CollegeHumor: Comments by Easy Mac http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1778071 Dating, It's Complicated: Issue #5 Thu, 18 Jun 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1778071 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me at dating.itscomplicated[at]gmail.com!

My sophomore year of high school I was dating my boyfriend for a few months. One day I told him I had something to show him in my room upstairs. This was the first time my boyfriend was allowed into my room; we were alone together. He goes straight to my compter and tells me I need more RAM.
-No Longer Dating A Nerd, CT

My girlfriend dumped me for a guy named Chaz.
-Anonymous

I had a huge crush this girl when I was in 7th grade.  I invited her, along with the rest of my class, to my Bar Mitzvah.  After much persuading from my friends and her friends, I finally asked her to dance.  She said no.
~Ev

On my very first date, I took a girl to go see "Knocked Up". Needless to say, it was very awkward when I was spent the rest of the night trying to get into her pants.
-Dave, University of California, Irvine.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/7/collegehumor.34fb0a748e9767bd8891bea7cfb6f87d.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-06-18 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873">Jason Michaels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1146"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 165 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773153 Parents Just Don't Understand: 3/31 Tue, 31 Mar 2009 16:30:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773153 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? Do they use words like "MyFace,""SpaceBook,"or "The World Wide Web?"

If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, submit it here!
And thank God we'll never be as dumb as they are!

Your parents' Firefox.
My aunt just sent me a text message that said, "r u by an internet?"
Jessica M

My fiance's dad always invites us to his house to watch movies and have pizza, which is nice...What's not nice is that he only buys widescreen DVD's and because they're "smushed" he presses the zoom buttom (x2) and we miss a lot of the picture. Also, whenever he sees something remotely funny he "rewinds" by pressing the previous scene button. It takes us 3 hours to watch a 90 minute movie.
Joe S., Fort Lewis College, Durango

My dad just got back from the Verizon store. He told my mom to check out his new "eartooth."
thecoolguy Smith, Westmoreland County Community College

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-03-31 16:30:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 140 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1763509 Ready, AIM News Fri, 17 Oct 2008 14:58:19 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1763509 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-10-17 14:58:19 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 61 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1763221 Opposite Day News Fri, 10 Oct 2008 02:01:25 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1763221 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-10-10 02:01:25 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 178 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753451 The First Frat Party Sat, 19 Apr 2008 20:13:15 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753451 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:567573"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/f/collegehumor.e31544b8506a4c9b09a2185fcc8e2f40.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-19 20:13:15 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:567573">Dean</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:121"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 156 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1806720 Guitar Hero World Record Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:56:09 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1806720 Guitar Hero World Record nonadult comedy Would you rather be this guy, or mediocre at real guitar? Guitar Hero, world record, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1806720"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/c/collegehumor.807a6bc613d1d459ce870ddc4706f340.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 97 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1736942 CH Sports Weekly: A Rogue Isolated Column Wed, 25 Jul 2007 10:47:06 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1736942 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>


Ethan: This has been the greatest month for non-sports sports stories since O.J.  The only way this could get better is if Nicole Brown Simpson's real killer was Tim Donaghy wearing a Bad Newz Kennels shirt.  Has the NBA lost all of its credibility in the eyes of the public?  Did it even have any to begin with?

[upload:1922654:small:left:Tim Donaghy takes a crap on the court during halftime of a Spurs/Suns playoff game. "Whatever."]Amir:  We won't really know how much credibility is lost until the investigation ends. If somebody is threatening your life, is it illegal to call a late foul to push the game into the over? I don't  think our founding fathers had this in mind when they wrote the constitution, though I haven't read amendments 16-33 so correct me if I'm wrong.

Ethan: The I know the 27th Amendment bans poll taxes, but I think there's some gambling subtext about not doubling down with a seven against a dealer face card showing. 

Amir: The right to hit on Soft 17?

Ethan: Didn't we all sort of think the NBA was rigged before this?  We were comfortable with superstars getting all the calls, we only complained a little about the 2006 Finals, we basically didn't mind, I guess.  The NBA was always one hop from WWE, and nobody complained as long as we didn't have to see Oliver Miller in wrestling trunks.

