CollegeHumor: Comments by Patrick Cassels

CollegeHumor: Comments by Patrick Cassels http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794411 No Droids Allowed Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794411 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

"Oh, no, we're not together."

Luke, C-3PO and R2-D2 walk into the Mos Eisley Cantina. The Bartender stops them.

Bartender: Hey! We don't serve their kind here!

Luke: What?

Bartender: Your droids. They'll have to wait outside.

C-3PO and RD-D2 turn to leave.

Bartender: Oh, sorry, the short one can stay. Just not the shiny, prissy one.

Luke: I'm sorry?

Bartender: The effeminate one with the lisp. We don't serve his kind here.

C-3PO: Apologies, sir, it's a British accent. If it offends you, I can certainly...

Luke cuts him off.

Luke: What are you trying to say, buddy?

Bartender: I just think there are some cantinas on the west side that might be more his speed.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-17 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 31 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772112 Watch TV With US! Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:15:35 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772112 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> tonight at 9:30pm on MTV! You're going to be watching, right? Right?! Cool. Us too. Us too.

Um, hey, I hope this isn't too forward, but what do you think about watching it, you know, together? I mean as friends. It'll totally be a friend thing. Super casual. Remember a couple week ago when we had that Q&A sesh in the comments section? We were just thinking about that. We had a really good time. Do you also remember how you said, "We should do this again sometime?" Ok, maybe we said that. Either way. We want to try to do it again tonight during the show. You sit at your computer, we'll sit at ours, and you can ask us anything you want and we'll answer in the comments section. Anything you want. Let's not keep secrets from each other. Still totally a friend thing though.

Cool? Awesome. 7-10:30pm (eastern), comments section of this article. It's a date. I mean, not a date date.

Unless you want it to be.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 41 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772112 Watch TV With US! Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:15:35 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772112 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> tonight at 9:30pm on MTV! You're going to be watching, right? Right?! Cool. Us too. Us too.

Um, hey, I hope this isn't too forward, but what do you think about watching it, you know, together? I mean as friends. It'll totally be a friend thing. Super casual. Remember a couple week ago when we had that Q&A sesh in the comments section? We were just thinking about that. We had a really good time. Do you also remember how you said, "We should do this again sometime?" Ok, maybe we said that. Either way. We want to try to do it again tonight during the show. You sit at your computer, we'll sit at ours, and you can ask us anything you want and we'll answer in the comments section. Anything you want. Let's not keep secrets from each other. Still totally a friend thing though.

Cool? Awesome. 7-10:30pm (eastern), comments section of this article. It's a date. I mean, not a date date.

Unless you want it to be.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 41 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772112 Watch TV With US! Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:15:35 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772112 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> tonight at 9:30pm on MTV! You're going to be watching, right? Right?! Cool. Us too. Us too.

Um, hey, I hope this isn't too forward, but what do you think about watching it, you know, together? I mean as friends. It'll totally be a friend thing. Super casual. Remember a couple week ago when we had that Q&A sesh in the comments section? We were just thinking about that. We had a really good time. Do you also remember how you said, "We should do this again sometime?" Ok, maybe we said that. Either way. We want to try to do it again tonight during the show. You sit at your computer, we'll sit at ours, and you can ask us anything you want and we'll answer in the comments section. Anything you want. Let's not keep secrets from each other. Still totally a friend thing though.

Cool? Awesome. 7-10:30pm (eastern), comments section of this article. It's a date. I mean, not a date date.

Unless you want it to be.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 41 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772112 Watch TV With US! Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:15:35 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772112 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> tonight at 9:30pm on MTV! You're going to be watching, right? Right?! Cool. Us too. Us too.

Um, hey, I hope this isn't too forward, but what do you think about watching it, you know, together? I mean as friends. It'll totally be a friend thing. Super casual. Remember a couple week ago when we had that Q&A sesh in the comments section? We were just thinking about that. We had a really good time. Do you also remember how you said, "We should do this again sometime?" Ok, maybe we said that. Either way. We want to try to do it again tonight during the show. You sit at your computer, we'll sit at ours, and you can ask us anything you want and we'll answer in the comments section. Anything you want. Let's not keep secrets from each other. Still totally a friend thing though.

Cool? Awesome. 7-10:30pm (eastern), comments section of this article. It's a date. I mean, not a date date.

Unless you want it to be.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 41 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772112 Watch TV With US! Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:15:35 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772112 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> tonight at 9:30pm on MTV! You're going to be watching, right? Right?! Cool. Us too. Us too.

Um, hey, I hope this isn't too forward, but what do you think about watching it, you know, together? I mean as friends. It'll totally be a friend thing. Super casual. Remember a couple week ago when we had that Q&A sesh in the comments section? We were just thinking about that. We had a really good time. Do you also remember how you said, "We should do this again sometime?" Ok, maybe we said that. Either way. We want to try to do it again tonight during the show. You sit at your computer, we'll sit at ours, and you can ask us anything you want and we'll answer in the comments section. Anything you want. Let's not keep secrets from each other. Still totally a friend thing though.

Cool? Awesome. 7-10:30pm (eastern), comments section of this article. It's a date. I mean, not a date date.

Unless you want it to be.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 41 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772112 Watch TV With US! Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:15:35 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772112 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> tonight at 9:30pm on MTV! You're going to be watching, right? Right?! Cool. Us too. Us too.

Um, hey, I hope this isn't too forward, but what do you think about watching it, you know, together? I mean as friends. It'll totally be a friend thing. Super casual. Remember a couple week ago when we had that Q&A sesh in the comments section? We were just thinking about that. We had a really good time. Do you also remember how you said, "We should do this again sometime?" Ok, maybe we said that. Either way. We want to try to do it again tonight during the show. You sit at your computer, we'll sit at ours, and you can ask us anything you want and we'll answer in the comments section. Anything you want. Let's not keep secrets from each other. Still totally a friend thing though.

Cool? Awesome. 7-10:30pm (eastern), comments section of this article. It's a date. I mean, not a date date.

Unless you want it to be.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 41 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772112 Watch TV With US! Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:15:35 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1772112 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> tonight at 9:30pm on MTV! You're going to be watching, right? Right?! Cool. Us too. Us too.

Um, hey, I hope this isn't too forward, but what do you think about watching it, you know, together? I mean as friends. It'll totally be a friend thing. Super casual. Remember a couple week ago when we had that Q&A sesh in the comments section? We were just thinking about that. We had a really good time. Do you also remember how you said, "We should do this again sometime?" Ok, maybe we said that. Either way. We want to try to do it again tonight during the show. You sit at your computer, we'll sit at ours, and you can ask us anything you want and we'll answer in the comments section. Anything you want. Let's not keep secrets from each other. Still totally a friend thing though.

Cool? Awesome. 7-10:30pm (eastern), comments section of this article. It's a date. I mean, not a date date.

Unless you want it to be.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 41 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771080 The CollegeHumor Show: Q&A Fri, 20 Feb 2009 12:58:40 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771080 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Making this show has been a very fun experience, but it's also been a really strange one. It's no wonder we've been getting a ton of questions from you guys, and not just the normal questions like "Does Sarah have a boyfriend?" and "You guys are gay," but genuine queries about the show. So, as a little thank-you-for-watching and a big screw-the-stupid-Oscars, we'd love to try and answer any questions you have. Just leave them in the comments and we'll answer them in a couple days.

Don't forget to watch the show this Sunday at 9:30pm/8:30c on MTV. It's about the morning after our annual Hottest College Girl party and it's one of our favorite episodes.

Also, the Oscars suck. For real.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 42 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771080 The CollegeHumor Show: Q&A Fri, 20 Feb 2009 12:58:40 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771080 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Making this show has been a very fun experience, but it's also been a really strange one. It's no wonder we've been getting a ton of questions from you guys, and not just the normal questions like "Does Sarah have a boyfriend?" and "You guys are gay," but genuine queries about the show. So, as a little thank-you-for-watching and a big screw-the-stupid-Oscars, we'd love to try and answer any questions you have. Just leave them in the comments and we'll answer them in a couple days.

Don't forget to watch the show this Sunday at 9:30pm/8:30c on MTV. It's about the morning after our annual Hottest College Girl party and it's one of our favorite episodes.

Also, the Oscars suck. For real.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 42 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1895384 Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li Trailer Tue, 30 Dec 2008 18:14:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1895384 Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li Trailer nonadult comedy The producers begged Jean Claude Van Damme to reprise his roll as Col. Guile, but sadly they weren't being serious at all. street fighter, movies, trailers, video games, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1895384"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/7/collegehumor.0157f46644d333feea86f19731d26836.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 12 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1765034 Issue #86 Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1765034 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Brought to you by James' Bond, the world's most exciting financial guide.

My Grandmother just turned 84 last week. I sent her a birthday card with a check for $10 in it.

-Kevin S.

How come when a man talks nasty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks nasty to a man it's $3.99 a minute?

-Zach McGrath

All statues are of people riding a horse, and waving a sword. In the future will all statues be of people in cars, waving a sword?

-Matt Vita

My dog's daily planner

1. Sleep
2. Sit on human's face to wake it up
3. Lick own genitalia
4. Sleep
5. Poop....a lot.
6. Sleep
7. Bark at nothing
8. Poop in the house
9. Lick own anus.
10. Stare at human until it gives me food
11. Poop
12.Sleep

-Conner Kerrigan

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-11-18 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 101 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1885789 Hardly Working: Bug Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1885789 Hardly Working: Bug nonadult comedy It's important to have the right equipment to handle any emergency. CH Originals, hardly working, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1885789"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/6/collegehumor.1765cb1abaa21e6fdc409816e0340a1f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1798 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1884452 Hardly Working: Nerd Scars Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:05:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1884452 Hardly Working: Nerd Scars nonadult comedy They're gonna need a bigger battlestar. hardly working, CH Originals, star wars, settlers of catan, scar, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1884452"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/c/collegehumor.e5d52bba857a0d1297c48ffcfd867067.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 877 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1762118 Issue #77 Tue, 16 Sep 2008 14:31:23 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1762118 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

More fun than a barrel of monkeys struggling to breathe.

Honest Crotch Grab

Whoa, is that your cell phone, or is your cube-shaped d*ck vibrating?

-Sarah Schneider

I know I'm dealing with an idiot when someone tells me "nothing rhymes with orange", because nothing and orange don't sound anything alike.

-Jeff P.

Darth Vader...worst hide-and-go-seek player ever.

-Nate S

A smart Halloween costume for a poor person is a Jehovah's Witness.

-Conor McKeon

All black people look alike: Handsome.

-Amir Blumenfeld

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-09-16 14:31:23 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 136 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1828804 Wet Pets Tue, 02 Sep 2008 12:09:38 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1828804 Wet Pets nonadult comedy Sadly, this is a grocery store. commercial, animals, rap, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1828804"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/5/collegehumor.321c612d4726dde0e8e3ff457fc3f3cb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 98 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760826 Issue #74 Tue, 19 Aug 2008 16:08:04 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760826 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

The reason the Japanese invented vowels.

What All Chinese Fortune Cookies Should Say

You are about to take a dump in 10 minutes.

-Nghia Nguyen

If 24 Was Set During Daylight Savings Time

"The following events take place between 2 AM and 2 AM."

-Shawn Pearlman

People always say the worst thing is when you finish sh*tting and realize there is no more toilet paper. I think the worst thing is when you finish sh*tting and realize you're in the shower.

-Mike P

Bacon with your breakfast is like the icing on the cake. Though I also put icing on my bacon.

-Patrick Cassels

I wonder if some registered sex offenders are just really shy people who needed an excuse to introduce themselves to their neighbors.

-Conor McKeon

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 118 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759611 The 10 Grossest Hollywood Thumbs-Into-Eyes Fri, 25 Jul 2008 19:19:05 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759611 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> (Compilation video after the jump)

Blade Runner
Horror films enjoy including eye-gouging for gross-out effect. Philosophical films like Blade Runner, however, tend to use the move as a sophisticated Oedipal metaphor. Either way, we the audience get our well-deserved share of thumbed carnage.

28 Days Later
Danny Boyle's post-modern zombie flick explored the savage similarities between man and monster. The conclusion: you don't need to be undead to jam your opposable digits into someone's skull until blood oozes out like red corn syrup.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy was a show that never shied away from killing off major characters for big moments, and as the final story arc wound down the writers wanted to reinforce the idea that anything could still happen. The best way to show that was to go where no network drama had gone before -- knuckle-deep into a sidekick's eye socket.

Rob Zombie's Halloween
With a scene where a young man is pinned to a kitchen wall with a knife, the original Halloween is hard to top in the gore department. Luckily, the remake was helmed by Rob Zombie; how could it NOT include gratuitous eye gouging?

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1562982"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/5/collegehumor.a38249fddab8bb4c357d45a5e57a11dc.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1562982">Jeff & Patrick</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 61 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759611 The 10 Grossest Hollywood Thumbs-Into-Eyes Fri, 25 Jul 2008 19:19:05 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759611 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> (Compilation video after the jump)

Blade Runner
Horror films enjoy including eye-gouging for gross-out effect. Philosophical films like Blade Runner, however, tend to use the move as a sophisticated Oedipal metaphor. Either way, we the audience get our well-deserved share of thumbed carnage.

28 Days Later
Danny Boyle's post-modern zombie flick explored the savage similarities between man and monster. The conclusion: you don't need to be undead to jam your opposable digits into someone's skull until blood oozes out like red corn syrup.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy was a show that never shied away from killing off major characters for big moments, and as the final story arc wound down the writers wanted to reinforce the idea that anything could still happen. The best way to show that was to go where no network drama had gone before -- knuckle-deep into a sidekick's eye socket.

Rob Zombie's Halloween
With a scene where a young man is pinned to a kitchen wall with a knife, the original Halloween is hard to top in the gore department. Luckily, the remake was helmed by Rob Zombie; how could it NOT include gratuitous eye gouging?

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1562982"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/5/collegehumor.a38249fddab8bb4c357d45a5e57a11dc.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1562982">Jeff & Patrick</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 61 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759091 Issue #69 Tue, 15 Jul 2008 16:38:43 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759091 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Has my father been sent to the cornfield? 'Cause this is a dream come true!

I figured I had failed my company's drug test because I put "C" for every answer. Turns it they just wanted a urine sample. I was really high that day.

-Conor McKeon

Rhetorical Answer

Q: What disease would you just kill yourself if you had??
A: Depression.

-Amir Blumenfeld

The grass is always greener when you are not color blind.

-Rich MacKenzie

Live-Blogging A Comedy Show

10:31 - LOL
10:32 - LOL
10:34 - LOL
10:35 - ROFL
10:36 - GTG

-Streeter Seidell

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 177 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />