CollegeHumor: Andy & Dave http://www.collegehumor.com/user/2880280 Funny Videos, Funny Pictures, Funny Links! /article/2982825 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/2982825/the-graduation-speech-if-the-biggest-burnout-in-your-high-school-was-valedictorian THE GRADUATION SPEECH IF THE BIGGEST BURNOUT IN YOUR HIGH SCHOOL WAS VALEDICTORIAN Fri, 12 Oct 2007 16:27:18 -0400
Hiiiiii guys. Get it? Anyway…You may be asking yourself a lot of, like, questions right now and stuff…and that’s all good. We all look to our neighbors…like…your friends and classmates and junk…not, like, the people who live near you. Well (He stares out in the crowd for a while) they might live near you, actually. Anyway…you probably wanna know some answers to things…unless you paid attention in class and stuff…then you probably have a lot more answers than me. Some of you are gonna travel. Not me, man. I saw that movie Hostel and it was sick, dude. But on a less serious note, what party are you guys going to…’cause I was gonna go to Brian Murdock’s, but I know Lynn Remington is having one, too. You think she’d fuck me? Ummm…sorry, Lynn, I didn’t realize you were here. I think you’re a really great girl, seriously. I’m going to miss a lot of things about this place. Like the chicken taquitos. Most definitely the chicken taquitos, man. Seriously, I should’ve written something down because all I can think about now is those fucking chicken taquitos. (He takes out a guitar) Some of you may know that I play the guitar and sing in my band Tea Bag. Anyway, I thought I’d rock out a second. I mean there’s gotta be like a hundred people here or something…which would totally be my biggest gig yet. (He plays one of his songs. It is awful.) That one was for you, class of 2007!!! Rock and Roll!!! (He catches his breath) If anyone wants weed for the night or needs an adult to buy them beer I’ll be outside after the reception. FUCK YEAAAAHHHH!!!! SEE YOU AT PRINCETON, BITCHES! Seriously, though, I have weed.
...]]> /article/2964729 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/2964729/michael-jacksons-career-in-retrospect Michael Jackson's Career In Retrospect Fri, 05 Oct 2007 22:29:40 -0400 -“Wanna Be Startin Somethin”

A sexual relationship with a twelve year old boy


-“You’ve been hit by a smooth criminal”

Well, half right


-“Beat It”

To pictures of twelve year old boys


-“The girl is mine”
...]]> /article/2964694 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/2964694/sparknotes-the-fresh-prince-of-bel-air Sparknotes: The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Fri, 05 Oct 2007 22:06:48 -0400




Theme to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

by William Smith







...]]> /article/2964686 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/2964686/ways-to-spot-a-dick Ways To Spot A Dick Fri, 05 Oct 2007 22:03:56 -0400 1. They talk way too loud on their cell phone in public

2. Instead of showering they wear Axe Body Spray

3. They think Heineken is a classy beer

4. They drink protein shakes

5. They own the entire collection of Girls Gone Wild

6. They “don’t vote, bro.”

7. Rock of Love With Brett Michaels is their favorite TV show
...]]> /article/2908468 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/2908468/your-last-conversation-with-your-parents-when-they-drop-you-off-at-college Your Last Conversation With Your Parents When They Drop You Off At College Fri, 14 Sep 2007 20:19:28 -0400
Dad: We’re really gonna miss you, son.The house will seem so empty without you around.
Mom: It was so nice to meet all you lovely young gentlemen. Take good care of my son.
Your roommates: We will.
Dad: Well, we’re off.
Mom: Good by sweetie p...]]> /article/2895465 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/2895465/how-to-make-it-onto-the-mtv-vmas HOW TO MAKE IT ONTO THE MTV VMA'S Mon, 10 Sep 2007 13:45:49 -0400
-Make sure to go crazy, then, when it’s time for your comeback, make sure to be out of shape and not care at all.


-Go to Prison.


-Be really into umbrellas.
...]]> /article/2889023 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/2889023/things-we-learned-from-ms-teen-south-carolina Things We Learned From Ms. Teen South Carolina Fri, 07 Sep 2007 23:10:01 -0400 1. South Africa, The Iraq, & Such As need our help with their serious map shortage
2. U.S. Americans need our help too
3. It is possible to make Mario Lopez look good
4. John Mayer has found a new girlfriend
5. Dumb blond southern girls actually do exist. It’s not just an urban legend.
6. Never go first
<...]]> /article/2880418 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/2880418/things-to-do-in-college-an-agenda-for-the-first-month THINGS TO DO IN COLLEGE: AN AGENDA FOR THE FIRST MONTH Tue, 04 Sep 2007 16:39:06 -0400 Day 1: Grow a mustache so nobody thinks you’re 18.

Day 2: Take one for the team and sleep with your RA.

Day 3: Make all the McLovin references you can, you have exactly two weeks until they officially become played out.

Day 4: Buy a Fake I.D….Unfortunately, it will no doubt look fake.

Day 5: Find out where the financial aid office is so when you go on your
...]]>