Amir: Yeah, since when are people so upset about the NBA being "Unfair?" Isiah Thomas is the GM AND Coach of the New York Knicks. How is that fair to the city of New York? That's much less fair than two late Jamal Crawford free throws to cover the spread.

Ethan: What about Bruce Bowen taking a major paycut to play for the Spurs. How is that fair?

Amir: What about David Stern looking like an anorexic Alfred Hitchcock? Is that fair? God is the most corrupt ref of all...
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:233"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/d/collegehumor.b4ac6dcf20609e2b4ad0c4cd25e50307.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-07-25 10:47:06 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:233">Amir and Ethan</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 7 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1766835 At 7 and 4 years old, they're already phenoms. The Tiger Woods of beer pong. Sun, 15 Jul 2007 11:06:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1766835 At 7 and 4 years old, they're already phenoms. The Tiger Woods of beer pong. nonadult comedy At 7 and 4 years old, they're already phenoms. The Tiger Woods of beer pong. beer pong, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1766835"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/f/collegehumor.044e1c62f2e00b23519be41f38e4ebd2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:325751">Jake</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:111"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 21 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734510 The Mother from "Hush Little Baby" Makes Some Returns At Target Thu, 21 Jun 2007 16:25:56 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734510 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Hi. I hate to be a bother, but yesterday I purchased this large-billed mockingbird, and it wasn’t quite what I expected. No, it doesn’t sing at all. So, if it’s not too much of a hassle, I guess I’ll make an even exchange for the next best thing – this 4-karat diamond ring. Oh, yes, I can pay the additional $52,400. He’s a very picky baby.

So I bought this diamond ring yesterday afternoon, and gave it to my baby. It’s none of your business “why.” The point is that when I woke up this morning, it was brass. How does that even happen? I didn’t pay $52,400 for my diamond to go reverse Rumpelstiltskin. You know what? Just give me a looking glass. My baby is not going to be happy about this.

Okay, hi. The looking glass broke. I think what did it was my baby’s high-pitched agonized scream when he realized he was getting a mirror instead of that 4-karat diamond. Do babies even like anything other than mockingbirds and diamonds? Get me a Billy Goat from the Goat aisle. No, I don’t need any gruff with that. Jesus Christ.

I have a question. What use does my baby have for a Billy Goat that won’t pull? Obviously you have not met my baby. My baby has a large collection of heavy metal objects, and he needs them continuously relocated. You think he can do it himself? He’s a Goddamn baby! So I’d like to exchange the goat for this cart and bull. My baby has goods to be transported, and he doesn’t have all day.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-06-21 16:25:56 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 76 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734320 An Interview with "She" of "That's What She Said" Fame Tue, 19 Jun 2007 15:35:14 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734320 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Kev Kage: OK, so, first off...should I call you She?

She: That’s a little short, but it’ll do.

KK: Great. It’s no secret that you’re pretty well-known amongst the CollegeHumor commenters. How would you gauge your popularity?

She: I can’t believe how much it’s grown!

KK: It really is incredible, isn’t it? People seem to take notice of everything you say, even if it’s an arbitrary comment. For example, someone mentioned that you said, “I love roosters.”

She: That’s not exactly what came out of my mouth.

KK: Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t read my notes. My handwriting is atrocious.

She: Don’t worry, there’s better things you can do with your hands.

KK: How right you are! I heard that you broke the world record for “Time Spent on the Tea Cup Ride”, and that your Dad was your coach. What kind of advice did he give to you?

She: He just told me to sit on it and spin.

KK: Tremendous words of wisdom. Speaking of which, do you have anything to say to the people who have been thinking about making the SATs more difficult?

She: The harder the better, I always say.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:563001"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/9/collegehumor.cf54b46b2f97049222ea03d9cd14a553.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:563001">Kev Kage</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 263 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734311 What's On Tonight? Tue, 19 Jun 2007 14:28:01 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734311 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/a/collegehumor.7d8b975affed1e53fc3e6afa6f0a2364.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-06-19 14:28:01 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239">Streeter Seidell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:271"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 276 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1733975 Elementary School vs. College Fri, 15 Jun 2007 09:58:07 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1733975 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Note: the first half of this article was written by a real-life 5th grader.


