Abraham Lincoln: ...And by virtue of the power, and for the purpose aforesaid, I do order and declare that all persons held as slaves within said designated States, and parts of States, are, and henceforward shall be free; and that the Executive government of the United States, including the military and naval authorities thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of said persons. And I hereby enjoin--
Bill Clinton: Hey, Abe
Abraham Lincoln: Oh hi, Bill.
Bill Clinton: What are you doing?
Abraham Lincoln: I'm just proclaiming emancipation, but nobody's actually freeing their slaves.
Bill Clinton: Oh, don't worry. I got this.
Abraham Lincoln: But--
by Susanna Wolff March 26, 2009
1892 - Inventor Adam Abbot bursts into the office he shares with his fellow inventors.
Adam: I've done it, Gentlemen! I've created a new, comfortable type of footwear!
Steve: Oh?
Adam: Yes. You see, the walls of the shoe are composed of stiffened cotton and the soles are made of formed rubber. They are light, flexible and great for athletics.
Steve: Athletics?
Adam: Yes, it's a new word. It describes physical activities such as bi-cycling or fast-walking.
Martin: Well, why didn't you just say fast-walking, man?!
Adam: My apologies. Now, gentlemen, what shall we call this new type of footwear?
Martin: Perhaps 'rubber soled footwearers'?
Adam: Good, good. But I think we can do better. Steve? Anything?
Steve: Perhaps, 'Adam Abbot's Fashionable Atletikes Shoes for Upstanding Men of Position'?
Adam: Did you mean, "Athletics?"
Steve: Yes, whatever that newfangled word is.
Adam: Perhaps...
Casey WAS an Editern! Now she scrounges for money outside Starbuckses.
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