CollegeHumor: Neil Padover

Your Random Hook-Up Translated

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 14:48:47 -0400

Simply roll your mouse over the text to reveal its true meaning!

Don't worry, we just broke up.

I need to wake up early.

The Hills Spec Script

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 22:49:42 -0400

Tyson's Choice

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 11:03:03 -0400

Dear Beechwood State - RE: Brian Ackerson's Acceptance

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 08:26:23 -0500

To Whom It May Concern in the Admissions Office of Beechwood State University:

I am writing to provide supplementary information for one of your recently accepted students, Brian Ackerson. I am sure that your staff in the admissions office is nothing but skilled at determining which potential applicants would make great contributions to your University, however, I have to say that in this case you were gravely wrong. Having known Brian for the past sixteen years, and serving as his resident best friend up until just last week I feel extremely qualified to be testifying to his character.
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Perez Hilton Blogs Through History

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 12:22:05 -0500

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The Clintons Are At It Again

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 14:34:03 -0500

A Former Contestant On MTV's "Next"

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 08:50:37 -0500

Brandon walks into his favorite restaurant Picante del Sol.

Maitre d': Yes sir, how can I help you?

Brandon: What's up? I'm Brandon, a twenty one year old surfer who spends my time riding the waves and straight up chillin'. I love classic cars and I'm looking for a girl who can keep up with all my fast turns.
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John Mayer's 10 Year Reunion

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 09:07:44 -0500

Lydia: Wow, it's so great to see you guys.

Ted: Definitely. I can't believe it's been ten years already.

Brian: We sure had some good times back in high school.

Lydia: Oh no.

Ted: What?

Lydia: Look who just burst through the double doors.

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Verona: Based on a True Story

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 12:26:41 -0500

Juliet stands waiting by her window while a swift breeze blows by.

Juliet: Romeo, O Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo?

Romeo: Hey, I'm down here. Will you shut up? You're gonna wake up the whole neighborhood.

Juliet: I can't but keep my lips silent yet another minute as I am full to the brim of your sweet love and tender sword.

Rom...

How I Met Your Mother

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 10:18:30 -0500

Jeremy and his parents are sitting at the kitchen table over dinner during winter break.

Mom: It's so good to have you home Jeremy.

Jeremy: Yeah, OK.

Dad: You're making a lot of friends at school son?

Jeremy: Yeah, actually…there's something I want to tell you.
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Lesser Known Lists By Oskar Schindler

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 13:20:50 -0500

The Kid Who Grew Up Without a TV

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 17:28:06 -0500

Jesse: So, I was watching the Disney Channel last night…

Roger: Wow. Don't even talk to me.

Jesse: Dude, they have re-runs of Boy Meets World. Shut up.

Roger: Oh, for real?

Jesse: Yeah, so good.
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People Who Won't Be Celebrating All Souls Day Tomorrow

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 14:07:47 -0400

Lucifer

Geraldo Rivera

White R&B Singers

Carlos Mencia

Suri Cruise

Never Before Seen: Back To The Future - 1st Draft

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 09:41:50 -0400

Many people know that actor Eric Stoltz, originally cast as Marty McFly in the film "Back to the Future" was replaced by Michael J. Fox after only four weeks of shooting. According to recently uncovered documents, however, that wasn't the only change that was made.

_____________________________________________________________

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Insensitive Guy at an Intervention

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 11:36:36 -0400

A small group of friends and family stand around a kitchen in an apartment talking.

Tom: I hope Mike appreciates what we're doing for him.

Scott: I think even if he doesn't appreciate it now, he will understand eventually.

Ellen: Oh my God you guys. Look who's here!
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On Columbus Day

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 14:15:37 -0400

October 12, 1492 – Somewhere in the Americas

Christopher Columbus steps off his ship onto land. His shipmates are wide-eyed and eager to explore the riches of the land they have just stumbled upon.

Columbus: You see? I told you we'd make it here. And to think you ever doubted me.

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Frat Shirt Translations

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 16:26:46 -0400

Woohoo! It's time for that big homecoming game! That means you get to do two things 1) drink beer while pretending to feign passing interest in your school's football team and 2) get to see what clever T-shirt slogans the fraternities on campus have cooked up for this year's event.

The thing about fraternities is that they're super secretive and don't really want you to know any of their secret rituals which is why even their designs are written in code.

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The Therapist's Son

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 11:51:58 -0400

Sean Johnson, 9, sits in the school cafeteria eating his lunch when Ron Gunner, the school bully approaches.
Ron: Hey loser, give me your sandwich.
Sean: W...

Excerpts From Bill O'Reilly's New Children's Book: "Cautionary Tales"

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 12:10:38 -0400

T-REX: So did you see the Cavefight last night?

STEGOSAURUS: Yeah, yeah I did.

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A How to Guide on Safe Sex by a Guy Who Doesn't Really Understand Safe Sex

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 16:23:39 -0400

No luck with the babes this summer? Don't sweat it. This semester's going to be different. I can feel it. Lady Luck is smiling down on me…you…I mean us, and we are gonna get our freak on with some hot females before you can say, "restraining order."

Of course, we can't forget the most important part of hooking up: safety. So I devised a little guide on how to engage in safe sexual practices.
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