I am not inherently funny so I usually just quote funny movie lines written by other people. I have a pretty good memory so I am quite good at this and can make people laugh with my detailed re-creation of scenes.
I have been thinking about something funny to write here for about 10 minutes ... I got nothing dude.
I just farted.
I once got in a fight wearing a shirt with a unicorn on it.
I aspire to have sex with a fat woman ... no such luck yet.
I earned $14 the hard way.
When I grow up I either want to be a doctor, because they are smart and they get to be douche bags and nobody seems to care or I want to be black, because then I can release myself from any responsibility I have for anything and complain about absolutely everything and it would be socially acceptable.
Charlie Sheen ... I really fucking hate that guy.