FunBox Comedy's Articles

"Well Ma, what do you say to a nice drive in the country?"

"I don't feel much like it Pa."

"Aw come on Ma, it's a beautiful day. The sun is sunning and there t'aint a cloud in the whole gosh gum sky."

"It is nice out Pa. But I just don't think I can... not after what happened."

"I told you Ma. That was a mistake. We all make mistakes. Why just last week you put three sugars in my coffee instead of two. I forgave you.

"That's not the same thing as killing a man Pa."

"Now Ma, we don't know that he's dead. He was still movingwhen we left. It was his own fault really if you think about it some. Standing so close to the road. It was a wonder that he hadn't been hit by ten or so cars by then."

"I can still see his face. It haunts me."

"We probably did him a favor. Why no man out in the country alone like that could be up to any good. Why I'm sure if we hadn't hit him, he would have asked to. When you think about it like that, it's practically neighborly. Plus, if you picture the whole thing with a funny jig playing, and a slide whistle sliding, I'll bet you won't be able to stop yourself from smiling."

"I still think we should tell someone Pa. What if he had a family. I bet they're mighty worried."

"Now why would you say something like that Ma. There's no reason to go and start talking crazy like."

"What are you doing with that wrench Pa?"

"You're not making any sense Ma. You need to calm down some. Let Pa make things all better."

"Pa. Please Pa. No! I won't tell. I won't tell Pa. Please."

"You'll be a good girl Ma?"

"I'll be good. Please. I'll be good."

"All right Ma, forget about the country. What do you say to getting a big scoop of ice cream down at the drug store?"

Gentle Sobs

DAYTONA BEACH, FL-- Despite rising fuel costs, and concerns surrounding fossil fuel shortages, NASCAR assured fans this week, that the organization will continue depleting international fuel reserves. "With the world's resources becoming more and more and scarce, we think it's important to use them as quickly as possible before they go away," said NASCAR spokesman Jim Hunter. "A lot of American troops are our fans. We owe it to them to quickly burn what they're fighting for."

Sergeant, Tom Degrassi, is among the thankful fans. "I've lost several men in firefights, and each time I've wondered: will the heavy, heavy mortal price we've paid taking these strategic locations ultimately keep secure enough resources for New Zealander Scott Dixon to win the Indianapolis 500? Fortunately, this year, the answer was yes."

In hopes of continuing its trend of consuming precious commodities, NASCAR is  looking at ways for its vehicles to also evaporate drinking water. "We feel the next big wars will be fought over potable resources, and they'll be another great way for fans to participate," Hunter said. "We're the only sport that really gives supporters something to fight for."

Talk about generous tippers! When Steve Schanwald, the Chicago Bulls' executive vice president of business operations who represented the team at the 2008 NBA DraftLottery, scored the first overall pick to this year's entry draft, so did Debra Rabbing a Secaucus, New Jersey waitress who sold him eggs that morning.

"When he came in for breakfast, he was pretty down," said Rabbing. "I told him his Bulls still had a 1.7% chance at winning and maybe he should just be more hopeful. Then he rolled his eyes, and mumbled something about giving me the pick if he won because he didn't have cash for a tip. When I found out I won I was so excited I called him immediately!"

Schanwald seemed less enthusiastic. "I made a joke. What the fuck? What the fuck is she going to do with a basketball draft pick?"

Rabbing says she's carefully considering her selection and has narrowed the field to either Kansas State Forward Michael Beasley, or Derrick Rose, a point guard from Memphis. "As a single mother, I think either one of them would be very helpful with my kids and around the house. They're both fine young men."

The well of new and fresh ideas has dried up long ago, or at least it has if you are a film producer. With more and more small screen classics making the jump to the big screen (Sex in the City, Fraggle Rock, Speed Racer, The A-Team) Funbox would like to present its contribution to this trend -

Daniel Tanner had it all; A loving wife, three beautiful daughters, and he was about to crack the biggest scandal of his reporting career. But exposing the truth comes with a price, and now the mayor and the Triad gangsters who fund his corruption are out to take Daniel and his family down before his story can see the light of day. When Daniel comes home to find his wife murdered and his three daughters kidnapped, the cops turn a blind eye and Daniel has no choice but to turn to his drug addled wannabe rock star brother-in-law Jesse for help. Meanwhile, the three Tanner girls, D.J., Stephanie, and Michelle, desperately try to escape the Triads with the help of the hilarious taxi driver, "Uncle Joey" who finds himself caught up in the middle of a harrowing adventure that none of them will ever forget.

Iron Man

Plot:While in captivity, industrialist Tony Stark (Downey) creates a high-tech suit of armor which he first uses to fight his way to freedom, and then to prevent a dark-minded scientific genius from carrying out his nefarious plot against humankind.

Meaning: The armor represents man's desire to keep a distance from his fellow man, while Robert Downey Jr. represents man's desire for men.




Made of Honor


Plot: Tom (Dempsey) is a consummate ladies' man. Hannah (Monaghan) is his best friend and the one constant in his life. But when Hannah leaves town for a six-week business trip, allowing Tom to realize his love forher runs deeper than he ever knew, how does he deal with conveying his feelings -- especially when she returns with an engagement ring on her finger, and a request for him to be in her wedding?

Meaning: With the modern world's gender roles continuing to blur as we progress in this technological age, this film address the brand new issue of can men and woman just be friends? In the end, they prove that men and women must bone if they want to talk to each other.




What Happens in Vegas...

Plot: Joy (Diaz) and Jack (Kutcher) meet while on a Las Vegas bender, where their drunken nuptials are only part of a larger problem:What to do when Jack wins $3 million with Joy's quarter, and they are forced to spend six months as wife and husband if they are to see a penny of their winnings.

Meaning: Greed should never supplant the needs of the ones emotional self. Material goods can not provide the happiness that forced marriage can.






The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Plot: The Pevensie children return to Narnia one year after their first adventure in the magical land. Soon after entering the kingdom, however, they learn that 1,000 years has passed here, and all is not well since an evil king ascended to the throne. The children and allies both, old and new, band together to help restore the kingdom to its rightful heir, Prince Caspian (Barnes).

Meaning: Imagination and the willingness to hope are often seen as childish, but it is these qualities that allow children to overcome diverse obsticales. As adults we too could do with a dose of optimism in the face of adversity. Also, Jesus is a lion.




Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull


Plot: Famed archaeologist/adventurer Dr. Henry "Indiana" Jones (Ford) is called back into action to stop a Soviet plot to uncover and use ancient artifacts in order to take over the world.

Meaning: Hiding the past away will not help us have a secure future. We must uncoverour own personal "relics" and gain control over what curses they might have imposed upon our lives. Only then will we have the strength to punch our own personal "Soviet Spies" in the face.






Sex and the City


Plot: Set four years after we last saw the ladies, Carrie (Parker), Samantha (Cattrall), Miranda (Nixon), and Charlotte (Davis) negotiate their friendships, romances, and careers in New York City. At the center of it all is Carrie's pending nuptials to Mr. Big (Noth).

Meaning: Ask your girlfriend. She'll explain it to you.




The Incredible Hulk

Plot: Geneticist Bruce Banner (Norton) takes flight in order to understand -- and hopefully cure -- that the condition that turns him into a monster. Complicating his situation is the military initiative that wants him captured and controlled, as well as the arrival of a more-deadly nemesis: The Abomination.

Meaning: Life deserves second chances. Sure something may have caused you pain in the past, but that's no reason not to try again. I mean, it might be good this time. Right?




The Love Guru


Plot: Pitka (Meyers) an American raised outside of his country by gurus, returns to the States in order to break into the self-help business. His first challenge: To settle the romantic troubles and subsequent professional skid of a star hockey player (Malco) whose wife left himfor a rival lover (Timberlake) before the NHL Stanley Cup.

Meaning: The same meaning as Austin Powers.




The Dark Knight

Plot: The Caped Crusader (Bale) teams ups with Gotham's Lieutenant Jim Gordon (Oldman) and District Attorney Harvey Dent (Eckhart) to take on the city's newest villain -- The Joker (Ledger).

Meaning: Escalations of conflict only causes more conflict. The only true way to end a fight is to kill someone (or the person who plays them).




Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D


Plot: A geologist (Fraser) on a special mission with his son (Hutcherson) discovers the entrance into a previously unseen world.

Meaning: See you are the Earth, and sometimes you need to journey to the center  of yourself. You are also probably full of dinosaurs. The 3-D represents your mother's love.

* Movie summaries from IMDB.com

- Did you know that Mother's day is just like Father's day, but for chicks?

- Did you know that your mother actually didn't like that pencil holder you gave her? She's never used it.

- Did you know that the best Mother's Day gift is one that comes from the heart... or from Nordstroms?

- Did you know that you're probably just going to get her flowers you lazy bastard?

- Did you know it's not normal to confuse Mother's Day with Valentine's Day? Seriously dude, it's your mom.

- Did you know that Mother's Day is the second saddest day of the year for orphans? The first saddest day is the day their parents abandoned them.

- Did you know that a greeting card hardly makes up for ignoring your mother all year Kevin?

- Did you know Mother's Day was originally a pagan holiday celebrating brunch?

- Did you know that the only thing greater than your mother's love for you is her disappointment?

- Did you know in Australia they celebrate Mother's Day counterclockwise?

- Did you know there's no such thing as Almost Mother's Day? Choose Life!