1) Rosie O'Donnell- Do I really need to explain this one? I know that she's a lesbian, which should in theory make her that much hotter, but the thought of having sex with Rosie is about as appealing as getting kicked in the nuts by David Beckham. Rosie O'Donnell is about as sexy as a UPS truck.
...]]> /article/68336 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/68336/what-kind-of-drunk-are-you-a-collegehumor-quiz Thu, 27 Apr 2006 00:00:00 -0400 Whoever it was that said that alcohol affects peoples actions just might have been on to something. Alcohol makes people do things that they would not otherwise be doing if they were sober (i.e. sleeping on the pool table, singing along to "Take me Home Tonight", kissing you). However, although it is obvious that alcohol changes everyone's personality, it seems to change everyone's personality a different way. I came up with a little personality quiz you can take to find out for yourself just what kind of drunk you are. Dig in.
...]]> /article/68267 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/68267/your-guide-to-late-night-infomercials Sat, 04 Mar 2006 00:00:00 -0500 It's late at night and for whatever reason, you can't sleep. You try counting sheep, you try chugging NyQuil, you try flipping the pillow over to the "cool" side (Cool side, yeah right. Even the bed spread knows that side is a douche bag) but nothing works. So you turn on the television and venture into the world of late night infomercials, but what do you watch? Fear not, dear reader, for I have compiled a road map to navigate your way through the highway of late night infomercials. Have at it.
...]]> /article/68288 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/68288/collegehumor-interview-with-dave-coulier Mon, 27 Feb 2006 00:00:00 -0500 An actor is just a different type of person. The fact that they appear on television or movies just makes them that much better then you, right? Therefore they should be given the right to act like assholes when ever the mood strikes them. They should be allowed to throw phones at hotel bell boys, jump up and down like idiots on Oprah's couch, or espouse their often unfounded political insights and we should appreciate them as creative geniuses. Let most of them act like prima donnas! Let them make outrageous demands, and when things don't go right, let them run off to their on-set trailer. But when things don't go so smoothly, don't expect Dave Coulier to go running off to his.
...]]> /article/68254 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/68254/it-aint-easy-being-a-bouncer Fri, 24 Feb 2006 00:00:00 -0500 People don't really know me. They think they do, but they don't. They just see me as the giant at the front of the club. They know I'm huge, I mean totally fucking jacked out of my mind, and they know I'm totally cool, (Do you think a nerd would spend so much time in the gym building muscles like these?) but they don't know the real me.

...]]> /article/69266 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/69266/what-ever-happened-to-suck-it Wed, 08 Feb 2006 00:00:00 -0500 You know what I miss? Crossing my wrists over my crotch and telling everyone to suck it. There was no better way to insult someone, finish a book report, or tell Grandma what you really felt about her than that simple little move. In the late 1990's, "Suck it" was everywhere, like fear of Y2k, but just like the millennium bug paranoia, it seemed to disappear in the 21st century. In its absence, many catchphrases have tried to take its place as the most popular and overused little saying that was once cool, but the general public has ruined, most recently "Git-R-Done". But today, I hope to start a movement of the masses that unites under a common goal; the long awaited, safe return of Suck it!
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