We recently got a very interesting email here at CollegeHumor. We realized right away what kind of opportunity we had. I scrambled to write questions, questions I have been dying to ask. 24 hours later here I am. Posting an interview with I had with this guy.

When did you make the jump from one collared shirt to two, two to three, three to four? Was it a gradual process with steps? Or did 4 come out of nowhere?

Trust me, you don't want to make the jump straight to 4, it could kill you. It's a long and grueling process to get up to 4 shirts, and so far I'm the only one with enough coolness to get there.

How hard is the final shirt to put on? Do you need to buy your shirts in varying sizes?

They are all size small, to accentuate my already bulging muscles. In order to get the last one on, I had to have several women rub me down in corn oil. It took about 7 hours, plus 2 for the corn oil to dry.

How many collared shirts do you own?

Hmmm. How many different polo shirts has Abercrombie & Fitch made? Multiply that number by 4. That's your answer.

Simply roll your mouse over the text to reveal its true meaning!

What Is This Life
By Pig-Pen

Each day of my life is an absurd hellscape in which I am trapped inside a shroud of permanent filth. My only desire is to make sense of this ludicrous nightmare.

For as long as I've lived, this godforsaken soot-cloud has followed my every footstep, and foiled my every attempt at escape. No one has ever talked to me about anything but this.

In addition, I have no life, no friends, and no education whatsoever. Whenever I try to take my seat in school, I am mistaken for tumbleweed and swept out of the room by the janitor. I am commonly mistaken for garbage.

The only true companion I have in the world is Franklin the African-American. He and I have a great deal in common, as I am the only person with my condition, and he is the only black person in existence.

I know I am hardly the only person in town with problems. Charlie Brown has lost all of his kites to a monstrous human-like tree, and cannot bring himself to distrust Lucy. My parents speak only in shrill, heart-rending trombone honks. Shermy, once a mainstay in my circle of friends, seems to have disappeared off the face of the Earth entirely. Still, my dirt-cloud seems to me the most chilling penalty of all.

I pray that one day I might escape this baffling existence.

Head and Tail, Yes and No, Hate and Love, Before and After. Here I bring to you, Down and Up.

Before Marriage

He: Yes. At last. It was hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy?! I'm not that kind of person.
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes!
She: Darling!

After Marriage

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