Right Ball: Wait, what is he doing up there? Oh no…come on, he already did this like 2 hours ago.

Left Hand: Oh, he's going back at it, and of course, I just sit over here, watching the whole thing go down.

Left Ball: Shit, don't complain, every time he jerks it it looks like the god damn apocalypse from o...]]> /article/3461301 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3461301/my-dream-porn-stars Mon, 16 Jun 2008 16:17:55 -0400 So I was doing some research the other day, aka watching Hungarian porn, (it was a midget actually getting lowered inside of a woman) and it came to me, porn is lacking personalities these days. The women get to have some fun in constructing lavish names and sometimes persona's, but the men don't really get to do much. Well forget that. As a bro, I would want the freedom to lay the pipes any way I deem acceptable. I decided to come up with some of the personalities that I would like to see enter the world of porn, just to give it some spice, to make it fresh again. I can only jerk off to zero gravity double penetration three or four more times. Anyway, enjoy.

...]]> /article/3454639 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3454639/xbox-gamertag-sample-pool Wed, 11 Jun 2008 00:58:58 -0400 I wanted to write about something that I have a decent amount of experience with. Aside from masturbation and the movie Willow, the only other thing that I know are videogames. So, that being the case, I decided to do some investigation. I wanted to know what a sampling of Xbox Live Gamertag's would show not only about the people playing video games these days, but the direction of the video game industry as a whole. That being said, I have broken this down into a few categories, enjoy.
...]]> /article/3447903 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3447903/cowabunga Thu, 05 Jun 2008 01:24:13 -0400 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Truly the greatest enterprise to hit America since Ford or the musical institution that is Kenny Loggins. The Ninja Turtles were able to turn a simple cartoon into one of the greatest fads ever marketed to the youth, and I bought it. I was absolutely crazed over Ninja Turtles, especially the toys. These toys were unreal. No, not unreal, fucking EPIC. They aren't lame Dragonball Z or Pokemon toys, they are in their own stratosphere, they belong with the likes of Crossfire and Cows of Moo-Mesa. But forget the chatter, it's time to show what it was that made them truly great.

Viper: Alright guys, we are getting intel that puts at least 4 Mig bogies approaching our position, fast. Since we aren't supposed to be in Russian territory, it is best to assume that they will open fire. Iceman, Slider get out there. Maverick, Goose, I want you guys backing them up. Remember, we are a team, act like one.

Iceman: Yes sir, we are on it.

...]]> /article/3447264 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3447264/metal-album-covers-dissected Wed, 04 Jun 2008 16:49:56 -0400

Folks, face it, Metal Album Covers are the greatest form of artwork that we as a society have today. If you do not know what I am talking about, you soon will. I am talking about that sincere art form displayed on the cover of your favorite metal band's CD. I am going to be looking at some of the top-notch covers and analyzing just why they are so amazing. So sit back, grab a cold brew, get a Nordic Battle Axe, a Big Tittie babe, and enjoy.

...]]> /article/3447098 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3447098/what-your-favorite-90s-toys-and-fads-say-about-you-today Wed, 04 Jun 2008 14:44:59 -0400

Everyone had their favorite toys or fads growing up, it just so happens that if you grew up in the 90's, you really had the best. I decided to take a look at some of the more popular of these, and analyze what they say about your life today. Enjoy.

Furby: You are somewhere in L.A. giving tub jobs and blow jobs under a freeway overpass.

Goosebumps: You only bought these for the covers, and you have yet yet read any book in it's entirety.

Tamagotchi: You seriously love shit, cleaning up shit, and shit of any kind. You are a fecal aficionado. (Wait, Tamagotchi DIDN'T come up on my spell check?)

G.I. Joe: You are currently in Iraq, getting your ass shot up.

Laser Pointers: You are a peeping tom, and you are in jail.
...]]> /article/3445706 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3445706/big-dog-still-exists Tue, 03 Jun 2008 15:10:23 -0400

My god. My fucking god. The other day I was blessed enough to be reminded of one of the trashiest, and most amazing fads of all time – Big Dog clothing. You remember this, don't lie. Hell, maybe you even had one. I am talking about those god damn dirty shirts with the dog saying or doing something completely demeaning. I mean, we took this shit time and time again from this dog, and I am sick of it. Time to strike back. Needless to say, I am going to check out some of the cream of the crop Big Dog shirts because, yes, they do still exist…somewhere in the deepest layers of hell.
...]]> /article/3445681 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3445681/re-rack Tue, 03 Jun 2008 14:48:14 -0400

Beer Pong. A classic game that unites people from all across the country. Through my countless hours of research, I have been able to examine many of the different types of people that enjoy this fine game, and what it is that makes them so very special. Here goes.
...]]>