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:631494"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/d/collegehumor.aefefba05adec0eb158d18dd8d36a1b2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-06-15 09:58:07 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:631494">Kevin Corrigan</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:344"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 101 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1733835 I Take Issue With The Way The Sopranos Ended Wed, 13 Jun 2007 21:50:53 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1733835 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
That's why when the show ended suddenly with an echoing "Don't Stop," I felt betrayed.  I had invested many hours of my life watching this show, knowing that at some point there would be a conclusive finale.  I think, more than anything, that
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/a/collegehumor.7d8b975affed1e53fc3e6afa6f0a2364.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-06-13 21:50:53 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:239">Streeter Seidell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:271"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 19 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1763154 Optical Illusion Mon, 11 Jun 2007 12:19:12 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1763154 Optical Illusion nonadult comedy How many illusions aren't optical? optical illusion, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1763154"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/8/collegehumor.451414bee54a598639b0b8281fb7df56.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 565 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1761834 CollegeHumor: The Musical, coming to Broadway in 2008! Tue, 05 Jun 2007 01:47:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1761834 CollegeHumor: The Musical, coming to Broadway in 2008! nonadult comedy CollegeHumor: The Musical, coming to Broadway in 2008! screams college, moth, perhaps the best picture on coll, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1761834"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/6/collegehumor.73bad32ac4ce23b34038d8e6a833cf05.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1913484">SlantE</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 95 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1732856 Random Thoughts Sun, 03 Jun 2007 22:30:17 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1732856 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
  • I think we should stop capitalizing the word "I", because then people can tell when i am emphasizing that I am doing something.
  • What do you call a man from India who gives you something and then wants it back?
  • There is a city in the state of Washington called George.
  • Are there normal twins in Siam, or is one of them deported at birth?
  • Do three wrongs make a right and a half?
  • If we evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
  • I don't understand Pro-choice vegetarians, they are opposed to killing animals for food, but have no problem with killing fetuses for food.
  • I'm fairly sure that the sole reason that the drinking age is 21 is because of the game of blackjack.
  • I want to see a pirate with an eye-patch over one eye and a monocle on the other.
  • I find it odd that 7 is so common, 7 seas, 7 wonders of the world, 7 days in a week. It all seems a little too convenient.  I seriously doubt the validity of the Caspian Sea.
  • Why didn't the Power Rangers just use the Megazord to crush the monster BEFORE he turned huge?
  • Is it "ur so rite" or "u r so rite"?
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:565851"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/b/collegehumor.6373d99cdef768d5a492fa8b017600f7.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:565851">Goroman</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1127"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 47 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:129829 When is it "too much" tequila? Mon, 11 Apr 2005 00:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:129829 When is it "too much" tequila? nonadult comedy When is it "too much" tequila? bathroom, bikini, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:129829"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/2/collegehumor.d3dd77c9bc72d5e0d5ce04f25d8c7629.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 176 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1761308 The capacity on this pool is six dudes or a twenty-five scantily clad women. Wed, 30 May 2007 16:28:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1761308 The capacity on this pool is six dudes or a twenty-five scantily clad women. nonadult comedy The capacity on this pool is six dudes or a twenty-five scantily clad women. sausage party, ho tub, sideboob, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1761308"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/f/collegehumor.e20b97b2fd947c8bb9fd920f2ebf10ba.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 16 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1761354 Someone get Marissa Miller an ipod shuffle. Tue, 29 May 2007 18:53:20 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1761354 Someone get Marissa Miller an ipod shuffle. nonadult comedy Someone get Marissa Miller an ipod shuffle. marissa miller, ipod, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1761354"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/e/collegehumor.0a613ffbe4637c54f49d954e636ed9ad.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:70367">RealMayonnaise</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 812 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1761354 Someone get Marissa Miller an ipod shuffle. Tue, 29 May 2007 18:53:20 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1761354 Someone get Marissa Miller an ipod shuffle. nonadult comedy Someone get Marissa Miller an ipod shuffle. marissa miller, ipod, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1761354"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/e/collegehumor.0a613ffbe4637c54f49d954e636ed9ad.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:70367">RealMayonnaise</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 812 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />