CollegeHumor: Dan BooRadley http://www.collegehumor.com/user/5717403 Funny Videos, Funny Pictures, Funny Links! /picture/6271561 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6271561/al-faruq-jahir-bomberman Al-Faruq Jahir Bomberman Fri, 27 Aug 2010 01:40:04 -0400 /article/6068049 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6068049/6-sleeping-in-disrupters 6 "Sleeping-In" Disrupters Tue, 11 May 2010 13:11:56 -0400

It’s a special morning where you have the rare ability to sleep in and you’re ecstatic.  It’s a day you can’t wait to enjoy as you get to lay cozy in your bed until you feel it is best to get up. OH SHIT! INSTEAD YOU GET TO BE RUDELY ...]]> /article/6034023 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6034023/previously-neglected-std Previously Neglected STD Wed, 14 Apr 2010 23:24:14 -0400 As college students you should be considerably aware of promiscuous people when you're out and about.  Women, watch out for pretty much every single male at school. Even that D&D kid who is constantly wheezing, because hidden admidst that breathing disorder are some of the most vile and dirty things you'll ever here. Men, lets make sure she isn't a cum dumpster.  If you do end up sleeping with one of the infected without that thin coat of armor, there's a pretty good chance you just got an STD.  So what if you avoid the promiscuous people, and feel as if you're safe? You don't need a condom, right?  Well, even if you think they're clean, watch out,  you may get the most expensive and longest lasting STD there is regardless.

Succint definition of Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD):a communicable infection transmitted by sexual intercourse or genital contact.
...]]> /picture/6026683 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6026683/my-money-is-on-bullet-bob My money is on bullet-bob. Fri, 09 Apr 2010 20:26:27 -0400 /picture/6006194 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6006194/its-the-d-the-i-the-d-the-d-the-y-the-d-the-i-the-d-its-diddy-hold-up It's the D the I the D the D the Y, the D the I the D.. It's Diddy (Hold up) Mon, 29 Mar 2010 22:58:17 -0400 /article/5986535 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5986535/new-achievements-for-call-of-duty-mw2 New Achievements for Call of Duty: MW2 Sun, 21 Mar 2010 19:55:05 -0400 Online mutiplayer achievements:

Frustration

Stretch Armstrong: Get killed 25 times by a melee knife while 15 ft. away from the opponent.

F*ck You San Francisco!: Call 1,000 different players "gay".

The light! It burns!: Manage to get killed by the flash of a flashbang.

Hello, Goodbye: Get 100 spawn deaths.

Goodbye, Oh Hello: Get 100 spawn kills.

I'd Say It's More of A Lodge Than a Camp: Win a game as top player without ever moving from one spot. 

Face It, It's Not Working: Continuously attempt to kill Lodger, and die 8 times in a row.

I know you are, but what am I?: Get in an argument with a kid.

God Damn Kenyans…: Get killed 100 times by a person with lightweight, marathon, commando, and tactical knife (Super Soldier).

Just accept the anal penetration:  Turn around (without a shotgun), and see a super soldier running at you without bothering to even shoot.

No thanks, I'd rather bitch:  Keep yelling at a player to STFU, and say only that, for 10-minutes straight rather than just muting them.

 

Ridiculous

Shankopotomous: Get stabbed through a wall.

I thought they got rid of that!: Get killed 10 times in a row due to care-package glitch.

You're a better man than I: Get killed with a randomly fired grenade launcher without swearing.

T-1000:  Shoot an opponent point blank with a shotgun, and they don't die. They then kill you.

This isn't Halo damn it!:  Hit an opponent with your entire magazine and they don't die.

Must be the Coriolis effect: Get killed by a sniper rifle when the scope's crosshair isn't even on your body.

F#$df%&!jo@#!@: You're one kill away from a upper level kill streak and die because of Super Soldier, Random-nade, or by teammate not using Cold-Blooded who is next to you during an opponents kill-streak reward.

 

Nerdom

You're so 1337:  Give a 15-minute rant on how you nuked everyone of those n00bs.

Cock-a-doodle-DUEL: Join one penis clan and battle another (8==D, 8==>, 8=D, etc.).

These thumbs have killed so many: Have a play time higher than 10 days.

Mapathetic: Get 100 "random" kills when shooting into typical spots without even really noticing anyone there.

So seeing that you don't have a girlfriend, what are you doing this weekend?: Prestige 4 times.

What YEAR is it?: Prestige 6 times.

Hi, This is Infinity Ward, and we'd like to apologize first hand for what we've done to you: Prestige 9 times.

WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!: Prestige 10 times.

 


...]]> /article/5978853 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5978853/if-historic-figures-had-gamertags If Historic Figures Had Gamertags Sun, 14 Mar 2010 18:34:35 -0400

...]]> /article/5977670 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5977670/mario-has-really-upped-what-it-takes-to-be-a-plumber-in-italy Mario Has Really Upped What it Takes to be a Plumber In Italy Sat, 13 Mar 2010 11:28:30 -0500 Translated to English



To all interested,

We here at Giovanni's Plumbing Services are looking for additional team members.  We are a growing b...]]> /article/5966973 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5966973/this-spring-break-go-to-donkey-kong-country This Spring Break, Go to Donkey Kong Country Thu, 04 Mar 2010 09:12:57 -0500 Found some nice deals online the other day if you still haven't found a place to go to for spring break, pretty cheap too if you want to save money.

I wanted to see what's up with the music scene there. This is DJ Diddy's latest album. IT'S BANANAS!

...]]> /article/5926651 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5926651/contra-journals-vol-2 Contra Journals: Vol. 2 Thu, 11 Feb 2010 15:21:35 -0500 Journal Entry 4 (Bill)

Bill again,

That last fort was pretty insane. It didn't make much sense.  The layout of the interior was exactly the same as the one before it, except it had way more barrels. On a note, I'm beginning to question Lance's navigational skills.  He keeps insisting we travel only forward and back across the island. Where we could just as easily deviate around the completely enemy infested paths through the trees. Nope, face forward and keep shooting he says. To compromise we hung out in the forts debris until nightfall. We're about to head out, and I'm going to kill 47, no, 59 human-alien freaks this time.

P.S: All right, what the hell. We just went outside the fort and there is freakin' snow on the ground. When the hell did we travel to the artic? I thought we're on a tropical island. I might be going crazy on this island, but there shouldn't be freakin' SNOW damn it!! I think I have hallucinated though, like… on the waterfall Lance started flashing, and when he got shot he didn't even notice. I tried to ignore it until now, but this island is getting the best of me. But f*ck this snow. I'm still going shirtless.

 

Diary Entry 4 (Lance)

Lance Corporal Lance heeeere! Just kidding I'm actually a Major!

Ugh, I decided not to tell Bill how I feel. There is just too much at stake, and there is no way in hell I want to risk not being able to work with my most favoritest person in the world. I'd just DIE!

Bill was complaining again to me today, but I could tell he was just frustrated with whats been going on with this island. He criticized my navigational skills, and I had to explain to him the quickest way from A to B is a straight line. DUH. He can be so silly. I mean why tip-toe around the island? We're too much men for all these troops, aliens, and bugs to handle. Especially Bill, he's waaaaay too much man for all of them. I can handle him though. Pssshh. I wish.

P.S: Bill's nipples were so hard today. ; )

Journal Entry 5 (Bill)

Big Brawler Bill here,

So I've been  trying to wrap my head around this dance that overtook Lance's body when we were fighting in the snow. All of a sudden Lance and I both stopped and Lance looked up twice, down twice, left, right, left again, right again, jumped and shot his gun for no reason. Nothing happened then, and then he did that strange dance three more times with slight variations. Nothing ever happened afterwards and he has no recollection of doing this, so we just carried on. God help me that I don't go insane. Oh, and what else is new. Freakin' fought a UFO today. Why? Couldn't tell ya', because I sure as hell don't know why the f*ck it's here. I just ran underneath it, and blew it apart in 5 seconds with my Spread Gun. Alien queers.

Oh. I grabbed one of those dynamite throwing-alien loving-barrel chucking-dirty Nicaraguan S.O.B's, and I asked him what the hell was going on with this island. All he said was some gargling, and spit some blood. You know why? BECAUSE I WAS CRUSHING HIS LARYNX WITH MY THUMB! So after killing him I grabbed another by his skull and said "who are you!". He said they are the "Red Falcon"? Whatever. So I broke apart the temporal lobe of his skull which splintered into his brain causing an insane hemorrhage.  Well were about to go into what looks like their islands generator. Who knows what we'll find in here. Freakin', a robotic T-Rex? OH I KNOW, how about a freakin' 20 ft. tall jacked soldier with spiked shoulder pads!? Ha ha ha, yeah right, get real.

 

Diary Entry 5 (Lance)

HEEEEY,

So I almost got ran over by a plow/ tank today. I'm O.K. though. Couldn't say the same about the driver. Tee-hee. It was fun in the snow, even though there was a point I blacked out for a while. I felt fine afterwards though and have no idea what happened. Pretty odd, but nothing is normal around this place. Bill obliterated a UFO today. He would say I helped, but we all know he's the real soldier.

