Johnson: Sir, I have an idea that will change this company.

Mr. Dillon: I'm listening.

Johnson: It came to me in a dream last night, sir.  People are going to love it!

It's disgusting outside. It's the beginning of Spring, and not only is it dark and raining, but there's mud. You can't escape the mud because it's everywhere. On your Lugs or Tims and on the tattered bottoms of your jeans and right outside every car door there's squishy brown earth. Let's go to the mall.

You furtively enter, shielding your eyes from the bright lights that hover above the dueling Asian restaurants. You're huddled together with a couple buds and other soaked refugees you don't even know who have also just come out of the rain. You and your friends, and a Goth teen and an old cougar named Charlene remove your hoods and part ways into the new paradise. This old routine has become increasingly familiar as you enter one of the most gut wrenching places on earth.

Once you regain vision from the shock of artificial light, you realize you are floating in a sea of people without a life raft. But these are no ordinary people; these are the last people you ever want to be submerged in; the punk teenagers, the depressing old people, the Goths, the nerds, the jocks, the teenaged mothers, and the prostitots. The food court brings all walks of life together, people that you don't know personally, but know their personality.
...]]> /article/3942523 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3942523/oregon-trail-diary-of-an-american-hero Tue, 17 Mar 2009 12:59:41 -0400

Day 1: February 20, 1848

I, Jeremiah Thompson, set forth today on a perilous quest across America to Willamette, Valley, Oregon. I hail from the county of Random Eastern State and nobody informed me of why I'm leaving in the first place.

I bring with me my wife, Katie (named after the girl I have a crush on), and my children, Will (named after my best friend), Duffy (named after my dog), Joe (my little brother insisted he be named in my group), and Dysentery (this will be funny if he gets Dysentery). I have four children because that is the maximum number I'm allotted, and I can't die until they all die.

Prior to the excursion, I decided to change my occupancy from a lawyer to a carpenter. Law will have no use on our voyage, but being a carpenter means our wagon will break down less often and I will have an easier time repairing it. Never mind you the eight years of law school.

I visited the county store and bought a few wagon axels, wheels, some oxen, and spent the rest of my money on bullets. This ammunition is for hunting and is most important in order to actually be entertained on this trek.
...]]> /picture/3733061 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/3733061/shrek-and-the-gang Wed, 05 Nov 2008 02:08:12 -0500 /picture/3528354 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/3528354/works-of-balzak-the-magic-skin Sat, 09 Aug 2008 21:32:22 -0400