I was in a gas station because I needed a pack of Kool Kings.  In line in front of me was a retarded midget.  And I mean really retarded, as in mentally disabled.  Now, I am lacking in every midget-appropriate social grace known to man.  I have no idea how to behave when a midget, or otherwise tiny person, is nearby.  I often confuse them with children and speak to them as such.   Add retarded to the mix, and I'm outright socially crippled.  Additionally, after all this time, I'm still not sure if this retarded midget was a girl or a boy, or a man or a woman.  I am just going to refer to her as "her" because it's easier that way.  Just keep in mind that she might have been a he.  

She had no hair.  Just peach fuzz on top of her head.  She appeared to have a cold, which was creating a mess of mucus on her face.  She was attempting to purchase a Pepsi, but she was 48 cents short.  I happened to be holding, in my hand, two quarters.  She was fumbling around for a few minutes, trying to locate 48 cents, and I was standing behind her holding the two quarters. 

Moose: Dude you wouldn’t believe the weekend I just woke up from. It was absolutely legitimate.

Gary: Yeah what went on? I didn’t really see you after your knees bucked trying to carry that keg in on your shoulder
Moose: Hahah, shut up dude you know that kegger DEFINITELY wasn’t light beer. You know what I mean.

Moose gives Chad a ball slap

Chad: Yeah, yeah. So let’s hear about another "Amazing Moose Adventure."
Moose: Alright, here it is. I was at this drag themed party at my buddy’s crib when out of nowhere this banging ass chick rolls up to me and starts macking it. Now this was like 10 o’clock so I was already probably half a keg in but from what my buddies were telling me this feminita was ripe.