ME: Hey… listen, I'm really sorry I kept trying to hit on your friend last night when her boyfriend was out of the room. I was really drunk.

/article/6871380 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6871380/warren-g-harding-the-movie Sun, 17 Feb 2013 01:00:23 -0500 Hollywood, why do we have another movie about Lincoln reaping the critical acclaim when we as a nation have yet to honor Warren G. Harding with a single appearance on film or television? I aim to change that with my script: Harding, Also a President.

...]]> /article/6870031 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6870031/puritan-valentines-day-cards Mon, 11 Feb 2013 15:42:32 -0500

...]]> /article/6866882 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6866882/obituaries-for-video-game-characters-i-have-played-recently Mon, 28 Jan 2013 17:50:46 -0500

]]> /article/6862198 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6862198/5-reviews-from-a-water-aficianado Tue, 08 Jan 2013 21:52:52 -0500

LABEL: DASANI
MAKER: The Coca-Cola Company
...]]> /article/6858713 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6858713/excerpts-from-my-john-boehner-cross-over-fan-fiction Fri, 21 Dec 2012 15:23:38 -0500

Speaker John Boehner wasn't going down without the last word. "I'm afraid we've got more Covenant on the way," buzzed the Cortana AI. The Master Chief was already on it, jumping into the swarm of Brutes with his rifle blazing white-hot. An Elite made the charge toward Boehner, but the Ohio public servant's impressive torso – sculpted on the Moeller High Football Field – deflected every attack before unleashing an assault of his own with the Springfield Rifle it was his God-given right to carry.

...]]> /article/6857517 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6857517/5-holiday-classics-for-modern-times Mon, 17 Dec 2012 14:11:15 -0500

Annabelle looked at the smiling red-suited man currently stuffing the stockings placed around the old mantle. "S-S-Santa?" she whispered in shock. The man turned and winked at Annabelle from her hiding place near the staircase. He gave a jolly smile as wide as his belly and beckoned her closer. The young girl approached, her eyes a-twinkle in wonder.

"Santa, you're real! You're really real!" The man gave her a big, warm hug.

"I am real as long as there is love in the world," said the bearded Kringle kindly. He pulled a large sack filled to the brim with gifts and knelt down to little Annabelle. "And what is your Christmas wish, Annabelle?" he asked.

"Santa, could you please bring my mommy back to life?" the girl asked, her heart pumping with hope. Santa smiled, hugged her again, and reached deep into his sack, from which he removed a brand new purple Furby with over twenty unique phrases. "Those are almost impossible to get," said Santa before departing up the chimney.

Annabelle looked down at the Furby. She supposed this was just as good. "Doo-Moh" said Furby.