S...]]> /article/6888466 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6888466/every-first-conversation-with-a-gym-trainer Mon, 06 May 2013 16:34:31 -0400

1. Trainer

   Hey boss, first time?

2. /article/6887295 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6887295/starbucks-new-bathroom-policy-sucks Tue, 30 Apr 2013 15:06:23 -0400
   

   
   

   ...]]> /article/6885735 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6885735/8-upgrades-tinder-needs-to-make-now Tue, 23 Apr 2013 10:53:16 -0400 Tinder, the newest "dating" app to take the world by storm is arguably the most fun game currently available for the iPhone. The app is still in its infancy and has a long way to go, so I went ahead and specced out some new design features that would really come in handy.

   
   

   ...]]> /article/6882554 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6882554/flowchart-do-you-have-time-to-masturbate Fri, 05 Apr 2013 17:54:55 -0400

   

   ...]]> /article/6879170 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6879170/an-open-letter-to-hollywood-regarding-orphans Thu, 21 Mar 2013 14:38:02 -0400

   

   ]]> /article/6876066 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6876066/10-real-life-mascots-for-your-college-sporting-event Thu, 07 Mar 2013 13:55:42 -0500

   

   Obliterated Alumnus

   Why He's There: Because there's nowhere else to go. All his old college buds are married with kids, and this is the one time during the year he can recreate his glory days, which weren't even that glorious to begin with.

   Catchphrase: "BACK IN MY DAY WE… (muffled, presumably racist comment)"

   Cheer: "WOOOO AHHHH YEAAAA I LOOOOVE Y'ALLLL"
   ...]]> /article/6877327 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6877327/how-to-handle-your-hangover Wed, 13 Mar 2013 15:01:32 -0400

   

   
   

   ---

   
   
   

   ...]]> /article/6874762 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6874762/8-genetically-modified-foods-i-wish-existed Thu, 28 Feb 2013 19:24:34 -0500

   

   
   

   ...]]> /article/6870297 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6870297/these-new-cigarette-warnings-seem-a-little-sarcastic Tue, 12 Feb 2013 14:18:07 -0500

   

   ...]]> /article/6869157 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6869157/talking-down-your-classroom-boner Thu, 07 Feb 2013 17:06:23 -0500

   

   Jason, 13, sits in the back of Ms. Stevens' 7th Grade Algebra class.

   
   
   Jason: That's enough, you've had your fun. Now it's time to come down.

   Boner: Not until I get what I deserve!

   Jason: I will not negotiate with a mad man.

   Boner: No? Then I'll BLOW UP! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!

   Jason: No, no, no. No one wants that. Come down and we'll talk like men.

   Boner: Don't fuckin' patronize me, man. I know as soon as I come down you'll forget all about me. I'M GONNA BLOW. I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL DO IT!

   Jason: Do you remember '86? You want us to end up like Tommy Fitz? Ring a bell? 8th grader. Pooped his pants in gym and had to transfer schools. We don't want another Fitz situation on our hands.

   Boner: You think I want to be like this. You brought me here. You did this to me. You turned me into this monster.

   Jason: Me? How?

   Boner: You! EVERYONE! Jessica Callahan. Ms. Stevens' tight sweater. The parabola on page 22. So curvy! YOU DID THIS TO ME!

   Jason: Mistakes have been made on both sides, but it doesn't have to end this way. Talk to me.

   Boner: I just want my freedom. I'm locked up like an animal in here! I demand fresh air 24/7.

   Jason: You know we can't do that.

   Boner: Fine, then I want to meet Tiffany Hendrix personally! Today!

   Jason: We're working on that. We've been working on that for months. It's just going to take some time, but if you come down now we can work on that together. How does that sound?

   Boner: I'm thinkin' about it. That could maybe work.

   Jason: Great. We'll get you all set up with—- COLD SHOWER! COLD SHOWER! GRANDMA!

   Boner: WAIT! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!! FUCKIN' DOUBLE CROSSER!

   Jason: RICE PUDDING! FINGERNAIL CLIPPINGS! BIRKENSTOCKS!

   Boner: YOU'RE NOT GETTING RID OF ME THAT QUICKLY! You fool… how easily we forget: Tiffany wore Birkenstocks last week with a cute little plaid skirt. It was so hot.

   Jason: DAMN!

   Boner: Now I know I can't trust you.

   Jason: You know I have no jurisdiction over my thoughts. A.D.D. came out of nowhere. That wasn't my call and you know it.

   Ms. Stevens: Jason, do you want to come up to the board and solve this equation?

   Jason: Listen, man, I need you to come down now.

   Boner: I'M NOT COMING DOWN!

   Ms. Stevens: Jason, what are you doing? Did you hear me?

   Jason: YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS! COME DOWN NOW!

   Boner: NEVER!

   Ms. Stevens: Hello? Jason? What're you doing over there?

   Jason: You've left me no choice. I'm sorry.

   Boner: What're you doing, Jason? STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

   Jason tucks his boner up into his waistband.

   
   ...]]> /article/6865629 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6865629/if-these-walls-could-talk Wed, 23 Jan 2013 22:00:48 -0500

   

   
   

   Downstairs Bathroom

   
   19-year-old son stumbles in and flops onto the toilet

   Toilet Wall: Code Red, everyone. Code Red!
   ...]]> /article/6857763 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6857763/11-alternatives-to-mistletoe Tue, 18 Dec 2012 13:47:25 -0500

   

   ...]]> /article/6855855 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6855855/7-positions-for-sex-at-your-parents-place Tue, 11 Dec 2012 09:47:16 -0500

   

   ...]]> /article/6854183 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6854183/how-to-roll-the-perfect-joint Wed, 05 Dec 2012 19:11:15 -0500

   

   ...]]> /article/6743768 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6743768/misogynistic-tv-guide-writer Tue, 20 Mar 2012 09:31:42 -0400

   

   12>

   ]]> /article/6740009 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6740009/flowchart-did-you-embarrass-yourself-last-night Tue, 13 Mar 2012 09:30:08 -0400

   

   ]]> /article/6716653 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6716653/what-your-desk-toys-say-about-you Mon, 27 Feb 2012 23:24:54 -0500

   

   

   ...]]> /article/6695322 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6695322/pop-up-notifications-in-real-life Fri, 20 Jan 2012 04:36:27 -0500

   

   

   ...]]> /article/6647975 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6647975/the-seven-deadly-websites Mon, 14 Nov 2011 23:04:22 -0500

   

   
   

   ...]]>