I've been working on a scrap-book to give to Bill once this mission is over to show him all the crazy things we went through, and hopefully he'll see all the personal moments we share. Hopefully. Now only if I could find some glitter on this island. Hmphhh.

 

Diary Entry 6 (Lance)

Today is the saddest day ever,

Life is desolate and barren to me now. I don't even know how I'm bringing myself to write this, but it may be my only coping mechanism.  I don't mind if my tear drops wash away my ink after this is written, but it must be vented. Today…Bill died. The rainbows in my sky and life are faded. I'm on a eternal downward spiral, and I swear to god I will shoot every one of these bitches in their heart so they can feel the pain I feel. And with everyone of those pricks I kill I will whisper, "I love you, Bill". I can't believe my hero is really gone. Reality stopped, and I'm still in denial. WHY COULDN'T YOU JUMP OVER THAT MUTANT SOLDIER!!! He failed 3 times, and on the third try he didn't get back up. He laid there, blinking lifelessly…then faded away. He just couldn't time it right. Bill you beautiful stubborn bastard, why didn't you learn the first time! WHY!!!!!! From here on out I will honor Bill by "blowing the f*cking sh*t out of this island".

I'll miss you Bill. So much. I'll finish this mission for you and your rippling biceps.

...]]> /article/5947690 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5947690/brians-terrible-date Brian's Terrible Date Tue, 23 Feb 2010 22:29:51 -0500 [Brian is waking up on the couch]

Brian: Oh no, it's almost 6:00 PM! Lindsey is gonna' be calling soon.

phone rings

Br...]]> /article/5927260 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5927260/what-a-videogamer-would-say-to-boost-his-ego-when-talking-about-a-girl What a Videogamer Would Say to Boost His Ego When Talking About a Girl Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:37:08 -0500 So you drag yourself away from your console, and are with a couple of your buddies at the bar, club, party, dance, baseball game, gym, or anywhere you have a chance to see a fine young lady you want to get with. Of course before you go over (which you most likely won't), you have to build yourself up by joking about what you would do to her for your friends. Now what if you're all into a particular video game? This is how I think it would go:


...]]> /article/5926377 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5926377/girl-drinks-her-weight-in-alcohol-and-survives Girl Drinks Her Weight in Alcohol and Survives Thu, 11 Feb 2010 11:34:11 -0500 Feb 8, 2010, Philadelphia, PA- College student, and 2nd semester Freshman, Lauren Williams has reportedly drank "such a fucking ridiculous" amount of alcohol last night at her sorority mixer after a fellow classmate overheard Lauren talking to her friend in the back of their statistics class. The concerned student, being a pre-med major, found it incomprehensible when she dis...]]> /picture/5924432 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/5924432/in-the-face IN THE FACE!!! Tue, 09 Feb 2010 21:54:33 -0500 /article/5923346 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5923346/clean-old-fashioned-hate-valentines-day Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate: Valentine's Day Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:09:01 -0500 *Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate is a series of writings by Dan Bradley for a local magazine. Not your rivalry game Georgia.



First off, I'm not goi...]]> /picture/5922778 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/5922778/no-little-boy-trust-me-im-really-a-squirrel-now-can-i-have-some-nuts No, little boy, trust me. I'm really a squirrel. Now can I have some nuts? Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:27:57 -0500 /article/5920574 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5920574/disaster-wins-super-bowl Disaster Wins Super Bowl! Sat, 06 Feb 2010 11:41:39 -0500

Well, they did it. The Saints defied many and won the Super Bowl (including my guess that they were going to be obliterated by the Colts), but oh no don't let the victory fool you.  Just as we've...]]> /article/5885942 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5885942/contra-journals-vol-1 Contra Journals: Vol. 1 Thu, 21 Jan 2010 11:55:34 -0500
Journal Entry 1 (Bill)

Bill here,


I'm on my way to this island that's somewhere in South America, they wouldn't tell us where exactly, but I'm guessing it has something to do with those dirty, thieving Nicaraguans. Looking out the helicopter the place looks surreal but I'm pretty sure I'm going to rapid fire the sh*t out of it. No South American is going to get the better of me. I'm coming off of training at peak. I've increased my athletic prowess so that I can jump 10 ft into the air, leap 12 ft chasms, and be able to do countless front flips effortlessly, even while moving backwards. Me and my buddy Lance here are some tough S.O.B's and we're ready to take out the suspected 800 troop installment all by ourselves, because we have one thing the enemy doesn't have. Spread Guns.


...]]> /picture/5899137 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/5899137/would-have-probably-been-the-best-action-movie-ever Would have probably been the best action movie ever. Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:22:08 -0500 /picture/5868620 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/5868620 Untitled 19 Sun, 10 Jan 2010 13:30:43 -0500