Walter is seventeen years old, in a suit, and driving fast. The only thing sitting shotgun is a bouquet of roses he just picked up. His thoughts are energizing him...

Tonight is the night I prove everybody wrong. Little Walter Wivlak's all grown up.

"Hey Walter," they yelled, "What's the matter homo, can't get a date to the prom?"HA! Time to prove you wrong Mr. Parsons. Mr. World's meanest math teacher ever!

I worked my ass off for this night... raising money the old fashioned way -- playing World of Warcraft until I earned a Stealhawk Crossbow then selling that for $600 on a fantasy message board. Spent that money on a Russian lesbian mail-order prom-date/wife.

I even spent $140 of MY OWN MOM'S MONEY buying her a blue lace bikini/skirt get up so that she can attract maximum attention to her hot bod and ultimately me.

When she asked for another $280 to bring her sister over to the states, I thought she was just taking advantage of me. But after a few written guarantees that it was indeed her sister and not just her lesbian girlfriend, and a quick eBay sale (Good bye bed!) things were as right as rain again. Hell I'll sleep on the floor for the rest of my life to have this girl all to myself for just one night.

Just one night...

Walter arrives, grabs the flowers and starts running.

Well, it's finally here. The Women's Tourney! Does Illinois State have what it takes to upset Oklahoma? Can Robert Morris take down Rutgers? Does Woomen's hoops have an NIT?

Nobody knows yet! That's what makes March so fun. To get your sports fix you can always check out the CollegeHumor Sports Channel! I'll be updating it daily with funny links, videos and pics from the world of college hoops... and who knows... maybe we'll even find some cool stuff about the men's tournament!

Just to show you we're all in this together, here's a video of Jake and I filling out our brackets yesterday.

Why do I let myself daydream? In my head, my life is adventurous: I am a dashing prince upon a majestic horse, with a much deeper voice, striving valiantly to save the damsel. And I also don't have to pluck my eyebrows.

But in reality, when I try to make my dreams come true, things go differently. I'll show you what I mean. Here's a scene from the inside of my head:

Paul is waiting in line for a burrito, and a beautiful girl gets in line behind him. Paul turns around to talk to her.

Paul: Can you believe this line?

Girl: I know, seriously. It's like, I have places to be, please.

Paul: Ha, me too. Maybe they'll open a new line for people who are busy.

Girl: (winking slightly) Yeah, but then you'd still be in front of me, and I'd still be late.

Paul: Well, I'd think about letting you go in front of me.

Girl: Oh you would, would you?

Paul: (smiling coyly) Maybe. If you were good.

Girl: (getting closer) And what would I need to do to be... good? (strong sexual voice on 'good')

Paul: Well you could start with giving me your phone number.

Girl: (taking a small piece of paper from her cleavage, and a pen from Paul's pocket) Okay. (writes down the number, and stuffs it down the front of pants) But this better be just the start...

And so on and so forth. But here's what actually takes place when I try to make that happen.

1.) The Self-Motivator - Often seen in a pool of his own sweat, this person feels the need to verbally express his motivation or lack thereof, regardless of how loud or distracting it may be. Key phrases include "just one more" and "almost there." No matter how ridiculous or loud he is, he feels no one can hear him and continues to try to work off the hamburgers from lunch.

---

---

Some wounds never heal... what is 'some wounds never heal.'?

We hired a new illustrator intern and he's great. He even found time to work on a few pet projects for a couple staff members.

Here's one Streeter wanted.

Three months ago, the Writers Guild of America went on strike. They were concerned about the unfair compensation that writers receive for new media projects. The controversial strike, supported by other guilds such as the Screen Actors Guild, is necessary to force the producers to discuss the rights due to the writers.

But the writers forgot their secret weapon: A little tv show called Lost.

At 8pm on Thursday night, producers in New York and L.A. sat in front of their televisions.

And, if you turned down your volume and listened very closely, you could hear the soft weeping of the producers, wrecked with guilt, as they watched the finest specimen of a tv show ever created.

You can bet your ass they're going to resolve this strike now! There's no way we could live without our full 16 episodes this year.

Here's what went down this week, in a Hugo cannonball:

THE YEAR: 2019. Dale is playing Virtual Boy 6 when Chris rolls through the door.

Chris: Hey bro! Sorry about this. There were so many PT Cruisers outside I couldn't find a place to park my Segway.

Chris plops down on the couch and begins channel surfing.

Chris: Yo, toss me a Zima!

Dale: All out, bro. I've got New Coke, Coke II, and Crystal Pepsi.

Chris: Hey, the XFL playoffs are on. The Chicago Enforcers are playing the Orlando Rage.

News Anchor: We interrupt this broadcast of the XFL to bring you a tragic message: President Howard Dean has succumbed to the Asian Bird Flu.

Chris: (changing the channel) I hate how they schedule "Joey" at the same time as "Studio 60." They're both so f*cking good.

Dale: Really? I feel like "Joey" went downhill after the thirteenth season.

Me: So what do you think about the Super Bowl this weekend? Think the Pats'll blow 'em out?
Indie Sports Fan: Psh, who even cares about the Super Bowl? The whole thing is just a ploy by the big sports companies to sell advertising. It's not even about the game anymore, it's all about money.
Me: Yeah, I know man, it's all just a big hype machine now, I've gotten pretty sick of hearing about the Patriots every single day all season.
ISF: Tell me about it, I used to like the Patriots back in the early 90s, when they had guys like Andre Tippett and Sam Gash, you know, back before they started selling out. That was their best stuff.
Me: You mean before they started winning?
ISF: I guess if you wanna define sports in terms of wins and losses... but it's about more than that for me, just because a team has a lot of good players and wins a lot of games doesn't make them good.
Me: So who do you like?

The size of your headphones
Likelihood you use the 'rating' feature on iTunes
Pending RIAA lawsuits
Likelihood you know that song that's like BaaaaBOP baaaa baba badadummmm
Probability that Spice Girls album is "just a joke"
CDs bought in the last five years
Number of tracks on your Zune

Simply roll your mouse over the text to reveal its true meaning!

Hey everyone, finals are here and just to keep you fresh I have created a few brain teasers to keep your mind fresh. The first one is just an example:

Answer: Read between the lines

1.)