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Things look a little different when you're drunk...

Disclaimer: Tweets are chronologically backwards for the sake of readability

*Special thanks to Sara P. for submitting these*

I have a younger friend who dates a Psychology TA at her school, and she sent me this amazing exchange he had with a student last semester. 

One time my friend and I were talking, and he decides to just blurt out to the girl sitting across from us in class that I liked her. I had no time to reply to this before the girl looked me in the eyes, with a completely straight face, and said "Ew" and continued working on her assignment.
-Anonymous

During 6th grade year I asked some girl if we could go out during the last period of school, she said yes. After the period ended and I was on my way to my school bus her friend came up to me and told me that she had broken up with me. I cried the entire bus ride home.
-Ewout, Kegweed Community College

I was dating this girl from Long Island and she was telling me how it should be separate from upstate New York. She went on to say, "Yeah, Long Island should be the 52nd state." I looked at her with a face of disappointment and asked her, "Wait, what is the 51st state?" She looked at me confused and said, "Please tell me you are kidding, you can't be that dumb."
-Steve

I had to have jaw surgery when I was 21, so I had braces at 22. When I asked a girl in my short story class out, she asked me how old I was.
-Matt

Anakin: All I'm saying is that if we were allowed to marry women, Yoda would stop making awkward passes at us.

Obi-Wan: Can't argue with you there.

Anakin: And another thing-

Obi-Wan: Whoa, whoa. Is that a new saber in your holster?

Anakin: ...What? Haha, no way man. Same old one I've always had.

Obi-Wan: Nope. The handle's totally different. Let me see! Let me see!

*Anakin resists, but Obi-Wan wrestles it away from him.*

Obi-Wan: This looks so badass. How do you turn it on?

If you have ever had a facebook account you can relate to why I beleive this decoder must exist. Lets set the situation: Its that time of the day, you have just finished chugging your morning coffee in the ol' cubicle because your cubicle neighbor Charles bet you that you couldn't do it, and of course, you can, but not without facing the consequences. Yes, the consequences, so you are now on your way to make possibly the largest bowel movement of your life and decide "This might take a while, time to bring along some reading material"

So you grab your iPhone and log onto facebook to browse your buddies status reports. [why not right?]

As you browse your friends status reports you start noticing a trend. A trend of rediculous status reports stating things as simple as "Why me?" and "Everything happens for a reason..." And a few things come into your mind

Things look a little different when you're in college...

A detailed breakdown of your average college quadrangle.

Attendance
Chance that you're a communications major
Attractive members of the opposite sex
Attractive members of the opposite sex spoken to
Ability to fart in class without being blamed for it
Chance this is the "professor that rides in on a motorcycle at some point during the year"
Time spent napping
Chance you're enrolled in the Galactic College of Quarblezox

Roll over the images to see what cereal boxes should really be saying...

______________________________________________________________________________

Ah, September, it comes swiftly and kicks you in the ass. School is starting yet here you are, still in summer mode. Suck it up you pussy! It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia starts this month. And here is a drinking game to cushion the blow.
Don't go with shots on this one, remember Sport, it's a marathon.

-Drink everytime somebody uses the following phrases

--"throwing down life lessons"

--"what's up, bitches?"

--"pop that shirt off"

--"you want 'x' to pop" (ie "you want your muscles to pop," "this will make your eyes pop")


-Drink anytime the Gang mocks one another with a display of fake crying.

-Drink anytime someone in the Gang points something out as racist.

-Drink anytime someone is drinking on the show. 2x drink if it's a member of the gang.

-Drink anytime Dee is referred to as "Sweet Dee" by one of the Gang.

-Drink for any demeaning reference to Sweet Dee as old, ugly, untalented, or any combination thereof.

A middle-aged man stares intently at a computer screen, furiously clicking.

Worried Wife:  My husband didn't used to be this way...he'd just check Facebook a couple of times a day like a normal person. Then, he started logging in a dozen times a day. I didn't know why, until he walked away to go to the bathroom and he left his profile up - he had been on Farmville all this time. I couldn't believe that he was putting this stupid virtual farm before his family!

Psychologist: Farmville is a very dangerous, addicting game. One day, you're planting a few plots of wheat, maybe milking a cow or two - the next, you're expanding your farm, buying tractors, and harvesting 24/7. I'm hoping it's not too late to save your husband. But you have to be careful when approaching him - the game may leave him very moody and slightly trembling.

Psychologist enters the house. Man on computer looks up for a split second, then goes back to harvesting strawberries.

Psychologist: Sir, could you step away from the computer for a minute? Your family wants to talk to you.