Alex Schmidt

Alex Schmidt

CH Staff

About Me

Writer, editor, GIF-maker, stand-up comic, Internet prompt filler-outer.

Member Since

January 8th, 2007

Website

http://alexschmidty.com

Contributions

That warning should be posted above every Internet comment board.

Picture That warning should be posted above every Internet comment board.

That driver met the International Space Station's biggest fan.

Picture That driver met the International Space Station's biggest fan.

If any of those are radioactive this can be his origin story as "The Amazing Pigeon-Man".

Picture If any of those are radioactive this can be his origin story as "The Amazing Pigeon-Man".

And no parking...unless, like, if you've got like a REALLY good reason.

Picture And no parking...unless, like, if you've got like a REALLY good reason.

Let he who is without sin cast the first... creepy stare?

Picture Let he who is without sin cast the first... creepy stare?

The biggest typo you could make.

Picture The biggest typo you could make.

Stop monkeying around and take it off already!

Picture Stop monkeying around and take it off already!

Who needs masturbation when you've got puzzles!

Picture Who needs masturbation when you've got puzzles!

This probably explains why our parents are so damn stupid.

Picture This probably explains why our parents are so damn stupid.

"This mini-mall has everything, man."

Picture "This mini-mall has everything, man."

It's like a boat. Paddle and it makes ripples.

Picture It's like a boat. Paddle and it makes ripples.

"Why yes, my ex-husband does handle road signage in our area."

Picture "Why yes, my ex-husband does handle road signage in our area."

The guy who fed a duck? Dead.

Picture The guy who fed a duck? Dead.

"Nein, these are for me. Did the eleven of you want something too?"

Picture "Nein, these are for me. Did the eleven of you want something too?"

I would take his keys away, but the catflap doesn't lock.

Picture I would take his keys away, but the catflap doesn't lock.

"Now we just need more than five people."

Picture "Now we just need more than five people."

"That looks way better than Keystone."

Picture "That looks way better than Keystone."

Oh, Japan, if you're making that up...

Picture Oh, Japan, if you're making that up...

The next second, somebody hit it off the tee. Hey, that's baseball.

Picture The next second, somebody hit it off the tee. Hey, that's baseball.

What should we drink, C3-PO? "I say, R2!"

Picture What should we drink, C3-PO? "I say, R2!"

Happiest accident ever.

Picture Happiest accident ever.

If they add a drive-thru they could take over the restaurant industry.

Picture If they add a drive-thru they could take over the restaurant industry.

That squirrel just outran every dog in the neighborhood.

Picture That squirrel just outran every dog in the neighborhood.

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