Don't worry, it's only as painful as it looks.
The Fuhrer faces the Third Reich's worst sports news since Jesse Owens.
This March everyone will witness, "The Rise of The Phoenix."
Obama's bringing S.E.X.Y. (Social-Security Exchange Yieldings) back.
I dare you to find a more pimp blanket that isn't made of gold or Courvoisier.
On the bright side, he's probably never going to breed.