CollegeHumor: Stuff Casey Johnston Likes http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790031 Don Draper Invents the Pop-Up Ad Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790031 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Don: When a man visits a website, he's looking for something more than code and images. He's looking for...himself. He's looking for something that makes him special. But a man is nothing if he feels lost in the vastness and anonymity of the internet.

Campbell: Where are you going with this, Draper?

Don: What if the ad existed on it's own separate window? A window that would just "pop-up," as if out of thin air? Like a lightbulb flashing above your head - here it is. It's the answer to the question you didn't even know you were asking.

Campbell: But why wouldn't he just minimize or close the window? What's so special about it?

Don: It's not the window that's special, Campbell. It's the man who clicks it. In fact, the window isn't a window at all. It's a mirror. It's a reflection of the man's specialness...his soul. It tells him that he's the one millionth visitor, and he's won a free iPod Shuffle.

Campbell: That's preposterous!

Don: Even if he isn't actually the one millionth visitor, he's still one in a million. He's unique, he's special. That's why the ad popped up. Because of him. The pop-up ad is just for him, no one else. That's why he clicked it.

Campbell: But we can't just give away millions of iPod Shuffles!
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/8/collegehumor.6eb639fd06721655a3e45cf8154fb0a4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-24 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1549923">Andrew B.</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 45 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789746 Epic Amazon Review Threads Wed, 12 Aug 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789746 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> solitary figures of wit, but this need not be the case anymore. Let us join the lone warriors and together we can howl into the gleaming light of the Internet.

How to Write an Epic Amazon Review
1. Find a weird product. How do you know if a product is weird, you ask? There are a few ways to tell: a. It is outlandishly expensive. b. It is disgusting. c. It is exceptionally tacky. Or, the more subtle d. It's got the WTF tag.

2. Once you've discovered your perfect item, there are two things that could happen: a. It has not already been reviewed. In which case it is your job, nay, your duty to write a review that will launch an Epic Amazon Review Thread. Or, b. Someone has already started an EART and you must continue it.

When starting an EART, you have a few stylistic options at your disposal:
(Click the images to visit the Amazon pages and read the rest of the reviews)
The Jonathan Swift
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-12 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 164 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789303 Bill Clinton to the Rescue Thu, 06 Aug 2009 13:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789303 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Moses: Let my people go.
Pharaoh: No.
Moses: If you don't, you will have to face the wrath of G--
Bill Clinton: Hey, hey! Moses, Pharaoh, listen; I think we can work this out.
Moses: We can?
Pharaoh: You're right! Bill, you're so right. I'll let the Isrealites go.
Moses: That's great! I mean, I had this whole thing about turning a stick into a snake and some plagues, but I guess I don't need that. Thanks, Bill!
Bill Clinton: Anytime, guys.

----------

Abraham Lincoln: ...And by virtue of the power, and for the purpose aforesaid, I do order and declare that all persons held as slaves within said designated States, and parts of States, are, and henceforward shall be free; and that the Executive government of the United States, including the military and naval authorities thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of said persons. And I hereby enjoin--
Bill Clinton: Hey, Abe
Abraham Lincoln: Oh hi, Bill.
Bill Clinton: What are you doing?
Abraham Lincoln: I'm just proclaiming emancipation, but nobody's actually freeing their slaves.
Bill Clinton: Oh, don't worry. I got this.
Abraham Lincoln: But--

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-06 13:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 49 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1777409 Pop-Up Ad Convention Mon, 15 Jun 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1777409 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Her turn-ons include guys who look at Internet porn.
Organizer: Settle down people, we're about to begin the ceremony for the 10,000th Visitor Awards.

Mustachioed Game Guy: But the winner isn't here yet!

Organizer: That's impossible. How's he going to claim his free iPod Nano?

Mustachioed Game Guy: He isn't. The guy's nuts. The other day I tried to give him a thousand bucks for winning the "Throw the Banana at the Monkey" game, and all he did was exit out of it.

Organizer: But...but...we put so much money into this! Guess Man's even got his "Celebrity Abs Guessing Game" booth set-up.

Guess Man: If he's not coming, I might as well just tell you guys. It was Eminem, not Abraham Lincoln.

The Protector: I doubt he even got the invite. I gave his computer a complimentary virus scan the other day while he was on some seedy website. Full of malware.

Credit Report: And let's not forget his dangerously low credit score!

Penis Enlarger: AND his dangerously small penis...
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/a/collegehumor.3fc86fae9d1470ed6013e7fafc3e1807.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-06-15 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824">Brian Murphy</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 400 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1914196 "I'm On A Boat" A Capella Thu, 11 Jun 2009 10:12:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1914196 "I'm On A Boat" A Capella nonadult comedy That was awesome, but I still think I'm gonna join the debate team instead. a capella, music video, music, i'm on a boat, saturday night live, television <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1914196"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/4/collegehumor.2338dc3ef31951fd21b104c41a4d1c46.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 497 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776668 5 Facts About Women Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776668 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> 1. They can't make sound effects with their mouths.
Why, according to her: What are you talking about? She so can make sound effects. Guns go "pew pew." Explosions go "schploom." Dead on.
Why, according to reality: Because girls can't hear what they sound like. That's also why they think those shrill exclamations they make in bars are adorable and that those derogatory remarks they make in public about your eating habits are quiet.

