 years old. Picture He paints his cat once a day every year. The cat's 15 years old.
"Wake up! You promised you'd be my prom date tonight." Picture "Wake up! You promised you'd be my prom date tonight."
They didn't last nearly as long as the expiration date said. Picture They didn't last nearly as long as the expiration date said.
Natural Selection Sucks Article Natural Selection Sucks
Nobody can question his nuts. Picture Nobody can question his nuts.
If their masks covered their mouths, they might seem to be having a better time. Picture If their masks covered their mouths, they might seem to be having a better time.
Some people play the flute, and some people PLAY THE FLUTE. Picture Some people play the flute, and some people PLAY THE FLUTE.
Rather just have a sugar cone, thanks. Picture Rather just have a sugar cone, thanks.
It'll only feel normal if you're double-fisting. Picture It'll only feel normal if you're double-fisting.
Explains why the cookbook never listed "vagina" as an ingredient. Picture Explains why the cookbook never listed "vagina" as an ingredient.
Actual photo of Ryan Seacrest as a child. Picture Actual photo of Ryan Seacrest as a child.
That warning should be posted above every Internet comment board. Picture That warning should be posted above every Internet comment board.
That driver met the International Space Station's biggest fan. Picture That driver met the International Space Station's biggest fan.
If any of those are radioactive this can be his origin story as "The Amazing Pigeon-Man". Picture If any of those are radioactive this can be his origin story as "The Amazing Pigeon-Man".
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