CollegeHumor: User 1159530's Articles http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794714 Marissa Nystrom, will you marry me? Please? Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794714 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-20 13:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 25 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792476 A brief history of title-character abandonment Sun, 04 Oct 2009 23:42:39 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792476 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
2009: Jon Gosselin leaves his reality show, spawning two new shows: "Kate Plus Eight" and "Divorced Dads Club"


2007: Executives cancel "Hogan Knows Best" when no one notices that Joe Rogan occasionally stands in for Terry Bollea, even in title animation, during the tumultuous Hogan divorce


1999: During post-production, John Malkovich demands his name and likeness be edited out of "Being John Malkovich"


1997: After billing herself as the "Ultimate Truth Machine," Judith Sheindlin mysteriously disappears and is replaced by the honorable Jurybot Overlord of Democratic Instruction


1988: Mario breaks contract by refusing to participate in the sequel to his 1985 hit, citing addiction to hallucinogenic herbs


1972: Bob Newhart launches his namesake sitcom after replacing the deadpan potato featured in the pilot, to critical indifference

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790204 Other photos ruined by the inquisitive squirrel Fri, 21 Aug 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790204 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-21 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 60 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789541 I just got bit by The Love Blog... Tue, 11 Aug 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789541 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> ...and it's driving me mad! Your girl may be getting a heaping dose of crazy from the women's advice blogosphere, but The Love Blog will mock dumb advice and bad examples to the bitter end. This week's topic:

Communication Tech

Relationship advice sites go nuts for social technology, whether it's the new iPhone app that rates your sexual performance or a social medium. A site or device is periodically evaluated and translated into easy-to-read ins and outs, dos and don'ts, and other polarities that lend well to Top Ten lists.

The two chumps with the same name who got married because of Facebook are the big story lately. The girl made the first move, which is always a turn-on, but she did it by searching her own name and messaging the first guy that came up. Which is a lot like playing spin the bottle at a family reunion.

Nobody's appalled quite yet at Skype dating, a laughably paradoxical type of blind- or speed-dating. But people are starting to talk about the pitfalls of the EPersona: at worst, your Skype date could be furiously masturbating just out of view; at the least, e-mails can make you sound too smart because you have time to consult a thesaurus.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-11 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 5 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789312 Equally uncomfortable diplomatic meetings Thu, 06 Aug 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789312 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Former President Bill Clinton meets with Kim Jong Il to secure the safe return of American reporters Euna Lee and Laura Ling.

Mario meets with King Bowser Koopa to arrange for the release of Princess Peach.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-06 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 345 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789189 The outcast works up the nerve to talk to the popular kid Mon, 17 Aug 2009 12:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789189 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Jane: Thanks for meeting me here.

Zac: Whoa. How long have you been waiting outside the locker room?

Jane: Never mind that. I know this sounds crazy-you don't even know me! But...I have feelings for you, Zac.

Zac: (sigh) Jane, there's only like 70 people in our class. And you did this in English freshman year.

Jane: You...remember my poem?

Zac: The Avril Lavigne lyrics you put my name in and read to the class?

Jane: Uh huh!

Zac: I remember. So does my girlfriend.

Jane: Oh, her. Zac, you're just the flavor of the week.

Zac: We've been dating since middle school.

Jane: Ugh, but she's cheer captain!

Zac: She fought scoliosis and asthma to get a full ride for gymnastics.

Jane: ...and I'm on the bleachers...
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-17 12:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 31 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788735 I just got bit by the Love Blog... Tue, 28 Jul 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788735 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> ...and it's driving me mad! Is your girl acting strange this week? Well it's probably your fault. If not, she may have gotten a heaping dose of crazy from one of these gems in the women's advice blogosphere:

Why did my main squeeze get mad at me-for already being mad at me? The floor is yours, Dr. Ian Kerner:"The ratio of positive to negative interactions during arguments should ideally be 5 to 1" in a successful relationship. Thanks doc, now when she makes two bitchy assumptions, she gets a third one free.

Breaking news! "For many women, sexual desire follows intercourse, rather than precedes it." I wouldn't call that science, but at least the classic "we're as horny as you" line of propaganda is effectively refuted.

Even in the face of "scientific" evidence, Oprah.com tries to fight the good "horny-as-you" fight. Higher quality porn is a result of more female viewers? More women than men buy Hustler videos? Congrats, you just proved that women are indeed pickier AND can't get off to free 20-second clips. Put one in the Win column for us guys!...and the Loss column, while you're at it.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-28 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 7 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787493 The making of Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1787493 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>


Red: Green,we have to talk. I think I'm...strawberried.

Green: But, I don't understand. You're chocolate.

R: I know I'm chocolate, I've just been having all these feelings. These...sweet, fruity feelings.

G: It's just a promotion, Red. It's confusing, I know-remember when you went dark chocolate for Star Wars? It'll pass.

R: This isn't like dark chocolate. Don't you see? I've never been meant for chocolate.

G: What's really wrong here...am I not good enough for you? Sure I could lose a little milkfat, but I've been using propyl gallate to maintain freshness!

R: It's not you sweetheart, it's just who I am. And it took Yipes to show me that.

G: The Fruit Stripe zebra? How could you! And after I let you melt in my-
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-09 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 14 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774312 The Evening News from the closet under the stairs Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774312 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-22 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 22 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773165 If I acted like my computer did on the first day of work Fri, 03 Apr 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773165 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>


Boss: Jesse!

Me: Sorry boss, fell asleep.

Boss: I got up to get coffee, that's an absurd amount of time to fall asleep in. Did you get my mail yet?

Me: Yea boss, got it in .2 seconds!

Boss: I asked for this 20 minutes ago.

Me: That's improbable.

Boss: It happened. This is all my mail?

Me: Results 1-5. Here, give me those back and I'll show you the next 5.

Boss: I'd like to just look at them all at the same time. And please stop playing with that hourglass.

Me: Sorry.

Boss: Also, I see you didn't print the memo I asked you to.

Me: Yea about that...Are you sure you want to print it?

Boss: Wholly and completely.

Me: Okay it's just that...you didn't use real words. Look at this one.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-03 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 498 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1764737 A Conversation With My Cell Phone Wed, 12 Nov 2008 16:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1764737 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

ME: Hey dude what time is it?
...dude!  Time?

CELL: *BING!*Oh hey it's 11:58.

ME: Sorry you're a little dim, what was that?

CELL: I said it's 11:58!  Leave me alone I'm tired, man!

ME: Take it easy, all I said was you're a little dim-

CELL: Well maybe I wouldn't be if SOMEONE didn't forget to plug me in last night!

ME: I already apologized for that.  You know, you used to be able to go, like, three days without charging.  Now you can't make it 24 hours?  You've changed, dude.

CELL: *BING!*YOU'RE the one who always leaves me plugged in for more than the recommended three hours!  YOU'RE the enabler!
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-11-12 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 244 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760517 Buy Fair Trade Wed, 13 Aug 2008 09:24:46 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760517 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
It feels good to buy fair trade. Makes ya feel like you're doing a good deed...acting globally, ya know?


Heck I think this coffee even tastes bettOHMYGOD IS THAT A HUMAN FINGER
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 5 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755908 Old People Quarterly Mon, 26 May 2008 22:36:17 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755908 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1747101 Push Button... Sat, 22 Dec 2007 16:49:41 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1747101 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>










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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 19 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />