The master of the overly complex mysteries of Lost/Alias/Fringe, omnipresent lens flares of Star Trek, and frizzy hair of Felicity hasn't always been able to spin engaging plots with fresh, interesting characters. In fact, JJ (at the time known as "Jeffrey") may have made the most ridiculously, jaw-droppingly bad buddy comedy of all-time: Gone Fishin'. In case the pairing of Joe Pesci and Danny Glover as wacky fishin' pals who get into wild hijinks in an attempt to go fishing (really) isn't enough for you, just watch the film and prepare for his greatest mystery of all: how did this movie ever got made? Nothing is funny, the hijinks are non-sensical, and it contains possibly the most uncomfortable Willie Nelson cameo of all-time. SPOILER ALERT! They don't even catch any fish.

Extra Bit of Ridiculous: Dean Cain's dad directed it.

Millions of geeks praise everything Joss Whedon touches without even needing to think. Joss Whedon has a new show? IT WAS THE MOST BRILLIANT SHOW OF ALL-TIME! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT GOT CANCELLED! Joss Whedon makes a sandwich? SINGLE GREATEST SANDWICH EVER! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT GOT EATEN! Joss Whedon makes a third sequel to Alien? IT WAS THE...oh, the one with Winona Ryder? Ew. That crap was terrible. Whedonites try to forget their Lord/Master/Rich Man's Diablo Cody ever had his hand in that pot, but helping Winona Ryder stay employed is something that should be punishable by death.

Extra Bit of Ridiculous: The director's next film? Amelie.

• 9/2 at the University of Wyoming (Laramie, WY) - Hosted by Streeter and Jeff, featuring Jake and Amir, and Dan Levy
• 9/8 at Missouri State (Springfield, MO) - Jeff and Patrick open for Broken Lizard
• 9/10 at Kent State (Kent, OH) - Jeff and Streeter open for Broken Lizard
  
• 9/11 at North Central College (Naperville, IL) - Hosted by Streeter and Jeff, featuring Pete Holmes, Thomas Middleditch, and Josh Fadem
• 9/11 at Skidmore College (Saratoga Springs, NY) - Hosted by Jake and Amir, featuring TJ Miller and Dan Levy
• 10/8 at Maryville University (St. Louis, MO) - Hosted by Jake and Amir, featuring Jeff Dye and Dan Levy

The Resurrection of Ray
In a summer of sequels, Ray Charles returns to the big screen, admitting he never really died but instead got lost in the mall for five years. Tired of listening to "Goosebumps" on audio-book, Ray opts to undergo a procedure to install digital cornea implants so he can read them on his own. But when the surgeon turns out to be an Al Qaeda operative, Ray finds his only chance of survival is through his gift of song. Rated PG-13 for an extended musical montage of heroin use.

A Country For Old Men: Florida Secedes
As America becomes too loud what with the iCars and confounded HCTV transversion doocritters, the Federalists south of Kissimmee sell what's left in the cotton exchange and announce the formation of the Goodly Christian Nation Of Industrial Regression For The Having Of Restful Porches And Bountiful Taffy. Things go sour in the GCNOIRFTHORPABT when they find their senior discounts no longer work at Dennys when there aren't young people around.

Frost/Snowman
Fifty-five years after his network television debut, Frosty the Snowman returns in this intimate documentary, delivering a dire warning against global climate change. "Trapped greenhouse gas can take my coal eyes and button nose, but it'll never tame my spirit." Shot in a meat locker, the film features appearances by Al Gore, Santa Claus, and Gene Autry's suspended corpse animated by a puppeteer.

Titanic 2: The Human Skeleton As An Aquatic Habitat
Any dummy familiar with the hemolization of blood and the microbial lure of seeping abdominal gasses just knew that Jack was soon to be a Sunday buffet for calliphoridae, trogidae, and then sphaeroceridae. But what happens when the gradual depletion of flesh nutrients leaves Jack a vacant exoskeletal hovel? Move in day! Damon Wayans and Gilbert Gottfried have an osteoblast starring as two far-from-home anemones on a journey to find a commodious domicile for hermaphroditic reproduction!

Dreamworks Presents: A Crapload of Animals Voiced by Whoopi Goldberg
What do you get when you put a roller-skating giraffe, a ping pong playing octopus, and a cocker spaniel with a speech impediment in the same room? A par-tay! Whoopi Goldberg stars as seven different animals assuming the following archetypal roles: The Urban One, The Surprisingly Level-Headed Female, The Mysterious One With A Spanish Accent, The One Who Farts In Suspenseful Silences, The Villain Whose Temper/Greed Will Be His Downfall, The Villain's Brainless Henchman, and The Annoying One. Buy the lunchbox now before it goes on clearance at Target in the fall.

Fun out of the sun.

The stinging's how you know it's working.