CollegeHumor: Matt http://www.collegehumor.com/user/72679 Funny Videos, Funny Pictures, Funny Links! /article/3389804 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3389804/mel-kiper-jr-evaluates-ten-year-olds Mel Kiper Jr. Evaluates Ten-Year-Olds Sun, 27 Apr 2008 14:08:32 -0400 Several kids congregate in a cul-de-sac to divvy up teams for a neighborhood football game. Billy Walsh and Tommy Smith are selected as captains, and Billy is given first pick after correctly guessing the number behind Gavin Johnson's back.



...]]> /article/2928737 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/2928737/pick-up-lines-for-the-hopeless-discovery-channel-addict Pick-up Lines For the Hopeless Discovery Channel Addict Sat, 22 Sep 2007 01:38:12 -0400
"People call me Les Stroud because I like the outdoors and always film myself."


"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Ben Bailey?"


"I have a load fit to be hauled by Jay Westgard."
...]]> /article/2914682 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/2914682/im-blue-da-ba-de-da I'm Blue (Da Ba De Da) Mon, 17 Sep 2007 15:17:10 -0400 Justin Furstenfeld, the lead singer for Blue October, recently named his daughter "Blue." That got me thinking, "What other singers could get away with naming a child after their band." So I compiled a list of other bands who could… and some who shouldn't.

  • Pearl Jam
  • Joy Division
  • Beastie Boys
  • Ace of Base
  • Eve 6
  • Butthole Surfers
  • Operation Ivy
  • Anal Cunt

    • ...]]> /picture/2883931 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/2883931 Untitled 3 Wed, 05 Sep 2007 23:19:27 -0400 /article/2426217 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/2426217/for-a-good-time-call For a Good Time Call Mon, 13 Aug 2007 17:21:23 -0400 My lunch started out like any other. Overcooked hamburger, undercooked fries. Then, suddenly, the unthinkable happened: my debit card was DENIED. "Oh, really? Try this one, I guess," I stammered as I handed the waitress another piece of plastic. She tried to console me, "Don't worry. It happens all the time." My heart raced. Sweat droplets lined my brow. As my friends and coworkers readied themselves to leave, I awaited my fate. She returned, receipt in hand. I hastily scribbled my illegible signature and left a hefty tip. Partly because I was too flustered to do the mental aerobics. Partly as if to say "please forget this ever happened."
    ...]]>         /article/1566326 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1566326/titles-of-well-known-books-with-one-word-replaced-by-douche Titles of Well-Known Books With One Word Replaced By "Douche" Tue, 17 Jul 2007 04:34:35 -0400


    • Slaughterhouse-Douche: The Children's Crusade
    • Twenty Thousand Douches Under the Sea
    • Moby Douche
    • The Douche's Guide to the Galaxy
    • Douche With the Wind
    • A Time to Douche
    • To Douche a Mockingbird
    • Green Eggs and Douche
    • A Douche in the Attic
    • The Grapes of Douche
    • I Hope They Serve Douche in Hell
    • For Whom the Douche Tolls
    • Nineteen Eighty-Douche
    • Douche of the Flies
    • The Pelican Douche
    • The Douche at the End of the Universe
    • Curious Douche
    • The Great Douche
    • The Silence of the Douches
    • One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Douche Fish

      • ...]]> /article/1547227 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1547227/names-of-1950s-rock-and-roll-icons-if-they-were-rappers Names of 1950s Rock and Roll Icons If They Were Rappers Mon, 16 Jul 2007 17:18:21 -0400
  • 'Lil Richard
  • The Everly Brothas
  • The B.I.G. Bopper
  • Buddy Holla
  • Johnny Ca$h
  • Chuck Bury
    • /article/1212417 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1212417/a-conversation-between-a-tongue-and-a-penis A Conversation Between A Tongue and A Penis Wed, 04 Jul 2007 13:27:55 -0400
    Penis:     Hey, tongue.



    Tongue: What's up, dick?



    Penis: Shakes head. Do you have a minute?
    ...]]>         /article/1156195 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1156195/matt-presents Matt Presents... Tue, 12 Jun 2007 16:53:56 -0400


    Two buddies, Jeff and Kyle, converse over beers following a tough intramural softball loss.


    Jeff: Damnit, I can’t believe we lost to the SigEps again. Those guys are total douches.
    ...]]>         /article/1066428 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1066428/an-open-letter-to-streeter-seidell An Open Letter to Streeter Seidell Fri, 18 May 2007 16:13:45 -0400 Hey Street,


    How have you been? I've been holding down the medicine cabinet. Mostly hanging out behind the deodorant and the half-empty bottle of penicillin. You know, that infection isn't going to heal itself. I talked to toothbrush the other day. I asked him to tell you "hello" and that you're almost out of mouthwash.


    ...]]> /article/1024023 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1024023/are-you-fcking-retarded Are You F*cking Retarded? Tue, 08 May 2007 16:31:35 -0400 I meet them every day. They are everywhere: in my classes, at my office, in the park, at the bar, and in my very own house. They are the people that make me say "Are you f*cking retarded?" Want to become one of them? Do any of the following:


    • ...]]> /article/1018737 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1018737/re-re-accidental-plagiarism-an-open-letter-to-thomas-murray Re: Re: Accidental Plagiarism: An Open Letter to Thomas Murray Mon, 07 May 2007 11:05:39 -0400 ZING!

      ]]>             /article/1008154 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1008154/nfc-east-heavyweights-square-off-tsb-style NFC East Heavyweights Square Off TSB Style Fri, 04 May 2007 10:06:48 -0400
      EAST RUTHERFORD—The Philadelphia Eagles and New York Giants met today in a game that could go a long way in determining the winner of the NFC East. Decimated by injuries, the Big Blue had hoped to cool off the red-hot Eagles who had won four straight. Already without Pro Bowl quarterback Phil Sims, the Giants were relieved to hear that starting running back David Megget would be available for today's game. Megget, who had spent the night at a local hospital with an undisclosed (sexually transmitted) ailment, was released just minutes before kickoff and ran the three miles to the stadium in full pads as he was cheered on by adoring fans and hospital orderlies.
      ...]]>             /article/968412 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/968412/my-top-five-states My Top Five States Thu, 26 Apr 2007 14:36:52 -0400 Based on number of beers consumed.


      5. Minnesota

      4. Kansas

      3. Missouri

      2. Texas

      1. Nebraska


      Click here if you don't get this really weak joke.

      ]]>             /article/961055 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/961055/taken-out-of-context Taken Out of Context Wed, 25 Apr 2007 08:52:08 -0400 One of the perks of working in a structural engineering office is that the vernacular lends itself well to innuendo. Here are a few examples that made me giggle like the fourth grade girl that I am.


      • "What is your erection sequence?"
        ...]]> /article/895430 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/895430/the-morning-after-30-rock The Morning After: 30 Rock Fri, 13 Apr 2007 12:46:52 -0400



        A typical Friday morning conversation:
        ...]]>                 /article/895192 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/895192/kurt-vonnegut-is-dead Kurt Vonnegut is Dead Fri, 13 Apr 2007 11:29:37 -0400 So it goes.

        ]]>                 /article/886387 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/886387/if-you-really-must-know If you really must know... Wed, 11 Apr 2007 15:13:37 -0400 I got an e-mail a couple weeks ago about an alumni banquet for my major, and it asked for a brief update of professional/personal information that will be printed in the program or something. I'm actually considering attending to see if mine sneaks in.


        Neel,


        Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. I’ve had a lot of things going on. If you really must know, life after graduation has left something to be desired. Shortly after moving to KC, it became apparent that my wife had been having an affair with Raul, our apartment complex’s handyman. I should have known something was up when after six visits to fix our water heater I still couldn’t take a five minute shower. From there, my life quickly spiraled downwards into an abyss of drugs, alcohol, and homeless hookers. Sam, who I had been staying with, kicked me out after four separate occurrences involving all three. Did I mention I got fired for “insubordination,” “conduct detrimental to the company,” “gross negligence,” and “blatant misuse of company resources”? I’m working on an appeal to the insubordination charge; that one is completely unfounded. Not everything has been sour, however, as we welcomed our second child in November. My court-ordered visitations are scheduled to start any day now. I’ve also picked up a second shift at Wendy’s and am very excited about the new breakfast menu. Sausage frescuit = Genius!
        ...]]>                 /article/827095 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/827095/ch-interviews-gatekchiclet CH Interviews: GaTekChiclet Thu, 29 Mar 2007 16:40:53 -0400




        She's on the boards and on the frontpage, and now she's the first in my series of CH commenter interviews. Enjoy.



        ...]]> /article/821101 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/821101/the-poor-mans-guide-to-collegehumor The Poor Man's Guide to CollegeHumor Wed, 28 Mar 2007 11:02:05 -0400 In the cutthroat world of commenting on pictures of girls making out, a noob's head is undoubtedly brimming with questions. Who should I emulate? Who should I loathe? Is that Pee-wee Herman? Lucky for you, I have answered these questions and more in my Poor Man's Guide to CollegeHumor.



        ...]]>