2. After the end of a long-term relationship, they get an unflattering haircut.
Why, according to her: Because it will signify independence and is just so much more practical and she's always wanted to do it, so why not now, right?
Why, according to reality: Because her heinous new 'do will give her something else to regret besides the 2 years and 64 compromising pictures she allowed whatshisname to have.

3. They think they look cute in baseball shirts.
Why, according to her: That thing? Oh, no, that is just her gross shirt. Why? Do you like it?
Why, according to reality: She thinks it gives her an I-just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-threw-this-on-and-transformed-into-the-girl-next-door-you-want-to-marry-and-play-videogames-with-for-the-rest-of-your-life look. She doesn't realize it just gives her mannish shoulders.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-06-04 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 238 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> <![CDATA[We hired this lady to redesign Collegehumor, it's gonna be sick]]> http://www.collegehumor.com/hotlink:214839 Fri, 08 May 2009 08:00:05 -0400 <![CDATA[These Star Wars posters ALMOST make me forgive the new trilogy]]> http://www.collegehumor.com/hotlink:214841 Fri, 08 May 2009 08:00:04 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1910507 All Nighter '09: Philip Seymour Hoffman Fri, 08 May 2009 03:08:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1910507 All Nighter '09: Philip Seymour Hoffman nonadult comedy If you enjoyed Doubt, Mission Impossible 3, or any Paul Thomas Anderson movie have we got the Hardly Working for you. Featuring Pete Holmes. all nighter 2009, ch originals, hardlyworking, Philip Seymour Hoffman, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1910507"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/3/collegehumor.7a970422f2df0104257861234ed2df4b.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1319 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775228 The History Channel's Hot New Summer Lineup Thu, 07 May 2009 12:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775228 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1649207"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/7/collegehumor.60940458f47107dcb2f8e7f7d5b388ae.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-05-07 12:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1649207">Caldwell Tanner</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 242 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775014 These 10 Video Games Should Have Been Called... Fri, 01 May 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775014 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>



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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/7/collegehumor.34fb0a748e9767bd8891bea7cfb6f87d.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-05-01 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873">Jason Michaels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1146"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 665 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774807 Political Cartoon Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774807 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Art by Caldwell Tanner
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:378"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/f/collegehumor.6889cdab73527f622680f44f9ce5f2ff.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-30 12:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:378">Sam Reich</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:32"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 172 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774811 The News if Board Games Were Real Mon, 27 Apr 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774811 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/7/collegehumor.34fb0a748e9767bd8891bea7cfb6f87d.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-27 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873">Jason Michaels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1146"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 419 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1909234 Hardly Working: Yawn of the Dead Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:20:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1909234 Hardly Working: Yawn of the Dead nonadult comedy Take a nap before it's too late. CH originals, zombie, hardly working, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1909234"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/a/collegehumor.3cba40ef1484b3241713082acc63556b.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1535 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774613 The Only Movies You Watch in Foreign Language Classes Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774613 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> French
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-23 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 290 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1908740 Jamie Hyneman Is A Douchebag Thu, 23 Apr 2009 12:26:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1908740 Jamie Hyneman Is A Douchebag nonadult comedy Unless those pens are filled with explosives, this guy's a d*ck. mythbusters, television, douchebags, work, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1908740"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/4/collegehumor.2bbd3f539752ada19c4e58741988f9ca.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 768 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774404 Stoner-Vision II Mon, 20 Apr 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774404 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Sober   :::   Stoned


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-20 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 620 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1906619 Legalize Shrooms Mon, 20 Apr 2009 11:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1906619 Legalize Shrooms nonadult comedy In honor of 4/20, a PSA for anyone who's ever gone into a forest and seen God. CH Originals, marijuana, pot, shrooms, drugs, PSA ch sketches <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1906619"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/a/collegehumor.61132d1d97079366f7a6a10ae1686aaa.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1609 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1907963 Cat Disappointed by Own Failure Fri, 17 Apr 2009 12:02:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1907963 Cat Disappointed by Own Failure nonadult comedy It's all been downhill since he dropped out of cat high school. Cat, Disappointed, Failure, Bird, Pigeon, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1907963"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/3/collegehumor.7e086c9a6a859a9127d27ba3a3a1d681.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 532 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773165 If I acted like my computer did on the first day of work Fri, 03 Apr 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773165 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>


Boss: Jesse!

Me: Sorry boss, fell asleep.

Boss: I got up to get coffee, that's an absurd amount of time to fall asleep in. Did you get my mail yet?

Me: Yea boss, got it in .2 seconds!

Boss: I asked for this 20 minutes ago.

Me: That's improbable.

Boss: It happened. This is all my mail?

Me: Results 1-5. Here, give me those back and I'll show you the next 5.

Boss: I'd like to just look at them all at the same time. And please stop playing with that hourglass.

Me: Sorry.

Boss: Also, I see you didn't print the memo I asked you to.

Me: Yea about that...Are you sure you want to print it?

Boss: Wholly and completely.

Me: Okay it's just that...you didn't use real words. Look at this one.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-03 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 498 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />